Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


Johnny is taking a long weekend, so we’re presenting this episode which originally ran about a year ago. It still seems to have a certain resonance—Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Landline phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Mr. Atsign.

JOHNNY: Yes?

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) I have some more information for you. Meet me at the usual place and time.

SOUND: (Called Party’s POV) Line hung up. Dial tone.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Helpful Hint Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @DeepVote Aren’t you being overly dramatic?

JOHNNY: At 12:15 am, precisely, the next morning, I drove into the designated parking garage, parked on the second level, and took the stairs up to the fourth level. I began walking to the far end.

SOUND: Footsteps with echo.

JOHNNY: As usual, the voice came from behind me.

DEEP VOTE: Good morning, Mr. Atsign.

SOUND: Footsteps stop.

JOHNNY: I turned around, and he was standing in the shadows like always.

DEEP VOTE: I’m pleased that you’re on time again.

JOHNNY: OK. What do you have for me?

DEEP VOTE: Advice.

JOHNNY: Just more advice?

DEEP VOTE: Yes. My testimony would be worthless, but I can suggest intriguing angles for your research. Do you remember what I told you a couple of times?

JOHNNY: “Follow the money.”

DEEP VOTE: Yes. But what does one do when there is no money? Or only a piddling amount?

JOHNNY: Depends. I usually don’t waste time on a dry hole. I’ll move on to something profitable.

DEEP VOTE: So you never attempt revenge?

JOHNNY: Not usually. Other people’s karma seems to get the best of them in the end.

DEEP VOTE: A sensible approach. Tell me, do all the subjects of your investigation behave so wisely?

JOHNNY: (Chuckles) No, probably not.

DEEP VOTE: Just so, and does a desire for revenge often cloud someone’s thinking and cause unforced errors.

JOHNNY: Yeah.

DEEP VOTE: Look for unforced errors. Goodbye, Mr. Atsign. I’m sure we’ll speak again.

ANNOUNCER: It’s a warm summer evening, I’ll sitting on the porch with a cold one in my hand. I’ll keep my drink cold and my hand warm with a Team Lickspittle Thermos Can Cooler. It’s not one of those flimsy foam can wraps. It’s a solid double-wall aluminum vacuum insulated cooler made by Thermos®. It’s just one of the nifty goodies available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard-earned cash to help support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or by doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

JOHNNY: It was well past 1 am by the time I got back to my place. I figured that I could sleep in just a bit. I set the alarm for 7:45.

SOUND: Alarm beeping, followed by NPR’s Morning Edition through a small speaker.

JOHNNY: (Groggy) Ugh.

SOUND: Clock radio pounded. Morning Edition quits abruptly.

JOHNNY: I stumbled through my morning routine and, after several cups of coffee, made it into my office. I began to puzzle though the advice I had been given earlier.

Enforced errors? As I ran through the histories of the various cases involving The Bomber, there were plenty of mistakes that he had made, and many of them were careless. But which were unforced?

A unforced error would be one that resulted from an action that The Bomber didn’t have to take, so the sort of errors I was looking for would be things that were unnecessary actions that caused more trouble than they were worth. I suppose you could argue that his whole campaign of lawfare was one big unforced error, but Deep Vote was pointing me to some one act or group of acts that … then I realized …

JOHNNY TWEETS: @DeepVote Boom.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? Say what? Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

64 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Someone’s projecting.
    HIC!

  2. No, it didn’t. Surprise!

    • Ah yes, the mini-Feldtdown as Bill convinces himself he still has a case.

      Weather forecast for Willyville: HEAVY RAIN. Forget an umbrella Sport, get a helmet. It’s gonna pour. On YOU.

    • Nope, nope, nope … that’s not what SC MV-94 demands to become a resident of South Carolina. A Maryland court or Hoge sending you something to a motel room isn’t proof of residency. It requires more on that [redacted]. Mail sent to a motel room is to a transient person not a resident.

      • He’s even changed rooms if pictures don’t lie. There was a queen bed with a walk hung headboard, last pic was a double with a painted headboard.

    • As usual he left out “kick bill A$$ in court”.
      Failure to state a claim on which relief can be granted? Court already dealt with that! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOOLOLOLLLOLOLOLOLOLOLLOOloololjsdfjio

      • well Of Course he left THAT action out.
        It’s not like he’s ever kicked ass in court himself, only had his own hefty ass kicked, several times, and soon to be again.

        Get out now while you still can Shakey McFakerson, before the (redacted) make it impossible for you to walk away unscathed.

    • He’s talking about Hoge, right? Trying to claim that the papers Hoge sent him in the course of his suit “establishes contact”, right?

      Oh. My.

      The Rule 11 sanctions are gonna be EPIC.

    • He is an idiot. The magistrate’s review does not mean defendants can’t file 12b6 motions. And mailing process to a state does not create personal jurisdiction. Sheesh, he’s a moron.

      • It’s really a pity he doesn’t remember what happened when [REDACTED – MUST NOT EDUCATE THE MONKEY 🐒 – ONLY MAKE HIM DANCE]

  3. You should be afraid of the fact that twice in the past few weeks your opponents had to point out “fatal errors” (your words) in your case that you had no clue about. And they also point out that those aren’t the only fatal errors. Now, who do you believe? The people who pointed out the errors you subsequently corrected, or the people who say there are more errors you haven’t yet caught?

  4. You can always tell when the questions get too tough for Bill, he starts throwing out pathetic insults.

    My kids insult better than that Willy! Come on!

  5. 8 FAILSUITS (well, 7 and 1 pending FAILSUIT) explained in one tweet:

  6. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 07.03.17 : The Other McCain

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