NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. An infamous cyberstalker has said that a blogger has been sending him harassing emails. The blogger claims the cyberstalker is lying and is seeking a restraining order. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Wednesday, November 18th. It was gray and blustery autumn day in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner is Liz Smith. The boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 11:24 pm when we entered Room S-211. Forensics.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps across room.

NERD: Good morning, Liz, Joe.

FRIDAY: We got your text. What have you got for us?

NERD: I don’t suppose that you’d be surprised to hear that the email is an obvious forgery.

SMITH: Parvocampus has forged something! Whoda thunk it?

FRIDAY: (More deadpan than usual) And I left my shocked face back in the office.

SMITH: We didn’t pick up the problem when we looked at it, so what obvious thing did we miss?

NERD: It’s not in the text. It’s in the headers where most people wouldn’t look. Take a look at the timestamps in the header. The dates are the same, but the hours are different. That’s OK because the different servers were in different time zones, and all adjust to the same time when you account for that. But look at the minutes. The email was originated at 15 minutes after the hour and received by the addressee at 15 minutes after the hour.

FRIDAY: That’s not unusual. The Internet is fast.

NERD: Yeah, but look at the timestamp for the mid point relay.

SMITH: 13:51:01. Oh, that’s … what … 36 minutes after it was sent.

NERD: Which could happen. Sometimes emails wind up being delayed, but it’s also 36 minutes after it was received at the far end.

FRIDAY: Which would mean that the email was received before the relaying server sent it. That’s clearly wrong.

NERD: My best guess is that someone wanted change the timestamp on the email, so he copied it with the headers as a text file and tried to manually edit the timestamps. He typed 15 twice and 51 once.

SMITH: If the typo had been part of the end timestamp, it might have been suspicious, but not impossible.

FRIDAY: So Parvocampus’ forgery shares a problem with his attempts at comedy.

SMITH: How’s that?

FRIDAY: Timing.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: When we got back to the Internet Detail office, Liz forwarded the information to the blogger.

Friday, December 11th. 9:41 am.

SMITH: Hey, Joe. Remember that forged Parvocampus email from last month.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

SMITH: I just got an email from the blogger he was trying to frame. She did file for that restraining order. The hearing will be just after the first of the year.

FRIDAY: Does she need anything else from us?

SMITH: She didn’t ask for anything. I sent her the complete package from Forenisics.

FRIDAY: OK. This is one where all we need to do is sit back and watch.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On January 5th, a hearing concerning a petition for a stalking no contact order was held in the Circuit Court for the Sixteenth Judicial Circuit, Kane County, Illinois. In a moment the results of that hearing.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: There’s a chill the air these days as winter lingers. One good way to fight that chill is a Team Lickspittle sweatshirt or hoodie. Why not get yours today? Team Lickspittle sweatshirts and hoodies are just some of the trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on exclusively available at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

NARRATOR: On January 5th, a hearing concerning a petition for a stalking no contact order was held in the Circuit Court for the Sixteenth Judicial Circuit, Kane County, Illinois. The court found that the blogger had been the victim of two or more acts of stalking by Willy Parvocampus, and the stalking no contact order was issued.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

3 thoughts on “Blognet

  1. But, but, but forensic experts currently living in the dumpster behind a fried pie shop assure me that the revised forgery didn’t have this mistake, so it must be real this time.

  2. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 01.12.18 : The Other McCain

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