Some Golden Blasts From Out of the Past

I’ve been going through the archives gathering information for a new project, and I’ve run across some of my all time favorite lies told by Bill Schmalfeldt. Here’s a sampler in somewhat random order.


Lying liars gotta lie.

38 thoughts on “Some Golden Blasts From Out of the Past

  1. So wait, he issued a challenge to people to prove he lied, only to say, “You can’t prove I lied? Here, hold my beer.”

    What a maroon!

  2. “I talked to the court clerk at 5 PM on Christmas Eve”

    “If you like your doctor you can keep your doctor”. Oh, sorry, that was from that other liar.

  3. Dam!! I think I counted 13, yes 13 tweeter handles/accounts in that Post. What is he trying to hide or hide from?

  4. “I never delete my tweets.”
    “I have a copy of everything I’ve ever written.”
    “I’m a good man.”
    “She was the love of my life.”
    “Chris Heather (fill in the blank) is Howard Earl.”
    “I’ve got 30 years in broadcasting.”

    • Kimberlin Unmasked site remember when Mr, Bill said he never jumped almost naked on a bed, in a gimp mask, on a business trip and then took a picture (gee who was in the room?) Good times

  5. “Wheelchair bound for life.”
    “I can’t drive.”
    “PD is a progressive neurological disorder” (that’s why he gets better)
    Leaving XM Radio for a national gig
    “I don’t drink.”
    “I don’t smoke.”

    • Speaking of “Leaving XM Radio for a national gig” my personal opinion is that he was his normal lovable self with one or more of the Talents and they/their agent/label complained to XM who sent him on his way.

      • I think it was the accumulated subscriber complaints. He’s utterly unctuous, in person, towards people like judges, police, bailiffs…I’m absolutely certain that would include celebrities and bosses who haven’t fired him yet.

  6. The most despicable lie he ever told – She’s losing weight the right way.

    Then blogs about her laying around in a piss filled bed while she slowly dies, and him never using his vaunted NHS contacts to get her treated.

      • I remember when I first started reading about Team Kimberbumbles (via a link from Popehat, IIRC, but it’s been a while).

        I’d been on the Internet for a while at that point, and Cabin Boy’s behavior was so strange I actually didn’t believe he had a wife — his actions synced up more with those sad souls online who would fake bad events in their lives for sympathy.

  7. There is no truth in him! he refuses. after 2 years of offers, to confess his lies and be absolved. This would rid him of the hold his lifetime of lying has over him. No, he is more comfortable with his sin and afraid of life without it … Most of all, the idea of redemption and admitting he is wrong, scares the liver out of him … Coward.

    • That oft-quoted line from ‘The Dark Knight’ springs to mind.

      ‘Some men just want to watch the world burn.’

      • Some men believe they are equal to God. Satan thought that once, thus can the fall … God is jealous and does punish those who mock him or equate themselves as His equal … Woe to Bill and Brett …

  8. “I can’t type.”
    “I’m losing my voice.”
    “I can’t work.”
    “I’m an investigative journalist.”
    “I am not a friend of Brett Kimberlin.”
    “I cannot sit for extended times without laying down.”
    “…I was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. For someone who has had this thing as long as I have, I’m doing quite well.”
    “I didn’t forge that email header.”
    “I’m not a public person.”
    “IT [My panic button] WILL NOT WORK IN MARYLAND.”
    “I leave families out of it.”
    “Patrick Grady slashed my tires.”
    “I always post as myself.”
    “Yesterday, someone [but not me, no, no, no] started a satirical website called “Big Damnation.””
    “But I do believe I have learned from the mistakes I’ve made along the way. Jurisdiction (subject matter and personal) is handled differently in South Carolina.”
    “Moving on with my life.”
    “Our growth has led us to expand our worldwide operations to several thousand square feet on the southern edge of Milwaukee, in the city of Saint Francis.”

    Safe Links:
    I am or have been a serious journalist for 30 something years.
    “I haven’t been in a fight since high school.” But “Any time I’ve been in a bar fight, I’m generally the guy standing.”
    I have no children, I’m a non-smoker and I have a stocky build.

    From the blog post that keeps on giving (safe link):
    Here’s a Grain of Salt for You
    “Now, I can barely see the pitcher.” [But can drive thousands of miles cross country.]
    “The one thing I value about myself is my honesty. I’m not always right. But I can state that I have never written a story with the intention to deceive. If I have been wrong, whenever that was pointed out and proven, I have always issued a correction.”
    “They are free to say whatever they want about me.” [And be named in a LOLsuit!]
    “As I have clearly been affected by the common late stage Parkinson’s “executive dysfunction” disorder…”
    “I’m not going to do any more investigating…If I do, I will have a friend double and triple check my facts before I publish.”

    [That’s why I keep filing these LOLsuits!]
    “They are going to say whatever they are going to say, and frankly, I don’t give a good God damn.”
    “I need to step away from the plate, hang up the cleats and watch the game as a spectator, not as a player.”
    “But I can no longer expect, or ask, anyone to take what I write as fact.”

  9. Amazing how the internet is forever.

    And if Stolen Valor Fakinsons denies it, the truth is only one subpoena away. Fakinsons must still be under the delusion that when he memory holed something it really goes away instead of a data record having a 1 changed to a 0.

    This research project is going to be delicious.

  10. I vaguely remember there was an incident where he claimed that somebody was a sex offender, then admitted he knew it was false when he said it, but called it “tactics” or some such BS. Or has that happened multiple times now?

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