SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
SOUND: Christmas music and quiet conversations in the background.
PRODUCER: Another year’s almost gone.
JOHN: Yeah, but it’s been a good one on the whole.
FRIDAY: There are still a few loose ends.
JOHN: Think of ’em as job security, or are you ready to retire, Joe?
FRIDAY: Not me, but how about you, Boss? You turn 70 in a couple of weeks.
JOHN: Nah. I’m having too much fun to quit now.
SOUND: Door opens and closes.
RULE 5 GIRL: Hi, everyone! Merry Christmas!
JOHN: Merry Christmas!
LIZ: Can I get you something?
RULE 5 GIRL: That egg nog looks good.
LIZ: And I could use a refill. I’ll be right back.
RULE 5 GIRL: I saw the thing about that show cause order. What do you think the judge will do?
JOHN: Oh, he’ll dismiss the case. The only question will be what ground he will use.
PRODUCER: Why not kick the case based on res judicata? The Bomber’s already lost several suits that involve several defendants. If he’s alleged a conspiracy in this case, res judicata for any defendant applies to all the co-conspirators.
JOHN: He may use res judicata, but I think he’s tired of The Bomber’s games and wants a ground to dismiss based on The Bomber’s disrespect for the court.
RULE 5 GIRL: That makes sense.
LIZ: Here’s your egg nog.
RULE 5 GIRL: Thanks. Who’s idea was it use the Johnny Atsign mugs this year?
PRODUCER: Mine. And that’s your cue.
SOUND: Party background out.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
ANNOUNCER: Yes, we’re serving the Christmas cheer at our staff party using Johnny Atsign Mugs this year, and, you know, they make great stocking stuffers for the Lickspittles on you shopping list. If you order soon, you can still get Johnny Atsign Mugs or many of the other items from The Hogewash Store in time for Christmas. Shopping The Hogewash Store helps support Team Lickspittle. So does hitting the Tip Jar.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
SOUND: Party background back up.
BRAIN: So what’s coming up for next year?
JOHN: We can be reasonably certain that neither of The Bomber’s remaining LOLsuits will survive to the end of 2018, and The Grouch’s LOLsuit is all but over.
RULE 5 GIRL: So things should get quiet?
JOHN: I wouldn’t say that.
RULE 5 GIRL: Oh?
LIZ: The Boss has us working on some other investigations.
BRAIN: I’m tempted to ask …
FRIDAY: … but you know better. Just stay tuned.
PINKY: Sounds like we’ll need more popcorn.
SOUND: Party background out.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.