Blognet


Over in the real world, I’m working on a instrument that is scheduled to fly on the next Landsat mission. Today, we’ve been testing a major assembly of that instrument, and working for a living has eaten up my lunch break when I planned to finish the next Blognet episode. Here’s a recycled episode.BlognetTitleCardMUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A blogger has been subjected to harassment by means of an temporary peace order. The blogger claims that false testimony was used to obtain the temporary order. Your job … investigate.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Sunday, March 8th. It was cold and blustery in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 1:16 pm when we returned to Room S-140. Internet Detail.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: I can’t imagine what that guy’s thinking.

SOUND: Chairs pulled out.

FRIDAY: That could be our first mistake, assuming that Timberland has actually thought this thing through.

SMITH: Yeah.

FRIDAY: Look, he’s got to be close to panic mode over how his lawsuits are tanking, if he isn’t there already.

SMITH: Uh, huh, but this is so lame.

FRIDAY: Maybe, but it fits his MO. He’s filed a peace order claiming that someone has done something outrageous, but with no facts to back his claim.

SMITH: OK, yeah. In that sense this is just like the one a few years ago about being punched out in the lobby of a courthouse. And he’s got his web buddies promoting a story about how he’s been wronged.

FRIDAY: Except there’s one difference so far. In the case of the imaginary courthouse assault there was security video that proved Timberland was lying. We don’t have any objective evidence like that in this case.

SMITH: Yet. We haven’t started looking. This one of those case where I don’t want to leave a single stone unturned.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh, but be careful.

SMITH: Huh?

FRIDAY: With Timberland’s bunch you never can tell what might crawl out from under one of those rocks.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: Liz took the lead on the investigation of Timberland’s claims that a blogger had harassed one of his family members.

Tuesday, March 10th, 11:24 am.

SMITH: Joe, I’ve been through everything the blogger has published since he’s been blogging. Prior to Timberland’s petition, there is absolutely no mention of his family member by name. When she is mentioned, its usually in a quote of something Timberland said that refers to her. The few exceptions are things such as being listed as being among a group of people present during a court hearing.

FRIDAY: It’s hard to see how that adds up to stalking.

SMITH: Yeah, which is probably why that part of his petition didn’t make it into the temporary peace order.

FRIDAY: What about that “unhealthy interest” claim?

SMITH: I can’t find a real basis for it, but he’s probably trying to pin it on that comment the blogger made about her age on the Zombie’s blog.

FRIDAY: The claim of posting her date of birth on the Internet?

SMITH: That won’t fly for a couple of reasons. First, it isn’t literally true. He said that she would be a particular age during a particular month. He didn’t say which day.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh.

SMITH: Second, the very first thing on the ABOUT page of her own website is her DOB.

FRIDAY: Oops.

SMITH: The blogger is also on record asking people to leave Timberland’s family alone, so I don’t know how he makes a case for incitement.

FRIDAY: OK. Let’s get this written up and our report filed. It looks like I was right about one thing on this case.

SMITH: What’s that?

FRIDAY: There’s no way Timberland thought this through before he filed.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On March 13th, a trial was held in the District Court of Maryland for Montgomery County on the matter of a final peace order. In a moment, the result of that trial.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle? While there’s a lot of neat stuff to spend your money on at The Hogewash Store, sometimes you have to buy something useful. When that happens, there’s still a way to support Team Lickspittle. Simply use the Amazon link in the sidebar on the Home page. When you shop at Amazon via that link, you’ll pay the same great price, and Hogewash! will get a cut of the action. The Hogewash Store and Amazon—two great ways to support Team Lickspittle. And did you know that there’s a third way as well? Feel free to hit the Tip Jar.

NARRATOR: On March 13th, a trial was held in the District Court on the matter of a final peace order. The court found that Timberland was unable to produce evidence to support any statutory basis for a peace order. Accordingly, the peace order petition was denied.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

17 thoughts on “Blognet

  1. Best wishes on your project. The closest I will ever come to a space project will be “G” impulse class model rocket motors, so yea I’m jealous I’ll admit it 😉

  2. I’d love to read about the interesting things you’ve experienced while working with NASA at Goddard. A new series that doesn’t involve the normal topics.

    • Landsat observes the earth’s surface in ~100-mile-wide swaths. One of the minimum level of tools required to be able to get a full picture of a certain someone all at once.

  3. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 08.11.17 : The Other McCain

  4. Awesome!

    One of the greatest thrills of my life is when I had the privilege of testing something that ended up on one of the Mars rovers.

    Something I had in the palm of my hand is now on another planet.

    Old hat for you, Mr. Hoge… but still cool as hell!

    • I know the feeling, DewClaw. A half century ago I was working for Goddard analyzing some very sketchy raw data on electron, proton and alpha flux at the bow shock wave. We were seeing an intermittent phenomenon which was both obvious in the brief intervals it appeared, and unprovable because of the brief intervals which it appeared on our sensors. At that time I proposed a multi-sensor experiment which was at that time technologically unfeasible. It was quite a thrill to learn that in recent years, having become feasible, the sensors have been deployed and the phenomenon has been confirmed.

      • That is so cool, my friend!!

        For your theory to be confirmed…

        … and that I actually understand some of what you posted!

        😉

        • Synopsis: Although the electrons and protons and alpha particles of the solar wind (fully ionized hydrogen and helium) are traveling at the same velocity, due to particle masses the “proton gas” is hypersonic and the “electron gas” is subsonic. (Or did I get that backwards?) Traveling at a slight angle to the solar magnetic field (and therefore in slightly helical paths of opposite coil), the magnetic field locks them together. The phenomenon was the “unlocking” which occurs when the paths line up with the magnetic field. To verify and quantify this requires a precisely positioned fleet of sensors arrayed in order-of-magnitude kilometers apart.

          I believe that our host had a hand in its implementation.

  5. “Over in the real world, I’m working on a instrument that is scheduled to fly on the next Landsat mission.”

    Such a contrast to the short pedo working on an Fail Whale that is scheduled to fly off the handle on the next Schmeltdown.

  6. Working in the aerospace industry I am just glad the moments of ” that’s cool I’m glad I had a part of it” outweighs the “I’m suprised anything takes off let alone lands safely” moments.

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