136 thoughts on “LOLsuit VIII News

  1. In his Memorandum of Law in Support bill Schmalfeldt has knowing committed perjury.

    …Kimberlin served his time in a Federal Prison for his crimes.
    He is now a free man and should be allowed to live his life as such….

    He knows–he reads this blog which has made that fact available repeatedly–that Brett has not served his time, the sob is still on parole.

    • Brett Kimberlin remains, also, unrepentant, and lies about his convictions. He deserves to be countered in every lie, and to never escape the reputation he has earned through lying and harming others. He is still suspected of having done worse, and his dishonesty is legend, and continues in the present.

    • Macro keys do the job quite well. I use the Logitech G105 – they were so inexpensive, even, that I bought several as spares.

    • There are at least 50 ways of automating that task so that you could F5 fast enough to melt your upstream bandwidth without even lifting a finger.

    • Get a Raspberry PI, or perhaps an Arduino. The key thing is to get a device with two
      USB ports, plus the ability to report details through another port (RS232?)

      Write some code so that the devide acts in “passthrough” mode, but also is able to report the activity.

      With the device plugged into a PC, start recording messages that pass in each direction, and then plug a keyboard into the second USB port, and record how the keyboard negotiates its status as a Human-Interface-Device.

      Then, press F5 for a half-second or so, and then release it. Record the key-pressed and key-released messages generated by this activity.

      Write a modified program that only needs one USB port. This program also has a single push-button input.

      When the device is plugged into the PC, it replays the keyboard-side portions of the initialisation/plug-and-play portions of the startup negotiations, so that the PC thinks that it is connected to a generic keyboard.

      Plug the real keyboard into another PC USB port, so that you can work as usual. The PC merely thinks that it has two keyboards connected.

      Finally, the kicker: When the device button is pressed, it sends the F5 key-down message, waits for a moment (100ms, perhaps), and then sends the F5 key-up message. It then waits for a moment (400ms, perhaps), and, if the button is still down, repeats the F5+Down/100ms/F5+Up sequence.

      I’d be curious to see how browsers react to this… they may end up effectively throwing away apparent button presses that appear before a page refresh is completed.

  2. Its obvious that Cabin Boy has been polishing that “Memorandum” for months and that he still does not understand a single word of the cases he cites. Not a single word.

    Utter fail. Hoge’s attorney will eviscerate him in his reply.

  3. I thought it was nice that he asked the court to read this blog. Maybe some more Res Judicata coffee mug sales?

  4. Gosh, I hope Mr. Nettles stretched his lulz muscles before reading Billy’s ..um.. legal filing. If Mr. Nettles read the Billy Boy Unread article first, we may have to call 911 for him.

    Always practice safe lulzing.

    Meanwhile, in Arizona..


  5. I’m sure that Kevin F. King is thrilled that William “Stolen Valor” Schmalfeldt is plagiarizing his words from his well researched paper “PERSONAL JURISDICTION, INTERNET COMMERCE, AND PRIVACY: THE PERVASIVE LEGAL CONSEQUENCES OF MODERN GEOLOCATION TECHNOLOGIES” among others he stole parts of this motion from.

    Maybe the GS13 editor forgot that copyright violations can get you sued. World’s Stupidest Man™

  6. Plaintiff John Dough files a Federal Court from a “valid current address” in Myrtle Beach.

    The Sheriff, serving State court papers, cannot find Defendant John Dough at that same Myrtle Beach address.

    …and no one sees a problem with this?

    “How can you be in two places at once… “

  7. My favorite is when he quotes comments from us where we show how his legal reasoning is flawed. It’s like Dumbf5ck is such a dumbf5ck that he thinks the judge somehow will *NOT* think, “that’s a good point those commenters raised just now” and instead think, “Some anonymous person used their free speech to call an utter moron a Dumbf5ck. We must kill HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!!!!! for this.”

      • I will remind old-timers, and enlighten new-comers that my taxonomical analysis has only established that Renfield Control Group Pt. 4 Bill is a Hominid (no tail) in the Primate Family (opposing thumbs), under the Mammalia Class (Moobs). This based on physical evidence provided by the subject on the internet.

        • Is primary mode of locomotion, such as brachiation or bipedalism part of taxonomy?

          If so, what’s the classification for “a mix between nut-shuffling amd a scooty-puff?”

          • Actually, that’s a good point as the trail of slime left some of us arguing that it might be a gastropod.

          • I don’t think Scoot Puff 2.0 will make a appearance any time soon. Acquiring same would complicate his moving (Avoiding Contact) efforts as Bill likely has his hands full with 2 suitcases plus a box for Macintosh.

  8. I thought I loved Schmaleldt before, but Oliver Wendell Jones closing his “memorandum of law” by explicitly calling for the court to create new law is just perfect.

  9. Pingback: It’s Billogical! | The Artisan Craft Blog — Dave Alexander & Company with David Edgren and Gus Bailey

  10. At first, Dumbfuck was happy to be working with an adult and now it’s obvious that the Dumbfuck’s mad that the adult in the room is requesting to strike a lot of the material.

  11. I just had to read through that doc again, and this time what really jumped out was how desperate he is to re-litigate the R.O. that Sarah was able to get imposed on him. He actually thinks this Federal Judge in S.C. is going to overturn a State Judge’s lawful ruling in a completely different case, because it made Bill mad.

    But it’s even better than that – first, after this long, deranged filing which (res ipsa) demonstrates that he is an extremely unstable person, he writes “a person living in mortal terror does not publish a photo on her blog that would *CERTAINLY CAUSE* an unstable or violent person to seek retribution against her…”

    In his own words, he is explaining in detail why she was correct to fear what he may do, and also that she took an absolutely correct and legally measured response to him. And thus Bill, in his own filing, by his own words, demonstrates that the part of his case which is directed at her is spurious, abusive, and in all likelihood a violation of the existing R. O. granted in her favor.

      • I don’t think he has ever appealed to anyone except out of desperation.

        Oh! You meant the other kind of –

        NEver mind.

      • Maybe the Dumbfuck thinks that a South Carolina federal district judge has the power to overrule a North Carolina state judge? Perhaps the Dumbfuck saw “Pepsi” products that are labeled on it “Born in the Carolinas” and assumed that North and South Carolina are the same jurisdiction?
        After all, the above picture is advertised heavily by Pepsi in both North and South Carolina.

    • Wait, he literally says he was pestering her about where she lived when she got a restraining order, and then puts up a graphic that says of him “We can’t believe he said that either”.

      You can’t make this stuff up.

  12. What a total asshole. In no way was someone’s son called an anchor. The “anchor” referred to the total of health issues being faced by the family.
    I’m glad to see Billy included even more of his heinous writings in this filing. He defines DamnFuck beyond anything I could imagine.

    The obvious case shopping is just icing on this entire f’d up cake!!

    • I think it’s hysterical that he thinks that a blog post he wrote is proof that someone else wrote something. At best, it’s authentication that he wrote that someone else allegedly wrote the thing.

      Any of us could publish a blog post including a ginned up blog post allegedly by Unca Biwwy about how he and Cousin It like to take in vagrants of a certain ethnicity and eat them.

      According to O W Jones, Esq, we could then put that in a legal filing as proof that Biwwy and It have admitted to being cannibals??!?!?

    • “I did this thing and I don’t like the results, even though they were perfectly foreseeable as potential outcomes”

      Yep, judges are totally going going to allow that to be litigated.

  13. “Since there is no such creature in the South Carolina menagerie of legal oddities…” page 8

    I’m sure the judge just loves the South Carolina legal system being described in this way.

  14. Love point IV in the memo.

    “The judge already addressed this, so they don’t get a say”.

    Yea… pretty sure that’s the opposite of what that process is supposed to do. It’s there to stop the dumbest things from even having to be argued, it’s not there to give you a free ride to discovery in spite of what defendants have to say.

  15. I have a question: how does it harm South Carolina landlords to try to keep a nicer clientele than Renfield Bill?

  16. I’m dumbstruck how often he manages to contradict his own point, literally in the next sentence. For the love of god, man; if you refuse to get a lawyer, at LEAST get someone for whom English isn’t a 3rd language to proof-read this drivel.

    • I object!

      My fiancee speaks English as a Third Language (true story). And she wouldn’t approve of the Fat Pedoketeer’s filings for a cob-web vanisher, let alone a legal document.

  17. Is it usual, in a response to a motion to dismiss, to completely fail to answer any of the grounds for dismissal, double down on the extraneous, irrelevant, impertinent and scurrilous material, insult the court, display one’s poor character, demonstrate one’s inability to understand evidence (boy, howdy!), and finally, in a final, thunderous flourish, pirouette and loudly proclaim one’s gibbering insanity and rejoice in one’s dishonesty?

    Asking to be sure I am not hallucinating.

    Phone, MUNI.

  18. Burden on defendants who are employed, one of whom is a guardian of a minor child versus burden on plaintiff, who is admittedly unemployed and who has managed to reside in four different states over the past two (or is it three) years. Hmm. This is a very hard decision

  19. “It is clear that” the acts performed by the defendants years and months before Plaintiff moved to South Carolina manifested an “intent … to negatively influence the Plaintiff’s ability to find a permanent residence in South Carolina.”

    It is not just Hoge who has the capacity to foresee a lot.

  20. The criteria in Zippo includes the necessity that the party being haled into court “directs electronic activity into the state with the manifested intent of engaging in business … within the state.”

    No doubt that is good law. Of course, you should at least allege evidence of such an intent.

    • He did plagerize it from someone else. I doubt he understands most of what he steals other than it sounds like something he wants to say. Checking the actual cases cited to see if they apply is for pikers.

  21. “Couching false statements of fact as opinion or within quotes from other sources won’t protect the writer from a libel complaint.”

    1) “Couching FALSE statements of FACT [as opinion]” – WTHuh?!

    2) “within quotes from other sources” – AKA: “The best way to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.”

    3) “won’t protect the writer from a libel complaint” – See: LOLsuit VIII

    Vexatious Litigant… Thy name is Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt.

    I. Can’t. Even. The stupid buuuuurns… so… bad.

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  23. e. The Defendants give no rationale for striking Paragraph 9 of the complaint. The paragraph explains how the Court can establish that Defendants can be subjected to Specific Personal Jurisdiction in South Carolina. The purpose of a· complaint is. to outline the reason the Plaintiff seeks relief from the Defendants, and Paragraph 9 goes a long way to explain that rationale.
    f. The Defendants give no reason for asking the Court to strike Paragraph 10 of the SAC.
    g. Paragraph 13 and 14 are accurate and verifiable descriptions of how Defendant Hoge
    engaged in personal defamation in the past against Plaintiff.
    h. The Defendants give no reason for asking the Court to strike Paragraph 21 of the SAC.
    i. The Defendants give no reason for asking the Court to strike Paragraph 25 of the SAC.
    j. The Defendants giv_e no reason for asking the Court to strike Paragraph 31 of the SAC.

    bill needs I mean seriously needs to read the FRCP or go and have an attorney explain them to him. I believe the term he is looking for is “Res ipsa loquitur” and FRCP 12(f).

    • Just to shoot down his claim of “personally approves”. The time is 9:26 PM. This post will be submitted at 9:26 PM. Goddamn that’s going to be some super fast approval by Hoge in nanoseconds!

    • As an astute student of Feynman, and a professional electron herder, our esteemed host is able to use quomment electivedynamics (QED)to anti-delete posts before they are made.

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