ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!


ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.


SOUND: Coins dropped into a vending machine. Button pressed. Drink delivered.

PINKY: Howdy, Sheriff. What’s up? Grab a chair.

JOHN: Just taking a break.

SOUND: Soda can top popped. Chair pulled out.

JOHN: It’s been a busy week.

PINKY: Yeah. You’ve got a couple of active cases.

JOHN: Oh, I’ve got more going on than that.

PINKY: What’s cooking beside lawsuit here in Westminster and The Grouch’s LOLsuit?

JOHN: Well, there are a couple of appeals related to The Bomber. One directly involves me as a appellee, and I’m providing support for the other case as well. The Bomber just lost the last bit of his original RICO LOLsuit, so I’m gearing up for an expected appeal on that case. And then there are the open investigations.

PINKY: Open investigations?

JOHN: Yeah. They’ve got an international angle. There’s [redacted]. So far we’ve been getting excellent cooperation.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps.

JOHN: There hasn’t been any real language barrier because everyone is fluent in English.

BRAIN: Am I the only one who makes coffee around here?

PINKY: Hey, don’t look at us. We’re both drinking sodas. Someone else emptied the pot.

JOHN: Look at it like this, Brain. Your cup will be fresh.

SOUND: Cupboard door opened. Objects pushed around on a shelf.

BRAIN: It looks like we’re out of Blue Mountain again, but we still have some Kona.


ANNOUNCER: Mmmm. Coffee. I like mine strong, and I usually drink it from either a Res Judicata or a Murum Aries Attigit mug. Both are available exclusive at The Hogewash Store. Stop by and spend some money on the mugs and t-shirts and other trinkets you’ll find there. It’s a great way to support Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar.


BRAIN: (Fading up) … so do you think they’ll all show up? Or will they default?

JOHN: At this point, it doesn’t make any difference. I have to be prepared for any or all of them being there.

BRAIN: But shouldn’t it really be three separate cases: one for defamation, one for malicious prosecution, and one for the copyright issue?

JOHN: You’d think so, but Maryland’s res judicata case law requires that you sue a party for every possible claim in one lawsuit. In this case, some of the parties’ tortious behaviors overlap in odd ways. The result is this rather cumbersome suit.

PINKY: What’s left for trial preparation?

JOHN: Mostly continuing to go over the evidence and refining my organization of the facts I need to present.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps.

JOHN: Hi, Liz.

SMITH: Hi. Mmmmm that coffee smells good. Is it fresh?


ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!


ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

25 thoughts on “Blogsmoke

    • Back in the late 60s and early 70s, Bhutan issued stamps that were records. Always wondered what was on them.

    • Dumb Fuck, a prominent member of team pedo bomber’s board of faking Parkinson’s, and creepy Cub Scout porn is still a fucking idiot.


      ***********All Rise……. this session of Twitter Court is now in session………..the dishonorable judge schmalballs presiding……..

      ….call your first witness Billy, Twitter Attorney at Law….


      He should REALLY learn to read. It would be extremely hilarious if he decided to cite that case.

      I better start stretching those lulz muscles… this may be the most glorious response ever!

    • DUMBF*CK, an epically persistent DUMBF*CK, doesn’t do law good much. I would invite the DUMBF*CK to do three things:

      1. Review Title 15 of the South Carolina Code of Laws with an eye toward locating references to “abuse of process.”

      2. Then review Title 15 of the South Carolina Code of Laws with an eye toward locating references to “malicious prosecution.” (They do let paupers use Google, right?)

      3. Lastly, take a good long look at the first sentence in the second paragraph of whatever that is you’ve screen capped.

      4. Laugh your ass off and enjoy a delicious cocktail. Nevermind, this one is for me.

    • It’s not abuse of process if you win.

      In other words, Ash and Bill both appeared before a judge regarding a no contact order.

      Said order was granted (mostly because Bill admitted *all the allegations*), and BS once again failed to appeal in the alloted time.

      So, no, Bill, you cannot allege abuse of process.

      Laptop, home.

      • Dianna

        What’s that you say?

        It’s not abuse of process if the plaintiff wins? If I lose it, it IS abuse of process automatically.

        If there was error in the court of first instance, your proper remedy is to file an appeal with the CORRECT appellate court? Not what MY legal advisor says.

        There are time limits in which to file an appeal? How obnoxious if true.

        And if the judge tells you with whom to file the appeal, that does not waive the requirement to make a timely appeal? You truly are a dim girl!

      • On the other hand, does the inclusion in a complaint eleven (11) separate inadmissible statements which are irrelevant, immaterial and scandalous count as eleven (11) separate “willful acts in the use of the process that are not proper in the regular conduct of the proceeding”?

        Hmm… I wonder what “ulterior motive” a person (hypothetically, of course) might have for putting such statements in a “protected” public record document?

  1. Heard through the grapevine that Johnny Atsign, a fictitious character, is reporting that there’s trouble in paradise.

  2. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 08.04.17 : The Other McCain

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