SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
SOUND: Footsteps coming down a hall and into the room.
PINKY: Howdy, Sheriff.
JOHN: Howdy. It’s kinda quiet today.
BRAIN: Yes, almost everyone has taken the holiday off.
JOHN: Well, it a nice sunny day after all that rain. I’ll probably bail early as soon as I finish some paperwork.
SOUND: Coffee poured.
PINKY: What’s cooking?
SOUND: Chair pulled out.
JOHN: We’ve had some requests relating to some background checks. I’ve been going through some court documents showing contradictory statements that the persons in question have made.
PINKY: What sort of contradictions?
JOHN: Most often a statement that X happened supposedly backed up by an exhibit that shows that it didn’t. Or the opposite, X didn’t happen and and exhibit shows it did.
BRAIN: Sounds like filings from some people we know.
JOHN: Yes, it does. That’s probably why we received the requests.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
ANNOUNCER: Mmmm, coffee. Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Blogsmoke? Why not sip your coffee from a Hogewash! Murum Aries Attigit Coffee Mug? Murum Aries Attigit, Res Judicata, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, and Johnny Atsign merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
JOHN: (Fading up) … the one case is strictly a civil matter.
BRAIN: And the other?
JOHN: Technically, it’s not a legal matter, at least not yet. That will depend on what their investigation turns up and who they might refer something to.
SOUND: Chair pushed back.
JOHN: I’m gonna get back and finish that report.
PINKY: Have a good weekend, Sheriff.
SOUND: Footsteps out of room and down hallway.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.