Legal LULZ Du Jour

The Gentle Reader who has been following The Tale of <sarc>Brave</sarc> Sir Robin William for a while has probably noticed how often he claims that his adversary du jour is lying and will surely be facing perjury charges. For example, when I opposed his (later denied) motion to modify the first peace order slapped on him, he claimed to have found 24 lies in my lawyer’s opposition and tweeted this—That his motion was denied and the peace order later extended should be a hint to the Gentle Reader as to who the court found was telling the truth and who the court believed wasn’t.

Immediately after the December, 2013, hearing renewing the first peace order, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt went to the District Court Commissioner in Westminster and filed an Application for Statement of Charges against me for perjury during the hearing. The Commissioner declined to charge me.No, the Cabin Boy’s™ arsenal includes much more than stalking and harassment. False accusations of perjury are among his many weapons. And running away in the end.

140 thoughts on “Legal LULZ Du Jour

  1. Lying is the worst sin he knows of and he rails against it whenever he gets a chance. Especially bad when he thinks someone is lying to or about him.
    It’s just his soul struggling against the private little hell he’s built for it.

    Don’t know why he spent so many years trying to be a truck driver or radio guy. Sounds like he could have had a rewarding career as a projectionist.

    • I thought he rolled, sniffed, and flushed the last vestige of his soul long ago?

    • My first interaction with the Creepy Stalking A$$hole was when I called him out for posting an Amazon chat transcript that was an obvious forgery.

      His response was bluster and insult. That hasn’t changed.

      It’s been about two years since I’ve last bothered to blog about William “Bill” Schmalfeldt. Really, there’s nothing he’s done in those two years that can’t be adequately described as “same cray-cray, different day”.

      I’ve never expected Bill to coherently justify his actions, and he’s certainly proven that when it’s time to man up, Schmafeldt will valiantly run away.

      William “Bill” Schmafeldt would be well served by considering how his life has unfolded over the last several years, and pondering that if perhaps he’s not all that happy with the squalid and malodorous hole he’s sitting in,,, It might just be time to stop digging.

      Too bad William “Bill” Schmafeldt doesn’t have the self-awareness the good Lord gave a gnat.

      • It’s actually a mercy that the good Lord doesn’t inflict on him the self awareness of a gnat.

  2. This really is out of the Deb Frisch playbook. As he gets backed farther and farther into his corner, he makes wilder and wilder accusations, which are intentionally inflammatory. He knows that attacking a woman who’s just trying to stay away from him will set everyone to talking about him and what he’s doing, and that attention thrills him to no end. It doesn’t matter to him in the least where this road will lead – he’s getting attention now, and that’s all that counts, in his sad mind.

  3. There is not a law enforcement official, judge or other person on the planet who is sympathetic to the adjudicated harasser in such a situation. And no one who understands Bill Schmalfeldt’s history would expect Sarah to give her actual home address.

    Whatever else is true, Bill Schmalfeldt has earned Peace Orders (or similar documents) nine times. Different states. Some orders cover multiple victims of harassment. These are people who he contacted AFTER being told that the contact was unwanted. In some cases it involved sexualized and insulting language — delivered by email, phone and other means. Schalfeldt accused multiple people of crimes involving sexual abuse. He contacted law enforcement and social services, though the crimes were imagined.

    In Sarah’s case, it has restarted.

    The only place in which Bill Schmalfeldt is a victim, is in his own mind.

    (Dang. I gotta get a blog. Sorry for the long-ish comment.)

    • Everyone’s a liar, all the judges and lawyers are stupid and don’t know the law, all the employers are lying about being contacted….

      • I almost forgot! It’s all a conspiracy because “PD,” and everyone knows he “can’t” travel, unless he wants to, or he filed suit, or he’s talking about driving through Grady’s neighborhood just after telling the court he was virtually housebound, or if he’s shaking the can for godundme donations to fund a road trip.

        • Proof of a conspiracy: Judge makes googly-eyes to a courtroom counsel. No one else sees it except a self-absorbed narcissistic sociopath.

          • I rank pretty high on the Hare scale for sociopathy and even I’m amazed by the USS BlubberBoy.

          • I’m inclined to think there’s a good chance he’s closer to psychpath than sociopath. His behaviour certainly seems borderline between the two.

            Interesting article:

            The Psychopath Test Questions
            As stated, each item on the psychopath test checklist is really a trait or psychopathic symptom and not a question. The following are the traits listed on the PCL-R:

            Glibness-superficial charm
            Grandiose sense of self-worth (narcissistic psychopath)
            Need for stimulation
            Pathological lying
            Lack of remorse or guilt
            Shallow affect
            Callous-lack of empathy
            Parasitic lifestyle
            Poor behavior controls
            Promiscuous sexual behavior
            Early behavioral problems
            Lack of realistic, long-term goals
            Failure to accept responsibility
            Many marital relationships
            Juvenile delinquency
            Revocation of conditional release
            Criminal versatility

            … each item is scored from zero to two meaning that the highest score possible is a 40. The higher one scores, the more likely the person is a psychopath. Typical scoring groups include:

            Low – 1-20
            Medium – 21-29
            High – 30+
            Thirty points or above on the PCL-R is considered a psychopath. People with no criminal background tend to score around a five and criminals who are not psychopaths tend to score around a 22.

          • IANAD, but –
            Taking the 20 categories listed above, and ranking on the suggested 0-2 scale, and assigning a 0 score to all categories I have neither observed online by Bill Schmalfeldt nor heard evidence of…

            I score him a SOLID 29.

            My own self-assessment, which is worthless as a diagnostic tool thanks to an inescapable lack of objectivity, is a 6.

          • Permission to revise and extend?

            Having forgotten about Hell’s Kitchen Kate and public trysts in Japan, I revise my prior score of Bill Schmalfeldt to


    • If memory serves, didn’t he already promise that Sarah would suffer for her lies, LIES!!! when he first got the restraining order? I seem to recall him claiming a dozen or more lies in it once he got the transcripts and boy was she in trouble now, just you wait and see.

      And then nothing. Of course. You could make a supercut of all his promises of payback.

  4. He’s angry he got a no. And he pretends to know so much that isn’t so.
    And this particular perjurLEVENTY!!!, even if his facts weren’t fantasy, had nothing to do with the disposition of the restraining order: he got proper notice of the proper court, after all. He ought to explain how he prejudiced in the least way by the worst switcherooin the world, had it occurred as he pretends.

    The issuance depended on evidence that he was being, well, himself, and acting intrusively and persistently in ways that the law will restrain. Which it probably will hav to do again if he doesn’t get ahold of his fury and stop pestering people ilke a crazy person.

  5. Blessed be the archivers, for they preserve the DUMBFUCKERY for all eternity.

    Cursed be the DUMBFUCK, for he only knows a few simple tricks and goes back to them over and over again.

  6. For a guy who champions himself as a defender of truth, he sure has played loose with it. I remember not too long ago, he managed to claim a blogger was actually a child rapist even though he knew the blogger wasn’t that person.

    I also remember he was trying to peg Paul Krendler as a woman in Illinois, and forged an email as proof of Paul Krendler’s identity.


  7. DF lies when painted into a corner (or really for any reason) so there is no reason to believe him on this. He has a pattern of lying so long that repeating it here would require typing out a novel size document to only document the lies he told just this year.

    Even if he was correct, again I doubt it, there is a proper place to argue this was at the hearing where the order war granted. Since he did not contest the order the point is moot.

    Finally this is just a continuation of harassment. He see her a an easy victim for his need to harass others for speaking the truth about him. He by his own actions and deed shows a pattern for hating women that stand up to him. There a threat to what little masculinity he tries to pretend he has.

    • I’ve said it before, albeit not recently: compiling a full chronology of everything DF has said and done – every xmfan post, every tweet, every restraining order issued against, every threatening email, every road trip, every “rebranding” – would be an amazing thesis project for someone seeking an advanced degree in Abnormal Psychology.

      • We had a guy. Terrific kid. Duke post-grad. He went stark raving mad on day two. Climbed a clocktower to shoot pedestrians. Forgot to bring a weapon. He in the psych ward wearing diapers and quoting “Undercover Trucker.”

        We hired another guy from China, who spoke only Mandarin. He lasted a week. He jumped off a 30-story building, luckily from the first floor. Broke both ankles, but they weren’t his ankles so he’s fine. He still only speaks mandarin, but now it’s the fruit.

    • Sorry… Have to respectfully disagree with you on a small point.

      Moobmaster McCellulite lies. He lies like he breathes. Without thought, without question, without guilt.

      His foray into stolen valor wasn’t being “painted into a corner,” it was Fatty McBastardson lying like a rug.

  8. I wish William “Stolen Valor” Schmalfeldt would back up his claims with, I don’t know, proof maybe? He keeps jawing about how we all predicted he’d be in jail. Where do you see that? Right, only in your lying mind. Provide proof doll fucker or shut your huge fat gob.

    • Yeah, we often hope that Biwwy goes to jail (although, honestly, I hope for more of an Acts 12:23 scenario), but don’t think there’s much in the way of prediction. Hey, Dumbf5ck (because of course Dumbf5ck is reading this), there’s a REASON we always end with “But Maryland.”

  9. I often wonder why Diseased Willy bothers to blather. Did he really believe that anyone would accept that Walker had a loss because the court denied his request to seal a motion that Kimberlin forgot to submit? Does Blustering Bill really believe that anyone credits that his disease impaired mind grasps what perjury is?

    By the way, what follows is a hypothetical.

    Suppose A, who is in a legal dispute with B, serves the latter with a purported motion filled with scandalous and impertinent material that was previously sealed. A, however, is too scatter brained to file said motion with the court. B, sanely assuming that he would not be served with something not filed with court, naturally requests the court to put that material back under seal. The court naturally rejects the request because that material is not before it. A’s excellent friend C, whose reading comprehension is DISABLED and protected under the ADA, notices this rejection and trumpets to the world that B has suffered a terrible legal defeat. The world laughs hysterically at A for forgetting to file his own motion. Question: if A explodes a bomb that kills C, 12 bystanders, and 73,872 roaches is this response justified per se by the emotional pain and suffering deemed to have been suffered by A at being exposed as legally incompetent?

    • No. The answer is clearly and obviously “No.”

      The response would not be justified per se.

      The response WOULD be justified pro se.

      There. I fixed it for you. You’re most welcome.

      • Oh man! You know, my little brother says I have a awful ‘bedside manner.’ Upon reading my response I’m starting to think he may be on to something-

        JeffM, my tweak was a minor one. And other than that, you had a really nice analogy going. Primo work, there, buddy-

    • Oh, and it’s not suspicious to refuse to contact one’s harasser just because he demands it.

    • The form says an alternate address is acceptable if you’re concerned for your safety. There was no lie.

      Bill, you’re going to go to the police to complain that the woman a court decided you were stalking didn’t let you have her proper street address. That ranks up there with filing a complaint that you didn’t get the weed you paid for.

      • Speaking of which, what are the odds that Cabin Boy has complained to local police about being ripped off for some meth deal?

      • I submit its actually worse – way worse.

        Since he has a restoring order, he is already under the eye of the justice system. He’s been clearly told to start away under penalty of law, and he not just refused to do that but actually is falsely accusing her of a crime.

        If there were any justice in the world, that should have him in the slammer. I mean we’ve got breaching an order, wasting police time, perjury and I’m sure a good lawyer could come up with more than that. And that’s assuming the DA doesn’t decide to get nasty and dig around for more, cos we all know there’s a lot to be found.

    • So, Bill, since lying on an official form is a crime, let’s talk about your IFP status…

  10. Just a thought. Wouldn’t it be incredibly hard to sort out the true statements from his ginormous pile of lies? What do you suppose the actual ratio of factual statement to lies is? 80-20 [nice Pareto distribution]? More? Less?

    • With the exception of stumbling into court and totally fucking himself over, the Myrtle Beach Horror has been very consistent with his lies. 100%. The cure is all that’s left.

  11. Think of the literal insanity required for Cabin Boy to think that “lied about county to get restraining order” is a convincing argument.

    Was Cabin Boy convinced that he was actually guilty of stalking / harassing the person at the ‘fake’ address but not the real one so he did not bother to oppose? Would he have opposed the restraining order if he had gotten the other address? Of course not.

    He’s a psychopath. So he has to invent reasons why his victims are ‘bad’ and deserve to be the victim of his criminal conduct. In the insane fantasy world he lives in, hiding her address from him is a grave offense because he is entitled to stalk/harass her and her family.

      • And then he said it was “in HER interest, not mine” that she capitulate to his ham-fisted attempt at extortion. Which makes one wonder, exactly what allegedly violated right is NOT in his interest to be remedied? Makes one suspicious that one or both of those statements was knowingly false…

    • I think he might be trying to conjur some convoluted defense for lying about his addresses to the court.

  12. bill needs to review teh FRCP–by my quick once over he has violated rule 26(d)(1) several times.

  13. Bill said it’s NOYB (none of your business) when it was asked what approved proof of residency paperwork he provided to the SC DMV on form MV-94. Is it because he likely didn’t have a domicile and couldn’t LEGALLY fulfill SC requirements of residency between May 15th and May 19th?

    Did Bill provide a fake address on that form, like maybe one of Di’s family member or her old address? Just questions not statement of facts because I don’t have access to Bill’s M-94 filled out form. It’s legal to wonder in light of Bill’s concern about true addresses.

  14. Breitbit News‏ @breitbitnews 4h4 hours ago
    Replying to @breitbitnews @wjjhoge and
    If she lived in Reidsville then and can prove it, no problem. But I suspect the reason she won’t say is that she lived in GUILFORD County.

    And I suspect the reasons she won’t say are myriad. I don’t speak for her but let’s see if we can’t spitball a few reasons she won’t give you her address or answer your questions.

    1. It’s none of your business when she moved. Maybe if you had bothered to actually show up to court instead of hiding like the pussy you are you could have done something about it if you thought she was being dishonest.
    2. Victims of harassment and stalking are allowed to give an alternate address. Maybe she did. Maybe she didn’t. Her stalker (that’s YOU fat boy) aren’t allowed to know.
    3. You are a FAT FUCKING STALKER
    4. You have no authority to compel anyone to answer any of your questions at this particular moment in time. I doubt you will have that authority in the future once your IFP is shredded and the defendants MTD are considered.
    5. You are a FAT FUCKING STALKER (bears repeating)
    6. We only have the word of a serial liar and admitted adulterer to go on here. In case you were wondering, that’s you fat boy.
    7. When people, who did have the right to know your address, asked you for yours, you refused, yet here you are blaming YOUR victim for not wanting to give you her address. I fully see where the theory that those dick dents are the result of brain removal surgery comes from.
    8. You are a FAT FUCKING STALKER.

    So endeth the list.

    • Why would it matter at all – this makes no sense, unless Bill is planning some harassing behavior, and that’s on him and no one else.

      • It doesn’t matter at all. The court believed that Biwwy’s behaviour was beyond the pale, no matter where she lived, and therefore granted the ROs. Because the accused stalker/harasser gets to see the RO, the victim gets to use a fake address if he/she wants to.

        Given those facts plus the fact that the RO is no longer in affect, any attempts to relitigate it by Biwwy will be laughed at by the NC legal system. Note that in his phone call to the clerk when he asked if he should contact law enforcement the clerk grudgingly answered that he might try a lawyer. Because he had his chance, at the original RO hearing, and blew it by not even being man enough to show up. His demands right now, his claim that it is his constitutional right to know where she lived on a specific date in the past are just a continuation, nay, an escalation of the behaviour which garnered him the first NC ROs. We can only assume that he’d really, really like more for his collection.

    • Assume Biwwy is telling the truth. (Stop laughing. I know, I can’t imagine a square circle either.)

      Can anyone explain to me just what the hell lying about the county of residence would possibly accomplish in a court case about a restraining order? What, exactly, could Sarah have gained that she would not have gotten from any other court in the area?

      Biwwy is basically accusing Sarah of committing a crime FOR NO F5CKING REASON. Who the hell does that?

      Other than (provably) Biwwy.

    • Maybe she put a different address down because she was being STALKED & HARASSED.
      No matter how much Fat Bastardson attempts (badly) to muddy the waters, the fact of the matter is a court found his behavior Justified issuing a restraining order against him.
      Just like multiple other courts have.

  15. Breitbit News @breitbitnews

    Lady Di and I got rejected as tenants for a very nice residence today. I asked why. “All the negative info about you on Google,” was reply,

    You owe me a new keyboard……..

    10 years of bad behavior, suing people left and right, gee, a landlord wants someone who harasses a baby, twice, no three times. Harassed a dead baby, and her grieving family.

    • You could have taken your time, Bill, and found a place in SC before you gave notice/were asked to quit your place in Iowa. Iowa is nice in the summer and she could have gone there, and there was room for a bathtub full of cats. Instead you pulled up stakes before you even had a place sorted.
      You possibly had very bad references from your landlords, or didn’t think you could get good ones. Good references count for a lot. If you break leases, have a disability, or make enemies all over the place….well that’s really you and you went out of your way, have been going out of your way, for at least a decade, to make enemies. Your Facebook bawling, your Kos diary…your weird Parkinson’s blogs, your attacks of others, your disgusting habits and weird podcasts…that’s all on google and nobody put it there but you.

      • As a landlord, I never would rent to someone who brags about how many harassing suits they have filed.

    • To borrow from R.S. McCain, the only reason needed to reject Bill Schmalfeldt is to read Bill Schmalfeldt.

    • What’s hilarious is that he hasn’t figured out why that’s not admissible evidence for his frivolous suit.

    • Is there a problem with that?

      Well, yes. Just the usual one in that is a COMPLETE LIE.

      Blob will never live in peace and quiet because he does not want to. What he wants is to beat the people he’s decided are his enemies. The problem is, he’s far to dumb to get past that thought.

      • Never seen a lie by them. Have seen a lot of truthful recitation of facts about Schmalfeldt. Which is an uncommon enough name that landlords should have little difficulty identifying the one William that is the close friends of child port aficionados and at leadt one violent domestic terrorist.

    • What about McCain? Stranahan? Popehat?

      There are a lot of people writing about blob, he can’t just pick a few he thinks will be easier targets.

      • And so many of the writings that would have the highest Google ranking are (1) plainly protected opinion and (2) long past the statute of limitations in every state he was a resident of when each was written. Like the one Ken White wrote at Popehat.

  16. Also that full-throated support of a criminal who set bombs all over Speedway Indiana that only by the grace of God did not kill and/or injure many more people than the two who suffered severe, life ruining injuries, and the additional number that were hurt by debris and broken glass…and allot punish the world for getting in the way of his romance with a little girl.

  17. I wouldn’t rent to you. You are probably going to have to rely on friends to help you get a place. ….oh. Well, maybe family can help….oh. May you could find a nice tincasa, rent to own.

    Dumbfuck doesn’t seem to know that South Carolina is the Trailer Park state?

    There’s plenty of trailers to buy from. There’s a $20,900 trailer up for sale at 215 Yauhannah Lake Dr, Georgetown, SC 29440

    • $21k? Might as well be Trump Tower for a pauper.

      Sad thing is, if he hadn’t squandered it, Gail’s life insurance could have put a dent in that.

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