73 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

    • If you laugh uncontrollably for more than four hours, seek medical attention right away.

      *car, going to urgent care

      • Be safe MJ! Pull over if you have a sudden bout that is uncontrollable. Don’t want you swerving into oncoming traffic!

  1. He’s like my own personal suicide prevention hotline. No matter how exhausted and disgusted with life I get, I just can’t leave this.

  2. New Bet Sheet up in the break room:
    What is the Cabin Boy’s next legal move?
    a) sue Mr Hoge’s attorney for not answering his emails fast enough
    b) file a Third Amended Complaint making sure to check spelling this time
    c) Take off on his Tour of America, assuming all this legal stuff will take care of itself
    d) file the Fourth and Fifth Amended Complaints
    e) search South Carolina for an attorney as brilliant as Bill, Twitter Attorney at Law
    f) drop the case, focus on his Parkinson’s blog/podcast, ignore everyone, flee to states #5 then #6.

  3. f) drop the case, focus on his Parkinson’s blog/podcast, ignore everyone, flee to states #5 then #6.
    I believe the only part of the above option The Johnnie Walker Red Baron will follow are ‘drop the case’ and ‘flee to states #5 then #6’.
    And I’m willing to get into the pool listing those options.

  4. Since Bill brought it up, I wonder how many court clerks googled him. Every guard/LEO at the doors will have a BOLO out on him. Our lutz muscles won’t be the only ones getting a work out. Your famous now Bill, just google it.

    • I’m sure John foresaw that Cabin Boy would try to amend too soon. I’m sure that John foresaw that his proposed amendment would be utterly incompetent.

      I’m not so sure that even John would claim to foresee that it would be so over the top, never seen before, incompetent to the degree it is. If he did, well I’m asking him to be my stock market stock picker.

  5. The funny thing is Bill thinks yesterday and today’s laugh fest at him is some conspiracy to trick him. He really printed that motion off, licked the envelopes, and probably leaned back in his chair proud of his legal writing achievement.

    • For all of our mockery of him, I think almost all of us have encouraged Bill to do what would be best for him legally (ie, drop the lawsuit, settle if possible with Hoge, never look at Hogewash, BillySez, TMZ, etc., and spend the rest of his life with his self-described fiance). He views that as a taunt, not as actual advice. I wonder if deep down he knows that this is the best course, but pride makes him refuse to consider it.

      “Yoo-hoo, hello loyal subject, we strongly recommend you stay down.”

      • I had an idea, years ago, that this was all a strange bit of performance art by John Hoge. There really wasn’t a Schmalfeldt, but it was an elaborate ruse…designed to generate clicks. No one. No one could be this consistently incorrect about so many things.

        And yet. Yes. Someone can.

        • My lady pays no mind to the details, but she’s been curious as to why I’ve been laughing at my phone or computer enough times that she has a rough outline. She refuses to believe “Schmawhatever” is real. She thinks it’s all an elaborate hoax and that I’m just silly thinking anyone would really do all this crazy, stupid stuff.

          • “Schmalwhatevah”

            Stolen…. with proper accreditation to your wife. 😉

          • My wife is the same way. There’s been times where I would mutter something along the lines of “I can’t believe this sh!t!”. At first, she’d ask about things. Now, she just says “That Bill idiot again?”. I love my woman. She knows me so well.

          • My wife usually refers to him as ‘the stalker’.

            And frequently follows up by asking if we need more ammo. (It’s only a death threat if you step onto my property, Shakey.)

          • Same. My sig other was curious enough to ask me why I was giggling uncontrollably while reading this blog. When filled in on the details, the reaction was, “How can anyone this stupid still remember to breathe?”
            That was over a year ago. I’m now asked every month or so what that “incredible imbecile”is up to lately. I read aloud this latest filing last night, and was told “this cannot be real, truly no one can be so detached from reality as this”.

  6. Does each amended complaint need to go through judicial review before it is mailed or served to the defendants? If so, we might see a few more counts go up in smoke.

    • Not if Schmalaw has anything to say about it. Just add another half-dozen made-up names every day or so and hit “Print”. What could be easier?

    • Schmalfeldt already wasted his ‘free’ amendment in “fixing” a trivial problem that we goaded him into amending. Dance Monkey! Dance!

      Further amendments require either the agreement of all defendants or the approval of the court. So the court has to review the motion, any oppositions filed and the proposed second amended complaint. Hard to guess if the court would review the complaint for its actual content as well.

      That he is motioning to amend so soon shows what an utter moron he is, as he is wasting the court’s time. That his proposed second amended complaint is so bad, and in several ways likely to do him great harm is the source of great amusement.

      • I’d love to see John’s lawyer file a motion saying, “Nope, we have no problem with it” then use it to utterly destroy Bill in court. But Bill can’t comprehend that happening because he never thinks further ahead then paying next weeks room bill.

        • I can’t predict what John’s attorney will do, nor the other defendants. But not opposing the second amended complaint actually might be a rational choice for some. Its really that bad, that much of an armed grenade in Cabin Boy’s own lap.

  7. He’s so delusional, his podcasts are so nasty, ridden with defamation, that these are not going to be played in court ?

  8. I find it interesting that one of the recurring themes in his pity-parties is that he’s on LOLSuit VIII because he’s pro se.

    Uh, huh.

    He forgets that his well-respected, pro bono, court-appointed attorney in LOLSuit VII refused to litigate his case. I’m sure that the attorneys of the defendants will make sure to rectify that when they have an opportunity to do so.

    • He probably thinks that his attorney ran from the case only because it was likely to lose.

      That would explain why he thinks no lawyer would take Hoge’s case given his belief that it’s a clear winner.

      I guarantee he has never thought that lawyers take clients knowing they’ll lose all the time. The lawyer’s pay is the same either way.

      I also guarantee he will miss my point.

      • If you have never paid legal bills, it’s likely that you not recognize the most potentially expensive words in English: “I could make an argument …”

        What is implied before those words is “Look, I already said that you will lose barring a miracle and that I am not going to do anything to get sanctioned personally, but if you were to agree to pay these fees,

        If you have only asked for a lawyer to work for a contingent fee or asked for a lawyer to be paid by the taxpayers or tried free legal advice columns on the Internet, you may not know that lawyers are generally paid by the hour.

      • One of the amusing little tidbits in his “Own goal” filing yesterday was when he casually said that he didn’t bother to attend the first Ash RO hearing because he was absolutely certain it had no chance of succeeding.

        Yeah, great way to win a case – don’t bother showing up.

        He also said he showed up at the recent RO hearing with 132 pages of blog posts (or somesuch) demonstrating why it was Right and Proper for him to question Ash so thoroughly. And that he was very Put Out that the Judge wouldn’t even look at them, and instead treated him like he was some kind of nutcase stalker.

        Where could she ever have gotten that idea? Well she must have been reading Hoge’s blogposts, obviously. In his words, he thought she acted like “an advocate” for Ash. Yeah, it looks like that when Justice and Law are completely on the side of one’s opponent in a case.

        (oh gawd, now I’m laughing again at the idea that he is going to a Federal Court with the claim, “I want you to give me damages against this woman because she got a Judge to agree that I am a deranged cyberstalker!!!”.

  9. I heard a rumor that Bill’s SAC is so brilliant that John’s lawyer is considering dropping the case. Of course that rumor was started by Bill based on the fact that John’s lawyer won’t acknowledge his emails in what Bill considers to be a reasonable time frame. The only explanation for that can be he’s too scared of Bill’s Pro Se legal genius.

  10. I would disagree with many here – this SAC by Bill Schmalfeldt can not be explained by ignorance or stupidity. It is so terrible, both from a legal and a logical point of view, that it can only be considered evil and vile. The only other option is insane, but I don’t think Bill is technically crazy – evil, yes, crazy, no. I really do hope this SAC is approved, just so either the court or the defense lawyers can slap the snot out of Bill for it. Because that is what WILL happen if this SAC becomes the active complaint.

  11. I go back and forth on the evil vs. crazy thing with respect to Bill.

    Started out thinking it was all kray but then I thought about how he drives very maliciously-personal needles into the collection of voodoo dolls he keeps for all his perceived enemies. And that bespeaks a considerable degree of evil.

    Finally decided to embrace the power.

    Brett Kimberlin The Speedway Bomber and Vexatious Litigant Extraordinaire, however is NOT a combo.

  12. Dumbfuck has been tweeting away under the protected block with his still-not-rebranded Twitter account. His tweet count went from 3493 yesterday to 3500 today.

  13. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 07.19.17 : The Other McCain

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