110 thoughts on “Legal LULZ Du Jour

  1. Any one want to bet he’s already started calling Florence lawyers asking if they’re representing WJJH?

    (Re-posted from TKPOD)

    • Not a chance.

      In fact, I hope he has. Can you imagine if the lawyer’s last name starts with S, and every lawyer in Florence listed alphabetically from A-R files a motion to sanction this idiot?

      While it would result only in a slap on the wrist, it would be funny if the judge REQUIRED the DUMBFUCK to geta lawyer, and he would already have disqualified all those attorneys, and be left only with S – Z to convince he has a case.

      Or he could just refer them to M. Sorich in Chicago so he can tell any prospective SC attorneys what a genius DUMBFUCK is.

  2. That’s truly delusional bravado. I’ve seen the complaint and it’s incompetent. Not intimidating at all. The worse part of it is that 12b6 motions on incoherent gibberish complaints are a pain in the ass because you have to put some structure on it for the judge.

    But in terms of legal argument, it’s easy stuff.

  3. Shakes is a fool. What other than his unfounded bluster does he have? Nothing.
    He knows he is behind the eight-ball in both cases. It’s top shelf entertainment watching him preen like a spaz.
    Don’t ever change, Shakes.

  4. Assume the lawyer hasn’t seen it yet? Does he really think it’ll cause him to run away screaming? Lawyers defend prople, it’s like half of what they do. Even if it were rock solid (it’s not) a lawyer might take the case for any number of reasons.

    • Hey, you never know who could be a lawyer in SC among all the TFS readership.

      According to The Fail Wail, landlords read us, so why wouldn’t lawyers?

      • Just because BS is apparently insane doesn’t mean the lawyer isn’t, but that’s the way I’d bet.

    • “I’d welcome talking to a lawyer if he’s sane and reasonable.”


      But I guess it stands to reason that the lawyers who he talks to about representing him are not sane and reasonable (or at least, not sane and reasonable as a DUMBFUCK understand those words) because they refuse to represent him. Why then, would he find any lawyer willing to represent John Hoge or any other named defendant to be any more sane and reasonable?

      It’s an analog to the old poker aphorism, “If you can’t spot the sucker at the table, it’s you.”

      In this case, “If everybody but you is insane and unreasonable, guess what?”

      • You’d think the lawyer in Illinois he was provided with would have helped him understand this, but nope.

      • On his trip over (before he made a show of throwing away his drivers license) Bill was driving down the freeway when his One and Only called his cell phone. “Bill, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on I-20. … “It’s not just one car,” said Bill, “It’s hundreds of them!”

      • Some lawyers make it a practice not to correspond, besides what is required, (to serve papers, etc) with an unrepresented adversary party. There is professional danger, for example, of appearing to or being accused of giving legal advice to the adversary party. I myself would not have a conversation with Bill beyond stating the intention to limit contact. The pleadings must speak for themselves.

        • Oh, and relating offers of settlement is one thing that lawyer would do. But have a conversation about the case? No. NOOOOOO.

      • I assume sanity would be recognizing he has a winning hand and reasonableness would be to start with discussions of a settlement? Because I’m going to assume the number of sane and reasonable lawyers could be counted on one hand with fingers to spare.

    • He did talk to a lawyer.

      But I guess to The Fail Wail that sane and reasonable lawyers don’t immediate file to dismiss a client’s case while begging the judge to release them from any further involvement.

      I mean it’s one thing for an attorney to decline your case, but when they are ordered by a judge to take a case and they still can’t run away fast enough, you know it’s bad.

    • Exactly how does the Twitter Attorney at Law Bill Schmalfeldt judge whether lawyers are sane and reasonable? Hummm…..
      More importantly, people are advising HIM to speak to an attorney because of the trouble he has made for himself in this case. Not because LULZSUIT VII poses any sort of danger or trouble for Mr. Hoge or the other victims. He just doesn’t understand whats happening around him.

      Anyone remotely familiar with Team Kimberlin or the Cabin Boy Bill Schamlfeldt legal activities the past 4+ years know EXACTLY how this latest LULZSUIT is going to end. It will end just like the previous suits filed by the legal genius Schmalfeldt have ended……Bill loses. Period.

        • “…even more badly…” – the famous British habit of dry understatement.

          Down here they say “he gonna be in a whole world o’ hurtin'”.

          The traditional railroader term for this is “a cornfield-meet with reality”.

      • Well, poor old Roger Shuler always determines whether a lawyer is sane and reasonable by whether that lawyer agrees with every idea of Roger Shuler and whether that lawyer does just what he wants him to do and succeeds doing exactly what Roger thinks makes a good case. I suspect Bill is the same way, based on his Avvo convos. He is so busy trying to make his case he leaves out information the lawyer needs to give advice.

    • Biwwy thinks that “sane and reasonable” = agrees with Biwwy.

      That’s the exact opposite of what “sane and reasonable” means.

    • Also you don’t have to play all 4 quarters in the court system. There’s a mercy rule… Well. It’s not exactly mercy, dunno what else to call it. But the point is there’s a rule for ending the game early to use the metaphor he’s going for. But unlike the mercy rule in kid’s sports this one has consequences

      • I wouldn’t call it a “mercy” rule, more like a “Ok, we got this one figured out, the Court has got better things to do with its time than jack with you anymore” rule.

      • In lawyer talk I think it’s Rule 11. Bill should acquaint himself with it.

      • Court is not analogous to football. Court is analogous to boxing or MMA or wrestling. There may be a time limit, but one good shot can end the bout immediately.

        Bill “Glass Jaw” Schmalfeldt should know this better than anyone.

    • Anyone else think that he’s going to claim that the lawyer in question is incompetent, possibly even using the fact that he took this case as proof?

      • Surpise! Lawyers don’t negotiate with pro-se’s in the way Bill is likely thinking about.

        • One need only look at David E’s or Aaron’s correspondence with Bill to see the tone and tenor they take.

          • And I think if you look at that correspondence, both David and Aaron bent over backwards to be solicitous and patient when explaining Bill’s epic fuck-ups to him.

            Whoever the new lawyer is, I doubt that he really has any such responsibility as an advocate for the defense, unless it is in his client’s very best interest to do so.

            If the client wants the attorney to stomp Bill guts into jelly, the attorney is probably ethically bound to do that. As I would be morally bound to pay scalper’s rates for floor seats to the show.

    • “Sane and reasonable,” like his free lawyer in Illinois? The one who made him dismiss the case within a couple of weeks? Like that?

    • “Play all 4 quarters.”
      That drunk, dumb and fat kid sure plays legal pinball.*
      *apologies to The Who.

  5. “Still gotta play all 4 quarters. I’d welcome talking to a lawyer, if he’s sane and reasonable. Glad to show him what a liar Hoggy is.”

    Dimwit. If the lawyer is representing Hoge, he’s not going to care what nasty lies Cousin Bill has invented.

    The lawyer represents Hoge, and is obligated to promote Hoge’s interests, within the bounds of legal ethics and rules!

    • No, No! Cousin Roy, you are oh so wrong! ALL lawyers involved in the case must advance Bill Schmalfeldt’s interest. Because his case is so strong, and all that. They know they will have no chance in court, so it’s in their best interest to negotiate a settlement with Bill, legal geinyus.


  6. Does Bill really think a pro-se parties can have conversations with a lawyer. Aaron amused you to laugh at you … the new lawyer won’t. Local court rules expressively say contacts between pro-se and lawyers should be limited to scheduling. Your emails will deservingly go to trash.

  7. Play all 4 quarters?????? His fat ass runs at the thought of being the stadium!

    Football terminology might be appropriate when he gets jail time for contempt,; though his status as a tight end will change over time.

  8. My guess is that the lawyer HAS seen the complaint, and is looking forward to figuratively jamming it down Bill’s throat. Even lawyers need some amusement at times.

    • That’s motivation enough (“legal LULZ”) for a high-powered attorney to take a free-speech/lawfare case, pro bono.

      Particularly when the plaintiff is a disgusting, perverted nutshuffler…

      • Attorney: Why should I take this case, Mr. Hoge?
        Hoge: Google Bill Schmalfeldt.
        Attorney: Googling. Googling. Googling. Let’s draw the paperwork, Mr. Hoge.

      • I know I’ve told the story of my Business Law prof who was snickering with the occasional giggle as he told us about dealing with a vexatious litigant for one of his clients. The VL had a habit of suing companies for not quite enough to make it worth their while to go to court, so they’d pay him off, and that was how he made his living. But one company figured out what was going on and had deep enough pockets that they didn’t care and told the law firm they used to “destroy him”. By the time BLP was done with the VL, the VL had had to declare bankruptcy and had had several 72 hour holds.

    • I was initially thinking that the lawyer hadn’t seen the actual complaint, because we haven’t heard of any hospitalizations in the area for sprained lulz muscles. On the other hand I’m sure that John reminded him to properly stretch and warm up first.

  9. This phase of his lawfare will be very expensive for him, garnished with a sprinkling of greens leaving his suitcase

  10. http://i.imgur.com/bual1RJ.png
    What’s Dumbfuck’s fascination with phallus statements and actions? I mean he makes gay rape porn that involves raping minor Cub scouts, photoshops Hoge’s facsimile onto gay pornographic pictures, and now he’s saying “Pro boner”? There’s quite a trend here which it implies that Dumbfuck is actually a gay man who pretends to be straight. He’ll probably be visiting a local glory hole at 706 Indian Branch Rd, Darlington, SC 29532 if he’s in Florence, SC already assuming they have one there. It’s got 4.4 stars.

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  12. Okay guys, I am stumped by the official pool hangman contest on naming one of the pro-bono’s. The letters I have so far are R_ _ D_ Z A . Can I get at least a hint?

  13. http://i.imgur.com/viPXOCv.png

    It’s sad that you’re just jealous that we support Hoge in his case against the pedophile and you. It’s certainly more than the amount of people supporting you which is less than the fingers on one hand. You probably used to have more but you got banned from all these sites. I mean you got banned from Daily Kos by Kos himself which is hilarious. Once a dumbfuck, always a dumbfuck. Keep it up.

  14. Am I missing something here? I seem to remember hearing something about pro se plaintiffs in this court needing to pass muster by a judge before being allowed to proceed.

    And I haven’t heard about anything like that happening.

    So the rocket is not on the launching pad. It’s sitting on the access road at the guard shack outside the gate, it seems.

    Which would make Bill’s fantasies of Victory and Dooooom a little premature and silly.

    • It would seem that the last vestige of connection with reality has been severed; the delusions are now entirely free-floating.

      Sort of like [redacted; too disgusting] bowl.

    • A Magistrate Judge “reviewed” the case. and determined that 1 of the 4 torts Bill claimed didn’t exist, but the other three did, so he allowed the case to proceed. Bill is now gleefully fantasizing about serving the summons on everyone, even though the U.S Marshalls do it for an IFP plaintiff. And they do it poorly, as demonstrated in LOLSuit V, where they never served me, even though I was known and have lived in the same place for 20+ years. Bill thinks all of this is a good thing – what it really means is that he gets to be further embarrassed by Hoge – this time by Hoge lawyer. It will be LOL worthy.

    • LurkyLou, judging by the magistrate judge’s opinion, it looks like what they do is review the complaint from a macro perspective, namely, are the causes of action in the complaint grounded in either federal or SC state law? This is interpreted very generously. Of the 4 causes of action in BS’s complaint, only 1 could not go forward under that standard. The other three are torts that exist under SC law, so they stayed. This does not mean that they are well pleaded (they’re not), or that the court has made a decision on the merits of the case (it hasn’t).

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