ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—
SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
CALLER: (Telephone Filter) I’d like to order a pizza to go. Hold the anchovies.
JOHNNY: You’ve got the wrong number.
CALLER: (Telephone Filter) Awwww, they never deliver up here anymore.
SOUND: (Johnny’s POV) Line hung up. Dial tone.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of the Christmas Dinner Matter.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Who ordered the pizza without anchovies?
JOHNNY: Actually, I knew who made that call. It was a coded message, something that occasionally is useful in my line of work. But it’s something to be dealt with after the holidays.
SOUND: Coins inserted in vending machine. Drink delivered.
PINKY: Hey, Johnny.
JOHNNY: Hi, Pinky. What’s up?
PINKY: Just taking a break. Whatcha got planned for Christmas this year?
JOHNNY: A few quiet days with my brother at his place in the country. Same as last year, more or less. What about you?
PINKY: Nothing special this year. The Brain and I are just gonna chill after all of 2017’s weirdness.
SOUND: Soda can opened.
PINKY: And I’ve got the last of my shopping done. I did everything online again this year. I’ve had it with malls.
JOHNNY: There’re some nice stores on Main Street.
PINKY: I suppose, but Amazon and The Hogewash Store deliver. Amazon Prime’s free two-day shipping will still get stuff across the country before Christmas.
ANNOUNCER: That’s right, Pinky. And if someone doesn’t have Amazon Prime, they can sign up for a free 30-day trial. All they have to do is click on the Amazon link on the Home page, type “Amazon Prime Free Trial” in the search box at Amazon, and follow the instructions. Stocking stuffers are still available at The Hogewash Store, and we also appreciate support via the Tip Jar.
Say, is there any coffee left?
BRAIN: I was just about to make a fresh pot. What’ll it be, Kona or Blue Mountain?
JOHNNY: I could use another cup of Blue Mountain.
ANNOUNCER: (Fading out) I see the Boss as bought more of those Team Lickspittle Mugs and some of the …
SOUND: (Interior POV) Highway road noise.
JOHNNY: It’s a full day’s drive to my brother’s place. He’s providing all the side dishes for Christmas dinner again this year, and I’m providing the main course. We had a good hunting season this fall.
JOHNNY DMS: (SYNTH VOICE) I’m bringing the venison and some pheasants.
SOUND: Road noise out.
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next time? A couple of weeks off! Join us after the first of the year, won’t you?
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us on Mondays next year, beginning January 8th, same time and URL, for the more exciting episodes of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.
Be sure to tune in every Friday next year at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.