Blogsmoke


SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: Oldies playing on jukebox in background. Door from street opens and closes. Footsteps.

JOHN: Grab a chair, Joe.

FRIDAY: ‘Evening, all.

SOUND: Chair pulled out. Package dropped on table.

JOHN: What’s all this then?

PINKY: (Breaking fourth wall) This is starting to sound awfully British.

BRAIN: (Breaking fourth wall) Don’t worry, folks. The script settles down. Look at page 2, Pinky.

PINKY: (Breaking fourth wall) Oh, yeah. It does.

FRIDAY: That’s the paperwork you wanted from the courthouses.

SMITH: That must be a couple of thousand pages.

JOHN: I wanted certified back up copies of everything.

BRAIN: What are you going to do with it all?

JOHN: That depends on the outcome of that pending appeal.

BRAIN: Oh?

JOHN: Yes. It’s always possible that case could wind up making some of the issues moot. Or it could wind up creating … well, let’s leave at it could effect my next steps. Any way, thanks, Joe, for running around and picking up all those copies for me.

WAITRESS: Hi, Joe. What can I get you?

FRIDAY: Coffee. Hot coffee. I need to warm up after being out in that cold wind.

WAITRESS: Yeah, the wind chill was nasty today. Black, as usual.

FRIDAY: Yes.

WAITRESS: I’ll be right back.

JOHN: Joe, make sure you put in for mileage on your expense report. That was a long round trip.

PINKY: How many courthouse, Joe?

FRIDAY: Nine. In seven different towns.

JOHN: But all of them in Maryland.

FRIDAY: Mileage and parking fees.

SOUND: Cup set down on table.

WAITRESS: (Fading out) Here’s your coffee, Joe. Are you guys staying for dinner …

SOUND: Background out.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

ANNOUNCER: Mmmm … coffee! Why not drink yours from a Team Lickspittle or a Johnny Atsign coffee mug? Johnny Atsign, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Murum Aries Attigit, and Res Judicata merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar. Or you can do your Amazon shopping through the link on the Home page.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

SOUND: Background back up. Table being cleared

WAITRESS: How about dessert?

SMITH: I’ll pass.

FRIDAY: Can you warm up a slice of that cherry pie for me?

WAITRESS: Sure. Anyone else?

JOHN: The pie sounds good. Make it two.

WAITRESS: Give me a couple of minutes.

JOHN: Getting back to The Grouch’s LOLsuit, now that it’s dead, he doesn’t have to worry about any of us filing counterclaims. That means we’ll be using either Plan B or Plan C. Or maybe something else. That will be affected by the result on the appeal.

BRAIN: So what if the appeal goes the right way?

JOHN: That will take one or more of the issues off the table.

PINKY: And if it doesn’t?

JOHN: The lawyers and I will deal with that when we know what’s what.

SMITH: Lawyers?

JOHN: Yeah. I’d be a fool not to get professional advice on how to proceed. Remember that I’ve been represented by counsel during the all the other appeals except the first one.

BRAIN: I’ll need to call my broker first thing Monday.

JOHN: Oh?

BRAIN: More popcorn futures.

SOUND: Background out.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

3 thoughts on “Blogsmoke

  1. I still miss the counterclaims, but I expect you know what you’re doing.

    Just be aware, in law courts, Plank’s Constant is not 6.6e-34, it’s actually about .1.

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