Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, I just forwarded an email to you. Take a quick look at it. We need to figure out how it impacts the next episode.

JOHNNY: Hang on. I’m pulling it up now.

SOUND: Mouse clicks.

JOHNNY: (Low whistle) Wow! Is this for real?

PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) That’s what I’m asking you. I’m pretty sure it really is from [redacted] because it decrypted properly with his public key.

JOHNNY: Well, this could certainly be a possible consequence of some of the leads that we’ve passed on to them. If it’s true, we should probably hold the episode scheduled for today.

PRODUCER: (Telephone Filter) That’s what I was thinking.

JOHNNY: Let’s play it safe. Recycle something this evening. I should be able to verify this within a few days. If it’s as sensitive as we think, then we’ll have done the right thing. If it isn’t, we can run the episode next week.Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, you’re not gonna believe this. Or, on second thought, maybe you will.

JOHNNY: Try me.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) The Grouch has filed a peace order petition against me.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Confused Journamalist Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch The only zombie in this matter is your undying faildoxing.

JOHNNY: Pete Grayson blogs occasionally, but mostly he comments on other folks’ sites. He made the mistake of making a rather innocuous comment on one of The Grouch’s blogs. That led The Grouch to become interested in Grayson. Soon, he decided that Grayson was one and the same with his nemesis—The Thoughtful Zombie.

It was a familiar story. The Grouch had decided to go after The Thoughtful Zombie. He’d tried to sue him. He’d tried to add him as a counterclaim defendant in another suit. And, of course, he had failed spectacularly. He wound up deciding that Grayson as The Thoughtful Zombie and began to harass him. Grayson decided to push back.

Working together and with the support of others, a verifiable list of over two dozen incidents was put together to support a petition under the Illinois stalking statute. In the process of developing that information, some of The Grouch’s earlier activities harassing others were reviewed. This brought out several other areas which The Grouch might find … how shall I put this? … let’s say, problematic.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) (Fading in) … so I’ll be coming to Maryland for a hearing on Friday.

JOHNNY: Well, the Howard County District Courthouse is close to the airport and there are several decent hotels in the neighborhood.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Yeah, I’ve booked a room already.

JOHNNY: Do you have a lawyer? If you don’t I can recommend a good one who has dealt with The Grouch before.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) No, I’m going to represent myself. That’s why I’m calling you.

JOHNNY: Why? I’m not a lawyer. I can’t give you legal advice.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) No, but you were helpful putting together the evidence for my petition in Illinois. I figure you can be just as helpful doing the investigation on the claims The Grouch has made in his peace order petition.

JOHNNY: OK.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Check your email. I’ve just sent you a copy of his petition. See what you can find out.

ANNOUNCER: It’s a rainy day here in Westminster today, and, like the old song says, rainy days and Mondays always get me down. Fortunately, I’ll be off work soon, and I plan to cheer myself up with a sip or two of something interesting. I’ll be sipping that beverage from a Johnny Atsign Drinking Glass. It and the other Johnny Atsign items are some of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or by doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

JOHNNY: It was a familiar story. The Grouch had made three allegations against Grayson. The first was that Grayson had lied on the Illinois stalking no contact petition. That was a non-starter. Even if it were true, it isn’t a cause for a peace order in Maryland.

The second claim involved imagined threats. The only one specifically cited occurred more than 30 days before the date of The Grouch’s petition. Therefore, even if what The Grouch claimed was true, it was outside the range of events that could be considered as evidence supporting the petition. Remember that I said that Grayson was an infrequent blogger. In fact, he hadn’t blogged at all during the 30 days prior to The Grouch’s petition, and none of his tweets during that period were addressed to The Grouch.

The third claim was based on the allegation the Grayson was The Thoughtful Zombie, something for which The Grouch had no proof.

I verified all of those findings and submitted my report.

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, I thought I’d give you a call from the courthouse.

JOHNNY: How’d it go?

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) The petition was denied. The Grouch was a no-show.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch When danger reared its ugly head/He bravely turned his tail and fled …

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? It’s the Chicago way. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

11 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    Who exactly is living in rental squalor, Fatass?

    By the way, Dumbass… you get all that malware that you infected your own computer with off your hard drive yet?

    Did you really think you were going to be able to track and dox people who looked at your Twitter feed? Really?!?

    You really are the dumbest m—–f—-r on the face of the planet.

  2. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 10.10.17 : The Other McCain

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