I’ve been reviewing transcripts from a wide range of hearings and trials in LOLsuits and peace order petitions filed by The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin. Yesterday afternoon, I was going over the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. trial. The second day contains a couple of my favorite moments of Brett Kimberlin as The World’s Worst Pro Se Litigant™. (That trademark belongs to Stacy McCain; I should hit his tip jar as a royalty payment.) My very favorite has to be TDPK’s attempt to examine Stacy, and the episode is real proof that one should never try to outcrazy Stacy McCain.
While it wasn’t as entertaining, Kimberlin’s biggest tactical blunder occurred while he was examining Aaron Walker.
MR. KIMBERLIN: Okay, now when you call me a pedophile repeatedly —
MR. WALKER: Un-huh
MR. KIMBERLIN: You must have some basis for that. Tell what you tell the jury why you know, why you think that’s true? And where is the truth, where is the evidence?
And Aaron spent the next several minutes explaining why.
Pro Se Tip—Never ask a question unless you know the answer and that it will help your case.
Schmuck.
1. Never turn your back on a Breen.
2. Never trust anything spoken or written by Schmalballz.
3. NEVER try to out-crazy Stacy McCain.
Follow these three rules, life generally turns out pretty good. Your mileage may vary, of course.
I’ve always been rather fond of Mr. Croce’s music, and this song in particular.
#4 Never become entangled in a land war in Asia.
Can’t believe I forgot that one.
Not to worry; Breens cannot lift their arms above their shoulders.
“But only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!”
And Witless made the same mistake with Ash in North Carolina.
Why do you think A?
Because of X, Y, and Z.
Two possible counter-thrusts.
First, but those facts are not in evidence. To which the devastating answer is: Yes they are now in evidence: my testimony is evidence of my reasons and intentions, and do you have credible evidence to impugn the accuracy of my testimony about my subjective state, you moron?
Second, a bit more subtle: those are not facts but subjective impressions. To which the devastating answer is: Perhaps, but opinions by definition are not defamatory.
Or: “They are now that you’ve invited them into evidence by asking me about them. Thank you for doing that.”
But they both have a first amendment right to know!!!!!
*snicker*
http://kimberlinunmask.com/files/haiku-13.jpg
My favorite quote (from an unrelated case, yet relevant here):
P: Your honor, I object!
J: Your question opened the door; he is therefore allowed to drive his truck through it. Objection denied.
It has been quite amusing watching Team Shutuppery opening doors for the past year. August 21 promises to be amusing.
I’ve said elsewhere that I think Bill will not show up. But I really hope he does. I’d LOVE to see his “performance” in court. Based on past performance it would be glorious seeing him bulldozed by John.
I don’t think I can make it, having to use my pto in a different fashion than in years past, but this may almost certainly be worth paying for the audio.
In a Carroll County context, “…having to use my pto in a different fashion…” brings forth hilarious images.
Other than “paid time off” and “power take off”, I’m lost, so I missed the funny.
Power Take Off – powers grain driers as well as manure spreaders. – Carroll County has a “Carroll County Covenant” required for all real estate transactions, which essentially says, “If you don’t want your neighbor spreading pig manure with his tractor right up to your property line, don’t move in here” – Images of the manure hitting the ventilator… earth augers … monster chain saws on the PTO…
Ahh, the covenant was the missing piece of the puzzle.
Devices like the ones you mention not infrequently block traffic on the road I live on. Never once complained, as those same farmers are more likely to plow the road than the county.
Can you still get tickets, or is the court date sold out?
A block has been reserved for Lickspittles. Check with Roy.
We are down to 12 available seats, so get your requests in ASAP.
I’ve got the beach ball to toss around in the crowd.
The wave will not be tolerated, but pointing & laughing is encouraged.
I’m bringing The Vault. Does anyone have a dolly to help me roll it in?
You shouldn’t say dolly when talking about a date involving the fat one. His inflatable girlfriend might get mad.
Reminder that loghter cannot be used inside the courtroom, so please remember to just bring glowsticks
@Katie,
I don’t have a dolly, but I do have a hand truck.
I hear there might be someone else there who has a dolly, though.
What date and which courthouse?
I have to make sure all those outstanding warrants in Maryland have been dealt with before I cross the state line again.
I am deathleventy sick today and very very lazy. Does anyone have an easy link to this section of the trial?
I got 1st round at the secret bar location afterward. Check with Roy for directions.
Folks; if you REALLY want see stupid here is Thomas Mix Deposition. He admitted under oath that he didn’t care that the lies he told about me were true. Further he then accused me of hacking him. Read it; the stupid BURNS. I wondering how much money the #VeroBeachCrybully spend on lawyer, ‘cause he might a well be pro se! https://my.mixtape.moe/vbcute.pdf
(FYI even though Mix has been boasting about his lawsuit on Twitter and how it was going to serve and an example to those nasty conservative stalkers he doesn’t want any of these public court documents read by anyone. He has gotten three scribd accounts deleted that all of which has nothing but pubic court documents on them…what is he afraid if? Everything is her if anyone want to waste their time reading http://bit.ly/2vWs0JU)