I’m Not Making This Up, You Know


The Cabin Boy™ has filed a motion for leave to file a second amended complaint in LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact. His proposed complaint is attached.

Other than noting that the filing appears to be facially defective, I’ll let my lawyer deal with this.

257 thoughts on “I’m Not Making This Up, You Know

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  2. I never thought in my life that I would ever interact with someone who was so stupid that it would be in the best interest of the general populace for that person to simply keel over and die.

    Check one off the bucket list.

    • Oh My Freaking God – that was comedy gold! It just kept getting better and better!

      He is SERIOUSLY suing Sarah for having the nerve to get a restraining order against him????

      The only thing that puzzles me is why he didn’t add the Judge in an that case as a co-defendant. Perhaps she will simply be an un-named co-conspirator.

  3. This blog needs trigger warnings before posting anything filed by the World’s Stupidest Man™. People could seriously hurt their LULZ muscles if they aren’t properly warmed up.

  4. “Facially defective” … uh, going for world record understatement there, good sir?

    I would be tempted …. just tempted mind you …. to agree to the requested amendment because the resulting Second Amended Complaint is a piece of cake to get dismissed.

    Cabin Boy is unbelievable in his stupidity, just unbelievable.

    • Better still, Drunkenstein’s retarded assertions aside, he almost certainly just destroyed his already flawed case for diversity by including Does.

      But it’s adorable that he thinks that he’ll get as far as discovery before he’s buried alive. It makes me happy.

      • This one nearly put me in the LULZ hospital. World’s Stupidest Man™

        Billy Sez (so sue me Ash) “The Doe defendants residence remains unknown, therefore cannot factor in the diversity jurisdiction.

        The Courts say, “These courts hold that the presence of John Doe defendants destroys original diversity jurisdiction, because courts cannot simply presume diversity is present and the proponent of jurisdiction cannot prove diversity without some indication of the Does’ citizenship.
        See, e.g.,
        Howell by Goerdt, 106 F.3d at 218;
        Meng, 305 F. Supp. 2d at 56.”

        Thus endeth the lesson in how to DUMBFUCK your own case. Hey DUMBFUCK learn the difference in how federal courts treat original jurisdiction over removed jurisdiction.

  5. I enjoy that a DUMBFUCK seems to be suing on behalf of South Carolina landlords. I enjoy that a lot.

    I like it even better that he’s doing it as a pauper.

    • [b][i]”I like it even better that he’s doing it as a pauper.[/i][/b]

      Well, to be fair, if I could show $2.8 million in actual damages, I’d likely need to file as a pauper too.

      • Interestingly, Rosa Parkinsons didn’t appear to include an affidavit from a single South Carolina landlord in his amendment to prove his allegations. Not a one.

          • Hmmm. Then a DUMBFUCK’s case is almost impossible to prove, it appears.

          • If there were justice in this world (well, and if this blog actually had anything to do with his troubles, which it didn’t) then every landlord in South Carolina would send our host a $50 gift certificate for the helpful services rendered.

    • If bill schmalfeldt had not broadcast and published to the world about his getting turned down for an apartment, nobody would even know.

  6. Did he even review or proofread his own freaking complaint?!? The GOOD news is that this amended complaint reveals this entire LOLSUIT to be vexatious and only meant to harm the defendants. But the BAD news is that this amended complaint reveals this entire LOLSUIT to be vexatious and only meant to harm the defendants, ensuring it will get tossed and the “other” stuff will not be allowed to move forward.

  7. And even after a judge told him it was immaterial, he’s still plucking the chicken about Ash’s address.

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  9. In reading the hysterical abuse of process section, it seems to me that Oliver Wendell Jones should be suing Jude Brown instead of Ash. His beef appears to be with the court more than anything.

    • And he can’t sue in Federal court over the NC court’s conduct. His complaint is even more incoherent and incompetent than before.

        • I am sure if you tried to explain the concepts to the fat racist stalker, it would be like trying to play chess with a pigeon…

          It knocks the pieces over, craps on the board, and flies back to its flock to claim victory.

          • And on what planet is someone who has already obtained a restraining order against you, expired or not, supposed to tell you that they don’t want you to contact them again?

            Is that planet overrun with roaches and toothless women?

    • It has been confirmed to me by someone who knows such things, that a necessary prelude to filing an abuse of process complaint is that one must have prevailed in th forum of the causative process. In this case, that would mean that he could only complain abuse of process in this case if Sarah Palmer’s suit had failed in NC. Her win precludes abuse of process.

      And now a speculation: Any violation, even the slightest tiny violation, of the Honorable Judge Browns order, if brought to the court’s attention along with a copy of this spurious “complaint’, will have an outcome quite unforeseen by casual bystanders familiar with the usual response of said court, and which will be exceedingly unpleasant for the marine mammal.

    • In order to prevail on a malicious prosecution case (Abuse of process in not an SC tort, DUMBFUCK) you also need to have prevailed in the case you’re suing over. Losing the case proves it was a good case because DUH.

      i know, HYPERTECHNICAL!!!!

  10. Para. 12. Hmm. GRADY’S blog? Those admissions of BS’s that he is Paul Krendler and it is his own blog will come in handy.

  11. I think this is his best work ever. A masterpiece. A stroke of genius. This tops blaming the head injury on the dog, then blaming the horse poo. This is greater than describing the wet sweats. This is far more creative than just mailing a hospital photo to strangers, or offering to take a photo and mail it off. This is better than “I want it all, Doug.” If you’re going to lost the right to file another lawsuit (without court permission) you gotta go ALL in. Doe, Roe and Poe, indeed.

  12. I don’t know how he did it, but with every amendment, he’s made the complaint worse. This is going to get kicked to the curb.
    Except for the counterclaims.

  13. Pat Grady is in his early 30’s?

    So how did he graduate college in the 80s?

    Bill’s a failure at failing. He can’t do ANYTHING right.

    • He asserts – without any evidence – that Grady is Krendler. Again. In hopes, I presume, of getting discovery to prove his assertion…?

      I dunno, maybe it’ll work this time. It’s done so well for him in the past.

    • So you concede he is a master of getting it all wrong!

      He does have a near perfect score on that front.

  14. Besides being just defective, I think Bill in several screenshots saved and past comments in the last couple months has proved bad faith and dilatory motive.

    And seriously, when will Bill once and for all explain South Carolina DMV form MV-94 and what papers on May 15th he delivered to prove SC residency? He said “none of your business” last time it was asked, but why would he continue with that line after being so interested in Sarah’s county residence and address?

    • I’m curious how a man who claims to be suffering from advanced Parkinson’s can get a driver’s license and auto insurance.

      • Was there any proof he had auto insurance?

        DMV: Do you swear on penalty of perjury that you have the state-mandated auto insurance?
        Fat Pedoketeer: Yeah, sure, okay.
        DMV: Here’s your driver’s license.
        Fat Pedoketeer, walking out of the DMV: That always works, heh heh heh. Oh, I just felt something I need to roll and sniff again! It’s my lucky day!

  15. (I’m posting this comment for a friend)

    Isn’t it required to have at least a smidgen of identifying information on each defendant? Ok, Hoge, Palmer etc. are identified by name, but there is no identifying information at all for the Poes, Does and Roes. In comparison, when reading the allegations in the initial Hoge vs. Kimberlin et whale complaint, each of the numerous numerated John Does are mentioned at least once in reference to some nefarious action, “…on April 1, 20xx John Doe 2 called me a doo-doo-head…” (or something like that – poor memory). How can the court, or (more importantly) potential defendants) know who is being suede here?

    Signed,
    E. Allen Poe #37

    • That’s more commonly known as failure to state a claim upon which relief can be granted. The lulzsuits are riddled with those.

      On another note, is the conspiracy working, everybody? I’ve never been a part of one before, so it’s hard to tell.

      • We prefer to keep discussions of the conspiracy to the confines of the seaside cave.
        By the way; Ash, as most recent victor in the Cult, has volunteered to bring tuna casserole to the next meeting. At least I hope it’s tuna.
        No kibble this time DPZM.

      • And alcohol. And impotent rage.

        Properly fleshed out, the SAC could get an NEA grant for performance art.

        • He’ll have to work a lot harder on the “crazy” part, but he’s a lock for the “stupid” part of the NEA grant application.

          • Now he’s going to sue you for stating without evidence that he’s insufficiently deranged to get taxpayer money, which will actually prove his point.

    • Bill Schmalfeldt’s error is more fundamental. On one hand, he lists a number of John Does. On the other hand, he declares that he reserving the right to add them later. That puts him firmly on both sides of the issue as to whether, or not, he is suing them!
      ..

      • You’d think he’d at least attach identifying ‘handles’.

        ‘John Doe #1, aka Pablo. John Doe #2, aka Toastrider. John Doe #3, aka BigSkyBob’ and so forth.

        People who are actually conversant in law feel free to correct me though.

    • It would be hilarious for all of us to file MTD’s for lack of jurisdiction and failure to state a claim.

      • How many of us should sign the brief as “Paul Krendler”? Only the person whose turn it is that week, or all of us in the rotation?

  16. OMG comedy GOLD, Your Honor Ms Palmer won in court and It’s not FAIR, further she defames me by using my own words!

  17. 3 things I’ve noticed.

    1. They once again moved within a short walk of a Waffle House.
    2. Bill is living in close proximity to a truck stop. Coincidence or a chance to claw his way out of poverty?
    3. Once again he is living in a crime ridden area with the hotel reviews complaining of roaches, illegal drug sales, and bedbugs. Good thing the Inflate-A-Boy is…well…inflatable or it would probably be pissed that this creeper keeps dragging him into these shit holes.

  18. You are all wrong. The reason why he won’t get his second amended complaint is that he forgot to say “pro se” in the first sentence.

    Everyone knows thats the key to gettif what u want.

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  20. It was a dark and stormy night.

    The candle… The candle flickers just off to one side of the Macintosh. A dirty glass, down to its last inch and a half of JWR, sits opposite the candle. The bottle is now empty. But there are others. To be had. To be sure. The role of quarters is fungible. It doesn’t HAVE to go to the laundromat. IKR? (Ash taught me a new one. You kids!)

    Pinkie Pie slumbers quietly in the same room. She’s not much for staying up past 11PM. And that makes for fewer post-midnight posts. But needs must-

    The Author leans back in his chair. His sweat stained wife-beater t-shirt is streaked with dried hydraulic fluid from a shot up B-17. It’s warm here down South. In the land of cotton. Where old times are not forgotten. Where folks is mostly polite; even to transplanted Yankee interlopers with socialist-leaning politics and very thin skins. Easier, especially, because the Waffle House is NOT one of those places where ‘everybody knows your name’. Well. Maybe not at the moment. WIP.

    All the eyes are dotted and all the tees are crossed. References? Check. Spellcheck? Check. “got my name right. This time.” Diversity, jurisdiction, justification and righteousness of cause? Check, check, check and CHECK ALL YOU MOFOS!!! “Eleventy all that you mewling twerps. I will OWN YOU ALL!!!” Wives and children are collateral damage TBD.

    Only one last thing to do. He does it. ‘Click OK to send’. Done and done.

    Lightening flashes and rain starts beating on the motel window. Thunder. The wind rises. And on it… On the wind… You don’t even have to listen hard to hear it. But it’s there.

    ‘DOOOOOMMMMMMMM…. Doooooommmmm. dooooooommmmm…. doomdoomdoomdoom.”

  21. Couple things I noticed:

    He said if anyone mentioned the Inflataskank Diane Preston-Schmalfeldt-Kelly-17-Lbs-Max-Pressure, he would add her as a co-plaintiff. Many people, primarily Howard Earl, have done so, and she remains un-added.

    MJ/Sonoran Conservative was fail-doxxed, which was in itself an act of defamation. Schmalfeldt said this was INTENTIONALLY done in order to identify him so that he could be added to the the suit. He also has not been added.

    Schmalfeldt is a deranged cyberstalker. This is as true a statement as the statement Schmalfeldt makes that Patrick Grady is a functioning sociopath.

    Bill Schmalfeldt is a liar. He said he would add his fiance as a co-plaintiff. He said he would add MJ as a defendant. He has not done so. QED.

    Bill Schmalfeldt is someone who is untrustworthy, who fails to live up to his commitments or abide by agreements he has signed. Twice in the last year he has moved in the middle of a lease. QED.

    Bill Schmalfeldt had the opportunity to make a clean start when he fled from Maryland to Wisconsin. He appears to have wasted that opportunity. This is a true statement. That he wasted that opportunity is no one’s fault but his own.

    He’s eternally butthurt because the people he wants to make shut up, go away and leave him alone have only one requirement…that he shut up, go away and not be a 24/7/365 object of pointage, laughery and mockfication on the Internet. And he is incapable of doing that which he wants of us.

    His efforts are causing more of that which he so despises. If only he could think his way out of this cage he’s built for himself.

    SAD!

    • “His efforts are causing more of that which he so despises. If only he could think his way out of this cage he’s built for himself.”

      That’s the tragedy here. He started all this by white knighting for his Most Excellent Pal, a convicted domestic terrorist and adjudicated pedophile. He is the architect of his own misery.

    • “Bill Schmalfeldt had the opportunity to make a clean start when he fled from Maryland to Wisconsin. He appears to have wasted that opportunity.”

      I would note that while Bill Schmalfeldt fled Maryland, he did not flee Bill Schmalfeldt. “Bill Schmalfeldt of Maryland,” “Bill Schmalfeldt of Wisconsin,” “Bill Schmalfeldt of Iowa,” and “Bill Schmalfeldt of South Carolina” all share “Bill Schmalfeldt.” Bill Schmalfeldt has the opportunity to make a clean start every day by quitting Bill Schmalfeldt.

  22. There is so many errors in this filing a child’s drawing with a crayon could get it thrown out. I could point out the 29 different errors I found in the first three pages of the amended complaint (I stop counting after the first 3 pages ) but why educate the DF. I will point out a couple just to mock him and infuriate him while he tries to decipher how much he f***ed up.

    First he should pick up a copy of the FRCP rules and study rule 11.

    Second he should study VAWA and learn the phrase court of Competent Jurisdictions.

    Finally he should heed the words be careful what you wish for it just might come true. Denial of the motion to leave may be much better the be granted as the motion has a fatal flaw that destroys his suit and would lead up a immediate dismissal should it be granted. . Not that was much chance anyways of it Surviving in its current form anyways.

    • One hilarious one is where he embeds part of his argument for the motion to amend _in_ the proposed Second Amended Complaint. It illustrates that he is simply incompetent.

      • That one is awesomely bad. I feel sorry for the clerks that have to go through this, what I would call crap but that would insult all forms of defecation world wide, because reading this with out knowing who DF is, may actively make someone dumber. I do suspect in the coming months they will be informed and will look forward to Oliver Wendell Jones next legal writings so they can have a good laugh.

  23. Hey, it says here TMZ is a _daily_ hate screed devoted to Schmalfeldt.

    PK, you have not been posting every day. Correct this AT ONCE!!! Please?

  24. Fishing. Expedition.

    Doe defendants with no cause of action?

    “I’m suing everyone for everything.”

    Yeah, that’ll work.

    • These doe defendants DF doesn’t know who you are, where your at or what you did but he wants his justice for get his panties all in a wad. So who ever you are your on notice that DF is on to you

        • I enthusiastically volunteer to be Cameron Poe… the wrongfully convicted special forces soldier who frikken saves the day in the cinema classic “Con Air.”

          I also reserve the right to tie a certain fat racist stolen valor twatwaffle to the underside of the plane, ala the classic corvette stingray in the film.

  25. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such fiction and purgery in one document before. That is hilarious!! Can’t wait to see the exhibits submitted by defendants. Now, when THIS hits google, Billy is really gonna be in a world of hurt. Just the discovery process alone would be gold, Jerry! Gold!

  26. Well, that was epic.

    In really simple terms, the abuse of process claim consists of:

    Let me show the court all the reasons Ash originally got two restraining orders.

    Now say that, despite the restraining order (expired or not, that generally indicates a certain distaste for direct contact from the person against whom one had obtained said order), and proceeded to annoy and harass the person with an irrelevant question.

    Then all this was admitted in court.

    Somehow, this translates as abuse of process because…reasons! And it’s a tort! Because you didn’t get your way, after admitting to being a harassing jerk.

    You might want to think about that.

    Way to shoot that claim in the head.

    Phone, MUNI.

  27. I’d loved to see more updates, but as AW says: “Case first, blog second”…

    The LULz will be epic when the full story can be told…

    The court should issue a sua sponte order to Google to disable all the Google Alerts Fatboi has set up over the years… Turning down the flame might soothe his butt-hurt..

  28. Some howlers on page 7:
    Because of the many years of libelous publications, including directives
    to Google Bill Schmalfeldt, it is understandable that South Carolina landlords would refuse to rent an apartment to the Plaintiff.

    So landlords google someone (cos that’s actually a sensible precaution) and they discover people saying “google this person”.

    Shocking.

    “Thus, due in large part to the libelous and reckless activities of the Defendants, South Carolina landlords have been deprived of
    the income they would make from a law-abiding renter.

    Totally law abiding. Why, it’s perfectly normal for law abiding citizens to have multiple restraining orders against them. Helpfully he even discusses this and how he considers it the judge’s fault – another perfectly normal thing for a “law-abiding” person to do.

    • More hilariously, things like Ken White’s description of Schmalfeldt have a higher google ranking than any thing written here or at TMZ

      • Yes, and it is all any decent person would need to read in order to want nothing to do with Bill Schmalfeldt. It was lovely of Blob to open the door to putting Ken’s entire post into evidence.

        • Bill,
          I am yet again forced to discuss your column after you continued to (1) make your OBN articles personal, rather than talking about what such an organization is attempting to do and its potential implications, and (2) continued to reply in an antagonistic manner within the comments sections / Facebook.
          Due to the continued disregard for projecting yourself in a professional manner, I am forced to suspend your access to our publishing platform again.
          This was not how I hoped things would work out, but I’m no longer in a position to justify the amount of effort we as an organization have to put in to mitigate the complaints your work is constantly receiving. I wish you well on your blog.-
          Best regards,
          Kevin Staunton
          Director, Northeast & Mid-Atlantic Regions
          ——-
          This December 2011 e-mail from an Examiner editor seems clear enough, eh? And Bill published this e-mail himself, so he can’t blame @antvq16 for merely describing it — “personal attacks and unprofessionalism” is an accurate synopsis — after Schmalfeldt claimed that his termination by the Examiner was because “stalkers” accused him of having “multiple accounts.”
          http://theothermccain.com/2013/09/30/bill-schmalfeldt-sadism-sodomy-and-other-bizarre-mental-aberrations/

          Yea, his reputation is totally ruined by other people, not himself.

    • He’s worked hard to earn restraining orders spanning an entire continent, and he refuses to be held responsible for it!

    • Wtf? Deprived? By definition they aren’t deprived if they choose to google someone and then not offer a lease based on that.
      I’m still not sure that’s what’s going on. Google isn’t always reliable (I have friends that share names with felons.) Professionally managed complexes may not go that route, opting for the basic background and credit check instead. I don’t see where he’s asserting, much less showing proof that there’s nothing exclusionary in those basic steps.

      • It is much, much more likely whatever happened at his previous residences are keeping him from being able to rent.

        Which opens the question of why he and his #4 soul-mate didn’t either share his place in Iowa or move into her place. Why the sudden move?

        • If he even actively applied anywhere – it’s possible he hasn’t and is just making up excuses. He provided no evidence that he’s applied *anyplace* let alone more than one place and he probably understands he’d fail a reference check and well he’s pled poverty to the court so he’s got that going for him in the desirable tenant qualifications list.
          If he violated or broke his leases, that’s on him.
          Still wondering what happened to the pets.

          But Google had his number long, long, long ago.

        • It’s also likely that the thing all over Google that has landlords declining to enter a relationship with him is his propensity to file frivolous lawsuits.

      • Oh, and this is the blurb for that book I presume was written by bill schmalfeldt.

        Bill’s second book of left-wing satire, gleaned from his online column, “Observations of a Brain Damaged Troll” at Technorati.com. His latest offering is a book that is guaranteed to anger EVERYONE.

      • Oh my Amazon is a trove”

        Outrageous Accusations and Damnable Lies: Skillfully Told by a Brain-Damaged Nobody Paperback – February 4, 2011
        by Bill Schmalfeldt

        . Dumb*sses Knuckleheads Media Odds and Ends. A full listing of essays can be found in the Table of Contents. Thanks to the editors at Technorati.com for providing first publication for the vast majority of these works. I take full responsibility for my own words, whether I meant them sincerely or not. And that s part of the fun about reading satire… how much of what you re reading is based on YOUR preconceived notions, and how much is based on the writer? Let s see, shall we?

        Note teh date.

    • I doubt Google hurt him as much as a credit check. And I am certainly unclear as to the reasons why he quickly decamped from Wisconsin, and Iowa, but if a prospective landlord called his old ones (as they do) they may have gotten an earful.

      • If he could file a a suit that could survive a toddler’s motion to dismiss, he might find that bringing up his housing situation is … unfortunate. Discovery being what it is.

        But of course Schmaleldt would absolutely make sure that his previous experience with leases became part of the public record and available to googling landlords everywhere.

  29. I think there’s trouble in paradise, i.e., a roach motel room in Florence.
    No more podcasts.
    Little public interaction any more.
    That, or someone is tired of playing the part of a significant other.

    • One of the key parts of his delusion was struck down. That’s the one where he tells himself that he got all those restraining orders because he didn’t show up and demonstrate his innocence and genius.

      That’s gonna smart.

      • I’m sure he’s just building a new cloud castle, this one involving hateful misandrist judges or something. I mean, he would have won last Friday if the judge had been a man, right? /obviously sarc

      • I think you are wrong. No matter that his record belies his claims, he continues to make them. He has conveniently forgotten that he has previously lost without defaulting. I think his excuse the first time was that Hoge’s attorney and the judge had a thing going, or is that a false memory on my part?

    • If I had a significant other that was co-hosting a radio program, and, that significant other had a tendency towards “dead air,” I would normally and naturally step forward to fill those gaps. That’s how couples tend to act: the stronger covering for the weaker. On the other hand, if I was impersonating my significant other, I couldn’t fill the “dead air” for the very reasons there is dead air. The reports of listeners is that “their” “podcasts” were full of “dead air.”

  30. Peter Poe, Randy Roe, Polly Poe, and Rhonda Roe? Wow what does he have against the Poe/Roe family?

  31. Whoa now. Hold on. I’m not lawyer but I’m pretty sure you can’t just use Doe defendants as placeholders for people who may be added for various reasons undisclosed. Does represent specific people who’s identities are unknown, but you’d have to lay out specifically what each Doe did. Otherwise why not just attach Does to every case to avoid having to amend….

    • Depends. In personal injury and/or wrongful death cases, you can sue John Does to use the discovery process to find their names.

      But Dumbfuck equates butthurt with personal injury. There are many who probably believes that he is brain dead and he is merely suing for his own wrongful death.

        • Yeah what you’re saying.
          You’d allege their connection and then ID them.
          He’s saying he’s going go to ID them to.. . Determine if they did something I guess? Which makes no sense.
          The only thing I’ve ever seen that’s close is a suit involving a beauracratic process where Does were included as people who participated in the various process stages (middle managers and such) . But that’s not really applicable here.
          I think he’s trying to imply discovery will show a huge conspiracy. But that’s not how it works.

  32. “Hoge seems to spend most of his free time suing people.”

    There is just a bit of irony here since this is his the 8th attempt at suing pretty much the same people over the past 5 years or so.

    I am not following all the legal strategy of our gentle host, but even I can see TCBBS has stepped in a world of hurt and continues to stick his own neck in the noose while offering tips on how to adjust the gallows trap door.

    This may personifies the reason dinosaurs became extinct.

      • Interestingly enough, in Philippine English, “irony” means exactly that. (It is the result of a pocket dictionary used in the schools which defines “irony – n. 1) speech contrary to fact 2)…”

    • Yet another instance of him saying something that’s the polar opposite to the truth.

      Also amused that he still hasn’t got the balls to properly identify John’s job title.

  33. I greatly fear that these LULZ will be of short duration because no one will have a chance to file a counter-claim before this abortion gets dismissed sua sponte. Even if that rarity does not happen as it should, is it not likely that each defendant take the smooth path and file for a motion to dismiss?

    • No, they won’t simply file MtD, I expect 3 counter-suits.. The Ram has Touched the Wall and I expect our Esteemed Host’s instructions to Counsel include what screen size the rubble should end up. To heck with making the rubbble bounce, I expect it will be able to be blown away by the next high wind when the courts are done with Teh Scat in a Hat.

      • I CANNOT confirm that today in a private phone conversation, a defendant (whose lawyer as mettle) said “When we get done, there won’t be any rubble”.

  34. Also he recently posted that he moved to SC for NO OTHER REASON than to be with D Kelley.
    Though before that he was just interested in touring this Great Nation for no particular reason.
    He wasn’t fleeing anything thing according to him. And he never fled Wisconsin, he said he went there where people knew him for a career opportunity and a little house he could retire in with a yard for a dog and tub for a cat.

    For sure he fled Maryland to avoid getting in trouble fore the perjured IFP, but he said that was to be with family in a place where he could reconnect with his faith. He just broke his lease there cause someone was stupid enough to let him on air on their station.

    • There is as yet no evidence that he broke a lease. There are actually three mutually exclusive possibilities in each state, Wisconsin and Iowa.

      He had a lease for an unusual term, such as 5 and a half months. Either state, 2 possibilities.

      He broke a lease. Either state, 2 possibilities.

      He was evicted. Either state, 2 possibilities.

      That’s 3 + 3 = 6.

      Of course, the actual facts may come out during this case. I suspect that one or more defendants will be asking for affidavits from the relevant landlords.

      Just think: each defendant can ask for discovery on a different topic and then share the results with the other defendants.

        • Not at the nunnery, at least not at first. He used to talk about shacking up with relatives back, maybe half in jest, but I think not, when he was posting indiscreetly on Facebook…

          I wonder if the rental add for that place in Iowa is still Googleable. I thought the cancer scare was something he might have cooked up in relation to his Iowa tenancy, either to buy time OR break a lease after he was fired from his radio job for not restraining his obnoxious political chatter.( Never was sure if that was a try-out or probationary gig that he unwisely uprooted himself for, counting chickens before they were hatched, or was expected to stay, but he just got canned for being awful.) it’d be interesting to find that place came with a year lease.

  35. One of the more funny things Schmalfeldt claims is actual damages of $100,000. He is a pauper with actual damages of $100,000????

    His IFP must have several pages of loans outstanding to pay for all his actual damages.

  36. Peter Poe was a jolly old soul,
    who never hurt a fly.
    Until one day a turd flew by,
    and the lulz commenced to flow.

  37. My personal favorite nugget of unintentional hilarity from page 12 of this lulzapaloser:
    “He lives in fear of his life and safety”
    So the next person to get a restraining order against Bill Schmalfeldt will be … Bill Schmalfeldt?

  38. Well, he didn’t walk into court and fuck himself like he did last Friday. This time he fucked himself via mail/email. Just as effectively, or perhaps even more so, because [REDACTED].

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