LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact News

The Magistrate Judge reviewing the Cabin Boy’s™ Amended Complaint in LOLsuit VIII has recommended that it be partially dismissed and partially allowed to proceed.

I expect that my motion to dismiss will be forthcoming.

UPDATE—The summonses for the four defendants have been issued, and there is an order directing the U. S. Marshals to serve them.

77 thoughts on “LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact News

  1. Oooo, does this mean his IFP info will be released? And will be compared to the previous ones? And did he inform the court about prior litigation on these same issues? And will the judge in Maryland be informed that BS is too infirm to litigate in Maryland, but not Illinois and SC?

    • It would be hysterical if not only all of the previous seven lulzsuit filings are included in a MTD, but Oliver Wendell Jones’ IFP “negotiations” with David Edgren, which a DUMBFUCK helpfully published on his blog and made public record.

      • Aboslutely! And it will be fascinating to learn how his IFP numbers have changed. Plus the disposing of assets, etc.

        • I sure hope Jesus gave him a receipt for his car. And then there’s scooty-puff v.1.0, and whatever else he liquidated before getting himself exiled from Iowa.

          • Oddly enough the scrap value of a ford explorer is about $450

      • That was good, but you can’t top his “negotiations” I mean, “cunning trap” he laid for Ay-ay-ron trying to “settle” the Wisconson case.

  2. Now Drunkenstein is going to have to sue two judges under the ADA, particularly if one of the defendants answers and counterclaims.

    This is going to be the lulziest suit of all.

  3. Well its disappointing that the whole thing wasn’t tossed.

    But what’s funny is that he’ll portray this as a victory, even though he had no opponent and still only partially succeeded. 😀

    • Will the dumb slut with the litany publicly posted gay Asgaard rimjob anemie be joining? That’ll be pretty hilarious, too. Watching her try to craft an argument might make this a Very Special Lulzsuit!

      • You forgot to mention that the anime porn was in an account that also had photos of young children. Apparently, in a SC flop house, that is considered to be totally “American.”

          • Also, I’m looking forward to her misspelling her own name multiple times in her filings. Y’know, just to prove that she’s writing her own motions. .


    I DON’T THINK Bill could’ve had any documents allowed for South Carolina’s MV-94 form in mid-May. I doubt he has an allowable proof of residency document even now. That’s my opinion.

    Courts kind of assume non-residents wouldn’t litigate lawsuits in their circuit if they’re not residents They don’t run id checks or do background checks. They just assume a Plaintiff wouldn’t ever misrepresent their residency.

    Does his motel know he used their address to perhaps fraudulently establish SC residency using it?. If that’s the address on his identification card? I don’t know what address he used.

    I have serious doubts and this is my opinion after reading the SC DMV website that Bill Schmalfeldt is a resident of South Carolina.

    (.pdf link below)

    • “Does his motel know he used their address to perhaps fraudulently establish SC residency using it?. If that’s the address on his identification card? I don’t know what address he used.”


      Could the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt have used Xer’s sister’s address to claim faux SC residency? *hmm*

      If so, does Xer’s sister (the very sister who believes The Blob to be a bad influence on Xer as The Blob freely admitted on one of his podcasts when The Blob was asking Xer to show Xer’s “boobs” *shudder*)…

      … even know that he *may* have actually done so?

      *hmm again*

      As an aside… are y’all aware of the fact there are these websites out there where anyone can plunk in some information and find all sorts of stuff regarding addresses, previous addresses, relatives, etc.?

      Neato, huh?

  5. Oh, look. Oliver Wendell Jones doesn’t know how to read.

    “A Federal Magistrate Judge in the US District Court for the District of South Carolina, Florence Division, ordered the issuance of summonses to William John Joseph Hoge III of Westminster, Maryland; Patrick G. Grady of Glendale Heights, Illinois; Sarah Palmer of Reidsville, NC; and Eric P. Johnson of Paris, Tennessee, today. ”

    Where does it say that?

  6. How can you sue in North Carolina for acts that a) did not take place in North Carolina, and b) you were not in North Carolina at the time they supposedly occurred?

    I hope Bill read that last page carefully. He may find this conclusion itself coming under fire.

  7. The six words that destroyed him today.

    ” … the tort of South Carolina governs.”

    Remember don’t educate him. Don’t point to case law and don’t cite legal theory and specific litigation requirements in the comment sections. Let him be surprised.

  8. Judging by his twitter feed, it appears that we have entered the preening and cackling phase of the Schmycle, wherein he fantasizes about his version of litigation and counts his chickens before they’re hatched.

    • He wins so little that even getting half a win when he himself was the opposition is something to celebrate.

      Oh, I forgot. He recently got a delay on the hearing that might have sent him to jail, by ignoring the court summons. Wow, two massive wins in just days!

      • Off the top of my head, I believe that the Yokohama Casanova has gotten this far in about five of his lulzsuits before. None got anywhere after that.

        Oliver Wendell Jones asserts that he hasn’t lost on the merits yet, but fails to recognize that he’s lost because he’s a drunken fool and proudly ignorant of almost everything.

        Like your current president (the fourth child one in a row, congratulations on that), he natters on insanely on Twitter and complicates his own life needlessly because obviously doing the same thing over and over again will eventually yield a different result.

        Everybody already knows how this is going to play out, except Rosa Parkinsons.

        That’s what makes it fun. .

    • Remember that time? That Eric and I were going to default? That one? Good times! Good times!

      • He thinks that this is just another opportunity for you to default. He doesn’t realize that FU can span many cases.

  9. Pingback: Heading into the Holiday Weekend – Sonoran Conservative

    • How is it not true, Bill? You live in a hotel. You spend hours pouring over sites of people you *hate* and *envy*, cackling over your plans to take their homes and wives(!), all because they noticed what a pissant you are, what a nasty piece of work you are, that you have no ideals, no goals, no skills, nothing but hatred.

      • Are there no apartments to rent in South Carolina? Or can DUMBF*CK not pony up the deposit?

    • You forgot four children and a stepson who don’t talk to him. And two wives who decided that they liked other men better.

      • He said that he has six kids.
        “I have six children — some of which love me, others of whom are ambivalent at best, others who hate my guts. I have two grandchildren, one I haven’t seen since he was a baby, one I’ve never seen.”

        • If you were one of the grown Schmaleldt offspring, wouldn’t you be thankful that he had no hand in raising you?

          He lived with TJ, and he’s almost agoraphobic now!

        • Just goes to show. His life is such an incredible mess, what else can he do but pretend otherwise? He’s got time to launch futile lawsuits that aren’t even improving towards competency, but he’s never even seen his own grandchild?

          He’s right – it’s very sad.

      • “You forgot four children and a stepson who don’t talk to him. And two wives who decided that they liked other men better.”

        What do you mean “other”?

  10. Let him enjoy his victories on twitter etc. It is not worth bothering about. Big hoo haw. He has been allowed to proceed IFP. That will probably be challenged. And then come the MTD’s and the allegations of forum shopping.

    The really interesting thing will be if someone waives jurisdiction and counter-sues. The difficulty there is what remedies to ask for. It has been a LONG time since I looked at election of remedies. But what I do know is that Willie as a defendant is even more incompetent than as a plaintiff.

    • Criminal charges for violating restraining orders would be an idea too. Extradition should be an appropriate experience for him.

    • One of the named defendants has a very good counter claim but why waive jurisdiction when they also have a very good case for change of venue.

      • As a practical matter, if Witless tries to sue me again, I”ll probably not waive jurisdiction because that is the quickest way to get his case dismissed. He has repeatedly proved that he is too dim to grasp the relatively simple rules about which court to sue in.

        However, others have been sued repeatedly while Witless shops for a friendly forum. So getting one suit dismissed may not be efficient for his frequent targets. What John has demonstrated is that the whole lawfare shtick collapses under counter-suit. As a plaintiff, Witless gets all the absurd deference granted to a plaintiff under American civil procedure (but still cannot get beyond a MTD). As a defendant, Witless does not get that deference; in fact his opponent gets it. And as a defendant in what he himself has designated as his state of residence, skipping town is not a workable tactic.

        Will anyone follow up on that option? Only someone with the time and persistence of John. Witless may not be a pauper, but he does not ever seem to have had “deep pockets.” So someone would need to be seriously pissed about Witless. Fortunately, he seems to have a talent for pissing people off.

  11. Breitbit News‏ @breitbitnews
    There were actually seven words. And that is the standard by which this case will be decided. (Dimwit adversaries, Jesus. Thanks again!)

    Bill, you got me I was typing from memory and I forgot a word. Unlike some people I own up to mistakes. I even apologize if the mistakes are serious. I always correct. Missing one word isn’t a serious or dimwitted mistake on my part, so no apologies and just a correction. In the ruling (III. Discussion) the words was “law” and “governs” and you corrected me believing it was laws and govern. Will you correct? Was that dimwitted?

    I don’t care, I’m just surprised that was what you knicked me for. I thought you would inform us what document you provided as proof of residency for MV-94 requirements. Not going to touch that?

    • “I don’t care, I’m just surprised that was what you knicked me for. I thought you would inform us what document you provided as proof of residency for MV-94 requirements. Not going to touch that?”


      Of course the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt won’t touch it.

      However… *chirp chirp chirp*

      Little birdies everywhere… and, lo-and-behold… these little birdies don’t care for The Blob anymore than all of his abandoned wives, children, and dogs do.

      BTW – (courtesy of some unsolicited chirping)… Xer has a few “difficult” familial relationships in her background xerself.

      Heh. Imagine that.

  12. “Mr. Hoge should read Count IV of the Amended Complaint and then ask himself if it’s wise to allow a commenter to call me a “rapist.””

    Yer still a rapist, Cousin Bill. Sue me, and I’ll prove it.

    Oh, wait, you can’t sue me for saying that, as you admitted it was true by dismissing with prejudice the last time you attempted to sue me for calling you a rapist.

    Rapist. William “Bill” M. Schmalfeldt, Sr.

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