SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
SOUND: Coins feed into vending machine. Button pressed. Drink delived.
PRODUCER: Well, that was a fun episode.
ANNOUNCER: Uh, huh. But we don’t usually record them that far in advance.
SOUND: Chair pulled out.
JOHN: Yeah, but with the upcoming travel schedule, it’s better to have that one in the can for when we need it.
BRAIN: I can’t believe they left that evidence unsecured.
FRIDAY: After dealing with these bozos for … what … four year now … nothing surprises me.
JOHN: (Chuckles) Yeah. It’s been four years. Just think, if Bunny Boy hadn’t tried to make a joke about an Internet Sheriff and Blogsmoke, none of these programs would ever have been made.
SMITH: You’d think they’d learn, but they keep make these unforced errors.
JOHN: Yeah, Liz, but their incompetence keeps us in business.
PINKY: Pointage, Laughery, and Mockification. That’s what they’re good for.
SOUND: Chair pushed back. Footsteps. Coffee pot picked up.
BRAIN: And we’re out of coffee again. How about another pot of Blue Mountain?
PRODUCER: That’s your cue.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
ANNOUNCER: Mmmm … coffee! Why not drink yours from a Team Lickspittle or a Johnny Atsign coffee mug? Johnny Atsign, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Murum Aries Attigit, and Res Judicata merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
SOUND: Fast footsteps down hall and into the room.
BRADSHAW: Sorry to be late. Have you cut the episode yet?
PRODUCER: Yep. I read your lines, but you can do them, and we can replace my track with yours.
JOHN: Grab a cup of coffee, sit down, and catch your breath, Lieutenant.
BRADSHAW: You should have had Atsign in the episode. He found the key piece.
SOUND: Coffee poured. Chair pulled out.
JOHN: That’s kinda surprising, coming from you.
BRADSHAW: Yeah, well, credit where credit’s due.
PRODUCER: Johnny’s not going to be back for a few days, and we wanted to get this in the vault in case we need it in a hurry. Drink your coffee, and then we’ll head down to the studio.
LIZ: Um, it’s quitting time for the rest of us. I’ll see you guys on Monday.
JOHN: Yeah. It’s been a busy week.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.