119 thoughts on “LOLsuit VIII News

    • “In any event, out of an ABUNDANCE OF CAUTION and because you are not represented by counsel, this “Roseboro Order” is issued to advise you of the dismissal/summary judgment procedures and to advise you that FAILURE TO RESPOND ADEQUATELY to such a motion could result in the motion being granted and your case being ended.

      PLEASE CAREFULLY REVIEW this information, including the attached excerpts of the Federal Rules of Civil Procedure regarding motions to dismiss and motions for summary judgment.”


      The Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt is SO screwed. 😂

  1. It says “…failure to respond adequately could result…”, but then it says “…the court has received your response…”.


    Everything is proceeding as [redacted] has foreseen.

    • Adulting adults.

      Gotta wonder how much the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt appreciates dealing with them now.

      Good luck, fat man-child! 😂

    • “…failure to respond adequately could result…”

      “…the court has received your response…”

      “…and will consider the motion in due course.”


      “…in due course…”

      Why, that would be [redacted] now wouldn’t it?
      Oh my!
      OH MY!

      T-[redacted, I don’t have the heart to educate the manatee on this on].

  2. I’m sure that some entities reading this order will not be sure who is being ordered to do what.

    As the South Carolina Department of Natural resources has sole jurisdiction over marine mammals, education thereof by amateurs would probably be a bad idea.

  3. Top secret memo to Hoge and Company

    Wow having read that order DF has two options two win. First he could file no reply to the motions to dismiss and win by default. Second he can just file a reply making Ad hominem and posting no proof for his attacks and the court because he is pro se has to accept them as fact. Don’t let DF find out about this

  4. “The response should include an explanation of your version of the facts, if different from Defendant’s version of the facts;”

    For starters, every event in Bill’s version of the “facts” took place on Planet Schmalfeldtia, not Planet Earth.

  5. ALT-LEFT defendant claims novel legal theory:

    • Bwahahahahahahahaha!!

      Almost as funny as the Fat Maniacal Manatee and his snaggletooth blow-up boyfriend making that laughable drunk video…


      I guess you have to be an illiterate idiot to be down with the #resistance….


  6. Oh no!! The document states exactly what the title must be and exactly what has to be in it.

    How will the pedo….ERM… Mr. Fakinsons handle this since showing any contempt for the court will be instant dismissal of the case.

    Rage, fakinsons, RAGE!!!!


  7. witless Willie’s interpretation is possible: the court may send these out as a matter of routine to all those represented pro se, and nothing can be inferred from it.

    Of course, there is another possible interpretation. His opposition was read and deemed so woefully inadequate that the court is giving him a mulligan. (For those who do not know what a mulligan is in football, it’s when you throw an incomplete forward pass and the team on defense gets to call it a fumble.)

    As usual, Witless believes that expressions of opinion different from his defame him.

    • I think you’re half right. This is a routine notice, and all pro-se plaintiffs get them. However, DUMBF*CK’s response is most excellent indeed, and the court will surely rule in his favor post haste. There’s nothing that needs to be done that hasn’t already been done, with the possible exception of a letter to the judge.

  8. Once again it pays to be Pro Se.

    The court has served Bill Schmalfeldt notice his case is so deficient it risks being summarily dismissed AND has also documented, explicitly, how to remedy said deficiencies. Pass GO, no penalty just try try again. You failed the first couple of tests so let me point you in the right direction in order that we keep the process alive.

    Why anybody would waste 3 years in law school and then bust their ass to pass the bar exam I don’t know. So much easier to throw lawsuits against the wall to see what (if anything) sticks and then adjust per the courts guidance. Let the judges and clerks dial you in.

    Don’t have to know or apply the law and you don’t even have to follow procedure(s). Forging documents, diddling service and partially quoting ONLY the most favorable sections of past rulings is ok. AND-

    If DumbF5ck Schmalfeldt’s or Boom-Boom Kimberlin’s suits get crushed despite all the help from the courts they can just appeal.

    The process is the punishment. The courts aid and abet in order to keep themselves in business. I don’t want to ever hear or read one more word about the courts being ‘overloaded.’ They bring it on themselves.

    Amateurs aren’t afforded the same latitude on race tracks, in operating rooms, designing space probes or flying airliners. I can’t think of any other professional community that works like this. Lack of talent, inability, blatant dishonesty and malfeasance are not held accountable in the legal community.

    Judges are a group comprised entirely of self-important, politically reliable (that’s not a good thing) jackwagon charlatans.

    This sucks.

    • I can’t think of any other professional community that works like this. Lack of talent, inability, blatant dishonesty and malfeasance are not held accountable in the legal community


    • “Why anybody would waste 3 years in law school and then bust their ass to pass the bar exam I don’t know.”

      The serious answer is so that they can give good advice and properly represent people who need help. Filing a lawsuit is pretty easy; keeping yourself and your clients out of trouble and recognizing trouble before it comes, now that’s the hard part. (and the part that someone is noticeably failing at right now)

      Interesting legal trivia: The idea that a three year term in an accreditated law school is required to practice law is a 20th century invention; before that people came to it by either independent study or apprenticeship.

    • Oh my personal opinion is that they do not send it to everyone, or else it would have gone out immediately after the motion to dismiss was received. But I know absolutely nothing about the procedures in that federal district so I may be wrong.

      But if I am correct, someone read Willy’s opposition and, after the laughter stopped, realized that our appellate court says we have to give notice to incompetents before we dismiss so we better get a notice out ASAP.

      • “…so we better get a notice out ASAP…” – it was wise to leave off the end of the sentence [we don’t educate marine mammals] – “…because the deadline is about to expire for him to ‘respond adequately to such a motion’.”

        Oh, my! The deadline just expired at 4:30 on Thursday afternoon.


        Game, set and match.

        • Well the letter did say that they were sending it “in an abundance of caution.”

          Roseboro involved a plaintiff who had apparently never received the motion to dismiss and might have had no idea what it meant had it been received. Witless clearly had received the motion to dismiss because he had, in outward appearance, already responded to it. The need for caution probably arose because no one had ever seen an opposition so inept.

          • “…no one had ever seen an…” – and “in an abundance of caution” I am certain that they made absolutely sure that “no one had ever seen an opposition so inept” by running it by every judge, every master, every clerk, every bailiff, the security guards at the door and the janitor.

          • I hope you will pardon a small and gentle correction.

            Not “in outward appearance”; rather, “in the legend in his own mind”.

  9. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 08.16.17 : The Other McCain

  10. Once again, BS faildoxes ( that 1000 girlfriends account got into flame wars and I think she may have been arrested at one point for stalking) and sets a bad precedent that will likely come back to bite him in the backside.

    • The truly exquisite elegance and gracefulness of the court in how this blow is being inflicted is so subtle today, that I almost missed it.

      It was a cryptic comment which the noted acoustic engineer made upon a recent Sunday which tipped me off.

      One might almost say that the timing is cruel, yet how can a thing so richly deserved be thus construed?

      By next moonset, I believe, all shall be accomplished.
      The silly seal shall bark with joyous laughter.

  11. dateline Carolina coast

    a bloated manatee has washed ashore near Myrtle Beach.

    apparently distracted by another shiny new object that graced it’s vision.

    lifeguards called animal control

    animal control issued rosewater to the affected animal

    manatee still foamed at mouth over the shiny object that graced it’s vision

    10 attempts to restrain the bloated tee.. were not successful,

    more restrains are on the way

    • Living in a roachbait motel, upon a diet of White Castle and Johnie Walker, with a questionable companion…

      Why do I get the premonition that someones life is about to take such an abrupt downward lurch that the Summer of ’17 will soon seem like a halcyon paradise in retrospect?

  12. Question.

    If a district court federal judge gives an order to the clerk five minutes before the close of the court’s regular daily hours of business, when will that order appear on PACER?

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