129 thoughts on “Legal LULZ Du Jour

  1. Pingback: Come Again? | BILLY SEZ – Adventures in Bill Schmalfeldt's Pretendy Land Internet Courtroom. All Rise!

  2. Bill is finally showing some true wisdom. Better to be “thrown under the bus” and subsequently enjoy the hospitality of the Carroll County Sheriff than to be thrown under the dunes of Salvo, NC.

  3. Hard to believe that the judge did not back down when threatened by a suit from Witless. The judge already has seen the legal talents of Willy.

      • Just 10 days? That’s hardly enough time for the jail staff to get to know him, to understand his unique needs, to really, really learn to despise him.

        • I have heard a rumor that the smart money is being placed on the maximum the judge can give without holding a trial in front of a different judge, which works out to something like 60 days.

  4. Folks, check yourself after you read this. This is only a warmup act for the lulz and PLM to come. If this caused you to feel any discomfort, you are NOT properly stretching your lulz muscles, and you WILL hurt yourself, possibly severely, on Monday.

  5. Pingback: Pack Your Bags, DUMBFUCK! – The Thinking Man's Zombie

  6. does this mean the field goal was blocked, or was it shanked? asking for a friend…

    palm pilot, nosebleed section.

  7. Get off Twitter and get on your bike, Bill. Stop being silly. It’s funny as hell from the sidelines, but it won’t be for you on Monday. If you pack up and leave right now, you can get to a no-tell-motel somewhere in the vicinity and have a day or so to recover.

    Whoever tells you you can just blow the court off is giving you very bad advice.

    Laptop, home.

  8. Wait was his plan to hold up something he says was sent by twitter to the camera and expect people to read it?

    Never mind chain of custody, how does that work exactly? Or was he going to email it to the convicted forger to hand over? Or did he expect everyone to print out and bring their own copies? Hell I don’t expect my students to do that (and I can make them if I really wanted to.)

    • There are a few possible answers to that question.

      1. Yes, Bill thought he could hold up something he says was sent by Twitter to the camera.
      2. Bill thought he could send something to his fellow co-defendants to present for him to try and get it admitted.

      Neither of them would work. To admit evidence in the courtroom, either you have to present it yourself, physically to the court, or your lawyer has to introduce it into evidence. Also it has to be authenticated, etc., etc.

      And yeah, NONE of that would be possible over Skype. Like, at all. Lol

    • I can just see that:

      Judge: “Stop shaking the page, I can’t read it!”
      DF: “Can’t, Stage Eleventy Parkinson’s.”

  9. Seriously, there has to be a better word than stupid to describe this latest. I mean to call this stupid is not only to insult stupid people everywhere, but even those insulted stupid people would realize this is stupid beyond words.

    • The word you’re looking for is “evil.”

      Shortly after Creation, the serpent told Eve two lies: “you shall be as gods” and “you shall not surely die”. All of his temptations since then have been derived from those two basic premises.

      In the case of Team Kimbergarten, they believe the former lie. Just as God can speak and reality adjusts itself to those words, they believe they deserve the power to alter reality through their words.

      Hence their surprise and anger when reality fails to conform to their desires.

  10. Better late than never I suppose.
    LOL Suit VIII

    52 Aug. 18, 2017 NOTICE of Change of Address by William M Schmalfeldt, Sr from Suburban Extended Stay Hotel, [redacted] (Attachments: # 1 Letter from William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr., # 2 Envelope)(prou, ) (Entered: 08/18/2017)

      • Let me be clear. Louis Farrakan is a hateful bigot, and fool. That said, I totally respect his right to try to convince others of his asinine and evil beliefs. But, for me to suggest that he be “gone and soon” is little more than a suggestion that he be murdered. As appalling of a human being Farrakan is, the thought of murdering him in cold blood is even more appalling.

        Farrakan isn’t going away because he has passionate beliefs that he tries rightly, or wrongly, to instill in others. Sure, I would like all NAZIs, communists, libertarians, Democrats, liberals, nevertrumpers, Bushites, and other various benighted thinkers abandon their political stances in favor of mine. Donald Trump ought to be reelected unanimously. But, unfortunately, that isn’t the world in which I live.

        The real answer to Louis Farrakkan’s speech is more speech that exposes how irrational and evil his beliefs are. The real answer to NAZI speech is likewise more speech. The real answer to BLM and Antifa is jail. They are criminal organizations plotting and executing criminal acts.

        To juxtaposition speech you find loathsome with violence just has the effect of condoning violence because in the final analysis we as a society have chosen to condone all speech short of inciting imminent violence aka the Brandenberg standard. “Antifa” are trying to systematically cancel Constitutional rights through the issuance of the heckler’s veto. You are suggesting that they should be in fact vetoed. You are suggesting a world where all are not equal before the law, but rather, those that you have political disagreements with are fair game for extra-legal punishments such as assault, and murder.

        Donald Trump was pilloried in the press for having the audacity to suggest that some folks went to a protest against the removal of a statute because they genuinely believed that the statute ought not be removed. The press corps had vapors.

        This is why we lose and Democrats win. Where are the voices pointing out the same press corps having vapors engaged in verbal gymnastics to separate the Million Man March from the hateful bigot who was its featured speaker?

        • This is like the Iran-Iraq war. I’d like to see both sides lose.

          P.S. Do NOT attempt to put words in my mouth. You’re not good at it.

          • Your words were clear enough. “May they all be gone, and soon.,” means exactly what it means, and, how I characterized them.

            As to the idea of you making any sort of suggestions to me, I would note that you forfeited that right long ago with your persistently obnoxious and ad hominem attacks directed at me for having the audacity to join 90% of all Republicans in supporting Donald Trump. FOR YOU TO SHOUT IN ALL CAPS TOWARDS ME READS MORE LIKE A COMMAND. I would note that Nashville at about high noon on Monday isn’t the only place where the sun won’t shine.

            For your preening against “Nazis” is little more than Dr. Frankenstein denouncing monsters. We are witnessing little less than anti-White hysteria that is especially targeted at those Whites who happen to live below the Mason-Dixon line. There are calls for White extermination and the systematic abortion of all White unborn babies. The movement to destroy monuments extends even to Thomas Jefferson and George Washington. These anti-White racists project their attitudes onto Whites by declaring Whites are natural racists, and presumed guilty. That viewpoint is insane, and, those that promulgate it ought to be told to they are evil and ought to shut up.

            I ask you, “When did Paul Ryan host a rally for the preservation of historical monuments?” When did Mitch McConnell host such a rally?” “When did the National Review?” Guess who did: Richard Spencer.

            A recent poll showed the majority of Americans were against destroying historical monuments. It was shocking result inasmuch as a significant minority supported what is little less than a modern day form of book burning. When we live in a world in which the Richard Spencers speak up for the majority, and, our current crop of so-called leaders don’t [In fact, they went out of their way to denounce Donald Trump for suggesting folks who oppose removing such monuments and protested their beliefs were “fine people.”] then we will live in a world in which folks like Richard Spencer will have ever-increasing followings, and, the spineless wimps who will not take on the Left head on will fade to insignificance.

          • My words were perfectly clear. They don’t need any translation by you, so don’t do it. The behavior of these people has no place in America.

          • Bingo! Their “behaviors” is a massive equivocation inasmuch as one of their “behaviors” is merely breathing. Any illegal acts are lumped together what is merely speech. When the right to speak is denied one group, it isn’t a right anymore, it’s a popularity contest.

            Once upon at time it was considered admirable for those dissatisfied with the current political order to speak up and speak out. As long as there remains benighted idiots who believe things like Karl Marx, V. I. Lenin, Chairman Mao, Louis Farrakhan or Adolph Hitler were great men I simply don’t begrudge them their right to try to convince others of the rightness of their position. In free, open and fair debate better ideas ought to win out.

          • kags, my immediate impression is that it sounded like Andrew Cuomo describing conservatives in New York. But I shan’t quibble with you because…

            BigSkyBob, I cribbed that sentiment/hunk of bloody bait directly from a fellow named Donald J. Trump, who seems to be your hero: https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/08/15/remarks-president-trump-infrastructure

            THE PRESIDENT: As I said on — remember, Saturday — we condemn in the strongest possible terms this egregious display of hatred, bigotry, and violence. It has no place in America.

            Thanks for biting. Please forward your further complaints to 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington, DC 20004

            Hook. Line. Sinker.

  11. I’m looking forward to the feldtdown where he accuses the judge of “literally” trying to murder him. Because he’d have to do so to remain consistent with past feldtdowns.

  12. Monday will be awesome. An eclipse followed by Dumbf5ck getting iron bracelets. Ah, no wonder the ancients thought eclipses were divine statements of judgment.

  13. I’m putting my money on: Bill Falls out of Bed on Saturday Night and (tries to) checks himself into a hospital on Sunday.

    He needs to really go for it if he wants to get in – if you’ve been around emergency rooms lately, they’ve gotten pretty demanding about the patient showing some real injuries, and even with that it’s usually a handful of aspirin and out the door with you. Tramadol if you really complain about pain.

    So Bill, get your Truth Partner to really whack you good with that 2 X 4!!!

  14. Bill has been oddly quiet. How queer. That’s a sign of fear and desperation, I have been told many times, by Bill, right before massive mocking and loling heads his way.

    I suspect he is on a bus. Pity whoever is on their with him.

  15. I always love to see all of this whining and pontificating and pleading and threatening answered with a single word – DENIED!

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