Blognet


It’s been a busy day with no time to finish a new episode, so it’s summer rerun time—

BlognetTitleCardMUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. An infamous cyberstalker has filed a bar complaint against a First Amendment lawyer. Your job … help get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Tuesday, July 5th. It was hot and muggy in Westminster. We were working the night watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 3:53 pm when I entered Room S-140, Internet Detail.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps across room.

WILSON: … OK, Bill. I’m sure we’ve got some useful information. I’ll ask the night shift to work something up for you … Yeah, we’ll send whatever we’ve got … Sure thing … Goodbye

SOUND: Chair pulled out. Telephone receiver hung up.

WILSON: Hi, Joe.

FRIDAY: Hey, Frank. What was that all about?

WILSON: That was Bill Arnold down in Richmond. They’ve been asked to look into the Internet angle on a bar complaint. They think we can help.

FRIDAY: Oh?

WILSON: The complainant is Parvocampus. They are looking for any connections he might have to this guy.

SOUND: Page torn off note pad.

FRIDAY: Oh, yeah.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: Hi, Frank, Joe. What’s up?

SOUND: Chair pulled out.

FRIDAY: Frank just got a little project for us. Here. Take a look.

SMITH: Not again!

WILSON: I’ll just leave that for you two.

SOUND: Chair pushed back.

SMITH: Gee, thanks, Frank.

SOUND: Footsteps across room.

WILSON: Always glad to be of service.

SOUND: Door opens and closes.

SMITH: Let me get this straight. Parvocampus has filed a bar complaint against the lawyer for the defendants in the case he just lost.

FRIDAY: That’s about the size of it.

SMITH: Is he ever going to learn?

FRIDAY: I doubt it. His level of ignorance is probably too great to be overcome.

SMITH: You’d think he’d eventually learn a lesson.

FRIDAY: Ignorance will usually respond to a dose of education, but not in Parvocampus’ case.

SMITH: How’s that?

FRIDAY: You can’t cure stupid.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: 7:48 pm.

SMITH: OK, Joe, I think I’ve got all the files that relate to Parvocampus and that Virginia lawyer. It’s several gigabytes. There’s no way we can email it.

FRIDAY: I knew it would be big, but that much?

SMITH: Parvocampus spews a lot of stuff. Almost all of it is his material.

FRIDAY: Hmmm. Let’s put it in a dropbox and send the link to Bill. I guess you should ask him if he wants us to mail him a DVD as well.

SMITH: I’m sure he’ll just be so pleased to have to plow through all of Parvocampus’s BS.

FRIDAY: Yeah, I feel a bit sorry for Bill. But look on the bright side for us.

SMITH: Huh?

FRIDAY: Someone else gets to deal with Parvocampus for a change.

NARRATOR: Bar complaints in Virginia are handled by the Virginia State Bar, an agency of that state’s Supreme Court. In a moment, a description of the process.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, we’re having those pleasant summer evenings when it’s nice to sit on the porch and sip a cold drink while listening to crickets and watching the lightning bugs. I’ve been sipping mine from one of the brand new Murum Aries Attigit tea tumblers. It keeps my iced tea cool in the summer, and it will keep my tea hot this winter. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store.  Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or do your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re all ways you can support the Team.

NARRATOR: Bar complaints in Virginia are handled by the Virginia State Bar, an agency of that state’s Supreme Court. Incoming complaints are first reviewed for assure jurisdiction, then a response is sought from the respondent. Next, the Bar Counsel reviews the matter for potential rule violations and will either close the case or refer the matter for further investigation and review by a committee of lawyers and non-lawyers. The committee will either close the case or hold a hearing. Parvocampus’ complaint was closed by the Bar Counsel as frivolous.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

7 thoughts on “Blognet

  1. now I know this is pure fiction, because you have crossed the line into talking about things that are just too ridiculous for anyone to believe. You’re not foolin’ me that easily!

  2. *Green ‘trailer screen’*

    This fall…

    (Ramin Djawadi’s epic theme from Pacific Rim starts to play)

    (Shown: slow walk of the defendants down a hall)

    They’re out to bag some COLOSSAL game.

    HOGEWASH: THE LOLSUITING
    COMING 2017

  3. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 07.21.17 : The Other McCain

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