94 thoughts on “Legal LULZ Du Jour

    • “It’s fine early in the evening, then at 12:01 AM, like clockwork, he starts screaming HOOOOOOOGEE!!!! Not at midnight, a minute after. Every night. It’s wierd.”

      – purported complaint from Bill’s neighbors, purely a matter of opinion.

      • Allow me to suggest a different motive, and of course we’re dealing in probabilities here, not certainties. And these possible motives are NOT mutually exclusive.

        I suspect someone may just have whined his way into getting a week on credit, hoping he could move someplace permanent, and then gotten the boot when he wouldn’t or couldn’t pay the overdue bill.

        Always easier to get a new audience than it is to get a new act. Looks like the over/under of his ability to stay in one spot has declined to about 3 weeks or so, and I don’t think he has much of a choice in that anymore.

        That”s what rock bottom looks like.

        • Er, no. Rock bottom includes sleeping on the sidewalk in a stolen mover’s furniture blanket.

          Phone, Stukkyholmur, Iceland.

          • I don’t know about Stuckey’s; I know that a famous fictional Marine Expeditionary Unit was based in Stukkyholmur.

  1. Wouldn’t it it terrible for a DUMBFUCK to miss service in Ash’s RO case, only to have the hearing rescheduled for the middle of the Maryland trial.

    And by “terrible”, I mean “hilarious.”

    • His tweets already show constructive knowledge and plenty of time to contact the court. Also, showing that he can appear.

      All elements that will proceed as the last nine restraining orders he will not show, he fears arrest and detention.

    • Doesn’t matter, he’s already aware of the “SHOW UP THIS IS THE FREAKING TRIAL” hearing.

      Although I do believe Maryland courts phrase it differently. They may be perhaps a tad more subtle.

    • Wonder if it was the repeated slurred yells of “KIIIDDDDYYYY FUUUUUKKKKEEERRRRRRRRRR” that finally got people to complain?

  2. 1. Sarah files a restraining order against Dumbfuck.
    2. Dumbfuck goes on a long twitter rant about how he can’t find residence.
    3. Announces that he is moving out of the roach motel possibly to evade service.

    Ohhh just came in.
    Now you’re going to show up and you’re not facing imminent death from Parkinson’s? What changed? You’re magically cured? What’s your argument against the RO going to be? “Your honor, these people mock me every day! So I posted information about them publicly because I AM A JOURNALIST! If they don’t give me what the public has the right to know, I am supposed to sue them! Right? Right?”

    • You forgot the first step.
      Dumbf5ck harasses (again)someone who has already gotten a previous RO against him, for the same behavior.

      • Not only that, he didn’t even show up to the original RO hearing. Now he can travel for some reason!

        He claims that it’s a 3 hour bus ride, not so! Not if he’s traveling Greyhound. It’s an 23 hour trip according to their website. Other services is 17 hours.

        If he gets there in 3 hours, it’s because he drove his own vehicle or traveled with someone.

    • Sarah better bring lots of Febreze. You don’t know what’s been going on between Dumbfuck and his blowup doll. I suspect he’s still been rolling and sniffing his bowels together and possibly ordering horse poop to their roach motel address. Don’t even bother to shake his hands.

      • And there goes his excuse for not showing up to his contempt hearing. He has the right to remain silent he just doesn’t have the ability.

      • I suggest you bring two or three South Carolina good ol’ boys to the hearing. You can’t trust this idiot, Shakes the clown.
        And I wouldn’t say a word to the A-HOLE unless it was through the court.
        If he even approaches you, whether inside or outside of the court room, have him arrested for assault. He doesn’t have to physically touch you. Just a look that you believe is meant to intimidate you is enough.

      • The advice “search your soul ” does NOT mean examine your feces for small, stinky green things that can be rolled up into a ball.

        Just saying.

    • “Your honor, I was only harassing her because she previously obtained a restraining order against me.”

  3. Doesn’t Bill have anything better to do than to rant and rage on Twitter all day long?

    No. No, I guess he doesn’t.

    • This is Dumbfuck we’re talking about here. He dedicated 5 years of his life and one neglected now deceased wife so he could collect 9 restraining orders.

    • He could be recording and editing a podcast so it’s more than dead air and bodily noises.

      He could be meditating, practicing control of his emotions so his lack of impulse control doesn’t get him in trouble.

      He could be volunteering at a homeless shelter, “paying it forward”.

      He could be reading a good book, or a cheap book, or anything, really.

      He could be just enjoying the company of the person he’s with.

      But, no, he’s raging on Twitter, doing the exact thing that got him in trouble.

  4. To sum up, William Schmalfeldt and his good friend the violent felon Brett “Speedway Bomber” Kimberlin have been for years attempting to fill the Internet with lies about their political enemies, including salting forgeries and doxxing people in the apparent hope of them being attacked by terrorists like Pamela Geller.

    Now, truthful descriptions of Cabin Boy’s conduct, stalking, frivolous lawsuits and perverted interests are becoming inconvenient to him? Suddenly?

    There is an interesting legal doctrine called “unclean hands” that we will introduce Cabin Boy to.

  5. They can’t find a perm place? I can’t imagine why hairdressers would refuse service because of what they found on Google.

  6. If you’re moving a particular location because you want to be closer to the federal courthouse and you’re not a member of the Bar, you must be an epic DUMBF*CK.

      • Remember when he asked how many times he’s actually ended up in cuffs? He’s the one always jawing about taking wives & houses, having people convicted of perjury, and getting them hauled off to jail. Failures don’t get any bigger than Billy. And that’s some serious big.

        • Someone should check the call sheets of the local police. Maybe they were called to a certain room to settle a complaint about bedbugs or something that got out of hand.

          • He means everyone in his family is as obese as he is.

            Of course, since he’s the only person in his family, that fact is indisputable.

          • The ones who, when he tried to drag them into it, said ‘Uh, no thanks’?

        • Odd – queer even – that such a BIG family haven’t leapt to the barricades and offered accomodation.

          Or perchance they did in Clinton, and instantly regretted it.

      • He’s probably going to do his usual and file a complaint about “harassment” of a “disabled” American.

        He sued Roy two years ago over that comment. He dismissed with prejudice. He lost.

        • By complaint, I mean a criminal complaint, like he used to do in Maryland and Wisconsin. And Illinois.

  7. Rental agencies care about a few things:
    1. Will you pay your rent on time and in full?
    2. Will you take care of the place?
    3. Will you be a pain in the backside, which includes litigiousness?

    • I don’t know much about SC, but in most cities I’ve visited, “closer to the Federal Courthouse” just about always = inner city = ghetto.

      • Also, Myrtle Beach is a popular beach resort area. Rent was already high at the Bedbug Inn. They may have even raised it.

        • Yes. Going inland has consequences other than lower rent. The ocean water and breeze has a moderating effect. Bill Schmalfeldt is might be surprised about how hot it well be. A metaphor for future event IYKWIMAITTYD.

  8. Bill, we DEMAND to know the name and number of the landlord you claim denied you for an apartment!! You have a legal obligation to provide this information asap. You are only making things harder for you & ur blow-up-princess.

    If we do not receive the landlords contact info by midnight tonight est, we will be forced to [REDACTED],

  9. “Au Contraire(sic), “Cousin” Cringe. I can’t wait to expose you for the craven coward and liar you are. Now, tell the officers if (sic)cuffs too tite(sic).

    “There is no “Roy Schmalfeldt.” I could not have sued “Roy Schmalfeldt” He doesn’t exist there is no prejudice. Even a BAD lawyer knows THAT! “

    You can’t have it both ways, dimwit. Either I exist, and can be cuffed and sued, or I don’t, and can be neither cuffed nor sued.

    You, on the other hand, are still a vile rapist, either way. Hey, Google, look over here at William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr., rapist!

    • Every time you mention me, Cousin Bill, it just gives me another opportunity to use the two phrases “William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr.” and “vile rapist” in the same googlebomb posting.

      Or haven’t you figured that out, just yet?

      Dimwit. Call Babs, ask her how it worked out for her…

    • Maybe you’re like Schroedinger’s Cat: existing and not existing at the same time.

    • And if you have to go back two freaking years to find something you apologized about, it isn’t making you look any better.

  10. Bill, that non-apology was insulting, self-appraising, self-serving and whiny. And FWIW You were never in the right, the situation did not need investigation, let alone your investigation, you had no business asserting the things you did and you did it just to be a bastard to someone you don’t like. You should have stopped at decency, but you didn’t. You were wrong. You were wrong in every way it was possible to be wrong.

  11. “I’m not even going to wait for service! This is FABULOUS news. 3 hour bus ride? NO PROBLEM!!! Oh, Sarah… I CAN’T WAIT!!!”

    7 hours later…

    “Not only can I NOT afford the bus ticket, OR the hotel for two nights, OR the meals, cabs, etc., why should I have to defend a LEGAL ACT?”

    Life comes at you fast…

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