Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Mr. Atsign.

JOHNNY: Yes?

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) I have some more information for you. Meet me at the usual place and time.

SOUND: (Called Party’s POV) Line hung up. Dial tone.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Overseas and Back Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @DeepVote Does this trail have an end?

JOHNNY: At 12:15 am, precisely, the next morning, I drove into the designated parking garage, parked on the second level, and took the stairs up to the fourth level. I began walking to the far end.

SOUND: Footsteps with echo.

JOHNNY: As usual, the voice came from behind me.

DEEP VOTE: Good morning, Mr. Atsign, …

SOUND: Footsteps stop.

JOHNNY: I turned around, and he was standing in the shadows like always.

DEEP VOTE: … I hear that you’ve spent much of the summer traveling.

JOHNNY: Eastern Europe, the Middle East, Texas, the Caribbean, …

DEEP VOTE: Well, I hope you can use those frequent flyer miles for a nice fishing trip.

JOHNNY: I may, but I don’t think you called me here to discuss my future vacation plans.

DEEP VOTE: Not as such, but it is possible that you’ll decide to travel to follow certain leads.

JOHNNY: Oh?

DEEP VOTE: $9,000 is over six months take home pay for someone who makes $19,500 a year.

JOHNNY: Yes?

DEEP VOTE: How was The Bomber able to pay that much money for those forged documents that would supposedly blow open that imaginary scandal relating to the Trump Administration? Do you believe he used his personal funds?

JOHNNY: Probably not.

DEEP VOTE: Suppose he did. Wouldn’t that raise some interesting questions?

JOHNNY: Uh, huh.

DEEP VOTE: Suppose he didn’t. Wouldn’t THAT raise some interesting questions?

JOHNNY: Oh, yeah.

DEEP VOTE: Follow the money, Mr. Atsign.

ANNOUNCER: Autumn is coming, and cool weather is just around the corner. Soon it will be time to sit by the fire with a hot drink. Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Johnny Atsign? Why not sip that drink from a Johnny Atsign coffee mug? Johnny Atsign, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, and Res Judicata merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or by doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home Page.

JOHNNY: It was well past 1 am by the time I got back to my place. I figured that I could sleep in just a bit. I set the alarm for 7:30.

SOUND: Alarm beeping, followed by NPR’s Morning Edition through a small speaker.

JOHNNY: (Groggy) Ugh.

SOUND: Clock radio pounded. Morning Edition quits abruptly.

JOHNNY: I stumbled through my morning routine and, after several cups of coffee, made it into my office. I began to puzzle though the leads I had been given earlier.

If the The Bomber spent his own money, it would have to have come from some other sideline business or be savings from his … um … pre-incarceration income. On the other hand, if some other person or organization were funding such expenditures, [redacted]

[redacted]

[redacted]: [redacted] … may be the actual connection.

JOHNNY: OK. I’ll see if I can book aYours Truly, Johnny  ticket.

JOHNNY TWEETS: @TheBomber Tick, tock.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? Be sure to count your change. Join us, won’t you.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

10 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

    • “Lied to the judge” translates to normal people English as “told the truth about the effect the defendant’s behaviour had upon her”.

      Just because Unca Biwwy doesn’t like it when his victims to fight back and tell the truth in public doesn’t make what they say a “lie”.

      • “it can’t be true. If she was really scared of me she wouldn’t risk facing me in person and would just continue to let me intrude upon her privacy and peace.”

        Bill’s idea of a convincing argument.

    • But he lied too, he just doesn’t remember.

      “I NEEEEEEEDED her address to give to the US MARSHALS because they’ll never find her without MY HELP, even though they did, and I already had her address anyway.”

  1. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 09.11.17 : The Other McCain

  2. Nope. Kimby El Kimbo Kimbermeister is free and clear on this one. There are no laws on co-mingling donations with personal expenses.

    cf. Bill and Hillary.

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