Legal LULZ Du Jour

Wanna bet?

This is what the U. S. District Court for the District of South Carolina Information on Representing Yourself in a Civil Action says about subpoenas on page 16—


Notice to Other Parties Before Service. If the subpoena commands the production of documents, electronically stored information, or tangible things or the inspection of premises before trial, then before it is served on the person to whom it is directed, a notice and a copy of the subpoena must be served on each party.

—Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 45(a)(4)

So The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt won’t get any subpoenas issued until after the Court has granted a motion allowing them (a motion that would likely be opposed), and if he gets any subpoenas, he can’t serve them until he has served a copy on each defendant.

Nothing is likely to proceed as the Cabin Boy™ has hallucinated.

63 thoughts on “Legal LULZ Du Jour

  1. I’m certain the Midnight or Holiday Court Clerk will expedite this paperwork. Seriously.

  2. Wow…..just….wow.

    Every time I think to myself. “Self, there is no way Schmalballz can fuck up any more than he already has,” he starts doing shit like this again.

    Then again, DUMBFUCK’S gotta Dumbfuck. It seems to be all he has to live for anymore.

    • Hey, didn’t DUMBFUCK file a DMCA takedown notice (that was rejected, of course) saying under penalty of perjury that the picture above is of him holding a glass of scotch?

      I sure hope the lying prick didn’t drink it, because aren’t people with real actual not-fake Parkinson’s disease not supposed to drink alcohol?

      I don’t know about you all, but I NEVER pour a glass of scotch unless I intend to drink it. My wife prefers vodka but the same rule applies.

      It’s not for wasting.

  3. Cabin Boy will just forge subpoenas like his “good friend”, the violent domestic terrorist.

    And once again he is quoting nonsense that isn’t correct statements of law.

    Cabin Boy is providing proof that his lawsuit is only another of his harassment tactics. So that screen capture goes into the exhibit list.

  4. What I love is he quotes the explanation of how, for example, saying you don’t think he has Parkinson’s is privileged opinion, but he can’t seem to apply that paragraph to this situation. Or, rather, he just doesn’t want to apply it.

    • This is why a Rule 11 motion has teeth, we know an attorney has told him that these claims are frivolous before.

      • That is a biggie. Plus the forum shopping to litigate recycled claims barred by collateral estoppel.

    • First: Dragging me to court is horrible because I could slip on the ice and DIEEEEEEE.
      Then: That’s OK, I’ll just move to Wisconsin. because there’s no worry about ice, there.

      First: I had to dismiss one law suit as my doctor told me the stress from it could KILL MEEEEEEE!!!!.
      Then: I’ve filed several lawsuits since then and have stubbornly refused to die.

      First: I told a court I was unable to travel from Wisconsin to Maryland for a hearing because my alert button doesn’t work outside the apartment campus.
      Then: Since then, I have traveled to Chicago, moved to Iowa, and moved again to South Carolina, all unaccompanied.
      Next: It’s an ADA violation for the court to make me travel to appear at a hearing in person.

      First: I can’t drive anymore.
      Then: Except I bought a car and drove 1,000s of miles.
      Next: I can’t drive anymore, again.

      First: I told a court I was unable to travel from Wisconsin to Maryland because the trip of that distance in such a short time would be too taxing on this frail body.
      Then: I planned a 14,000 mile road trip over just 35 days requiring me to video tape in two different cities on the same day and sometimes cover almost 600 miles in a single day.
      Next: I told a court I was unable to travel from South Carolina to Maryland because the trip of that distance in such a short time would be too taxing on this frail body. Pay no attention to the aforementioned really recent trip from Iowa to South Carolina.

      First:I broadcast radio shows on a regular basis.
      Then:I’m too disabled to talk on the phone.
      Next:I still broadcasting radio shows (even though the only people listening hate my guts).

      First:I need ’round the clock personal care.
      Then:But not anymore since I started doing light housework (I guess I could have started that before Saint Gail took up residence in the Clockwork Urn, but why bother when I can so easily take advantage of her.)
      Next:I can’t even sit for a few minutes without needing to lie down.

      All the facts needed (and this sample is a far from an exhaustive list) to support an opinion that Bill does not suffer from Parkinson’s (because Parkinson’s NEVER gets better, even though Bill routinely does, at least until it’s advantageous for him to get worse again) have been disclosed, and were disclosed by Bill himself. We only know this stuff because the Fail Wail told us.

      • BOOM! 👊🏼

        Nice! And, yes… FAR from an exhaustive list. And, yes… because the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt said so HIMSELF – all of it.

      • “All that is necessary to discredit Bill Schmalfeldt is to quote Bill Schmalfeldt.” – A very wise guy

      • I hope he does as well with this “great advice” as he did when he burned his one free amendment to his complaint to fix the least important fatal error in his LOLsuit.

      • Cabin Boy brags about doing something he can’t do, pretends great victory nonetheless . …

      • This rhetoric about “cowards” who will “pay for your misdeeds” is a predictable habit of Bill’s. Threaten, threaten, threaten — he seems to get off on the idea that he can frighten people by threatening people, even while leaving behind him a long trail of people who can testify about how empty his threats are. His deficit of credibility doesn’t seem apparent to him, however. Zero self-awareness is his major problem, although I don’t know if that’s symptomatic of his degenerative neurological disorder or just a basic flaw in his personality.

        • What degenerative neurological disorder would that be? The one that gets better from doing the laundry?

        • Malignant narcissism is, at its root, based on an existential subconscious fear of self awareness. The malignant narcissist’s amygdala goes into overdrive whenever thoughts or situations threaten self awareness. And as a malignant narcissist, relief from that terror and some semblance of pleasure are only possible when causing pain to others.

        • Bill has a degenerative neurological disorder? Weird — it seems like just a few months ago he was living on his own in a multi-story home, taking care of pets, and driving himself on cross-country trips.

  5. As the only definitive diagnosis of Parkinson’s is through post- mortem examination of brain tissue, and has a not insignificant error rate when based on clinical evaluations, and anyone relying on his statements about Parkinson’s and his own clinical progress will find ample contradictions,and his own videos and podcasts show an atypical presentation of his claimed disease stage, how can he find anyone who declares doubt and remarks on the contradictions to be “wrong”, let alone defaming him?

      • He could donate that brain to science right now, he’s certainly not using any of it.

    • I really really hope he attempts to use the Parkinson’s comments as a focal point in his case. Access to his [REDACTED, DONT EDUCATE THE TA@L].

      OMG it’s great to have Bill ‘Twitter Attorne at Law’ Schmalfeldt as an adversary. Dance Monkey Dance lol lol haha

  6. I always just gave him the benefit of any doubt…he had an atypical treatment, after all…but he lies about what he can do and can’t. I see him on videos he published himself speaking and moving without ant sign of disease, in his facial characteristics, arm movements, or voice…there are possible alternative causes including obesity and a serious disabling knee injury to make him slow and unsteady. I think an ordinary person might wonder if he exagerates his problems for secondary gai or to avoid situations he doesn’t like. After all, he said he could drive, but he bought a car and drove thousands of miles after swearing to a Maryland judge that he could not.

  7. I view with concern John’s educating the monkey. And NOT the first time I’ve thought so-

    Still- I acknowledge John has played the monkey correctly to-date. And I therefore defer to his judgement.

    • Well its not like the monkey is hard to play. Any careful player will beat him handily in any given fight.

      Especially given lost 25% of his lawsuit solely by his own ineptitude already, without a single word from his opponents.

    • When you’re torts are outside the [redacted] and not [redacted], John could if he so desired educate Bill in the fine points of the law. I agree nobody should educate Bill about the fine points of the law and people should be careful about doing that … but I think helping Bill about Rule 45 helps the defendants. It’s better Bill tip his hand early and show the judge a full Bill Schmalfeldt.

    • “I view with concern John’s educating the monkey…”

      I don’t see it that way at all, w.

      The only thing our Gentle Host did was:

      (1) Post subpoena information readily available for ANYone to peruse via a document entitled, “Information on Representing Yourself in a Civil Action” courtesy of the U. S. District Court for the District of South Carolina;

      (2) Post the Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 45(a)(4)… again, readily available for ANYone to read; and,

      (3) Provide the Lickspittles yet another opportunity to engage in PLM of the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt courtesy of The Blob being a mentally-incompetent, clueless, douchebag blowhard.

      • In the first case, Hoge likely didn’t tell him anything the court clerk would not have when he tried to obtain the subpoenas.

        In the second, the suit would have to survive MTD, and then survive opposition by the parties and/or WordPress (etc). And let’s face it, by then Billy would have long forgotten about rule 45.

    • This is not educating–bill should know this–one of the things that brett kimberlin pitched a fit about in the RICO law suit was not being able to just ask for blank subpoenas.

      That rule is standard for every court as far as I know.

    • So long as no one educates the monkey about Ancient Lights, John is in the clear.

      Having the manatee aware of that particular weak spot in the pleading could be a problem.

      • Kyle could travel six weeks (months?) into the future and return with the final decision indicating Bill has lost and why, and still Bill wouldn’t be able to fix his LoLsuit. Even if he overcomes his sheer laziness and ineptitude, he has to contend with the fatal flaw you find in every single one of his suits.

  8. Cousin Bill’s next move, of course, is an improper ex parte letter to the judge, the contents of which will boil down to:

    Give me blank subpoenas, Mommy Judge! Waaaah!

    I have foreseen this.

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