Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


There is a show cause hearing for Bill Schmalfeldt in the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit before Judge Hecker at 8:45 this morning. I am informed that the Cabin Boy™ has announced on his Internet radio program that he has spoken via telephone with the judge’s clerk and informed her that he will not appear.

If that is true, I believe that Schmalfeldt has made a very unwise decision.

121 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

    • Yes you lazy tub of lard, you CAN appear, you chose not to. Wasn’t it not even a month ago you were begging for funds to traverse the continental United States? You are a liar and a blight on everyone that actually depends on the ADA. A little weasel like you should be ashamed. But you won’t be. Because you are a little coward as usual.

        • Since this hearing is really The Court v/s The Fail Wail, would Hoge have the opportunity to present this as evidence of “Will Not” rather than “Can Not”?

        • Just did the math:

          14,000 miles in 35 days is 400 per day on average and 48 . The trip from Austin to El Paso (Leg 4) is 577 miles. The trip from Santa Fe to Denver to Cheyenne (Leg 7) is 500 miles and includes walking around video taping in 2 different cities all on the same day.

          But traveling a shorter distance and splitting it up over 3 days is an “ADA violating CANNOT”.

          Bill Schmalfeldt, proving that practice does not make perfect. For someone who does it so much, you are a really terrible liar.

        • Yet he posts in his GoFundMe page that he has Parkinson’s. Interesting how his level of “disability” changes to suit his circumstances.

    • The “semantic difference” here is that “will not” is subsumed by “can not.” Put differently, “can not” is merely a reason (a lie, I believe) for “will not.”

      There could be many possible actual reasons, but I’m gonna go with “he’s a mewling little baby.” He probably cried on the phone.

      • He needs to go up in the world to make “mewling little baby”.

        Babies have a sense of fear when they sense danger. He’s so uncomprehending of what’s going on he has no idea he should be concerned.

    • If Maryland courts are like my local courts the only “can not” they will accept is counting daisy roots from the underside or hospitalized with the doctor sending a notarized opinion.

  1. I’m not surprised Cabin Boy™ is taking this foolish option. He is basically calling the judge on being forced to attend. He’s most likely decided that he is not going to comply with any finding of fault regarding this case at all. Not wise,in my opinion, but then this is the Cabin Boy™ we are talking about. I don’t think anyone would confuse him with having wisdom if they read these exploits.

    I have more to say, but I’m afraid it would educate the monkey. So I’m just going to end my comment here.

    • The Judge holds the hearing, Bill said he can not attend, because he is unable. He plays with semantics as if that is some kind of defense.

      The Judge can either decided that Bill is unable to defend himself because he can’t or that he won’t. Which means he defaults. Included in the order was incarceration.

      Bill says the Judge will violate his ADA rights if he is forced to attend. What happens to those rights if the Judge decided he has to go straight to jail, do not pass, do not collect $200?

      Bill did not think this through at all very well. But, that is his GOD GIVEN RIGHT AS A DISABLED MAN!!

      • If you disregard Otto Corrupt doing the typing –

        Essentially, the Judge could decide that Bill was guilty of breaking the rules because he was “unable” to attend and issue punishment which includes incarceration.

        Not very smart thinking.

        • Unless inflataskank and the landlord are making demands you can’t meet, in which case, the offer of government sponsored room and board is attractive.

          • He’ll have plenty of time to think about his case for the upcoming trial.

  2. Its just like at the doctors office, just call and cancel because you don’t want to go. I don’t think anyone won this pool, please try again. If it was any other state I’d say it won’t fly, but being Maryland.

    • Ding Ding Ding
      We have a winner!
      No More Calls!

      Bill is not going to jail; this is Maryland.
      Heckler will not default him today; this is Maryland.
      This will go to trial; this is Maryland.
      Heckler will most likely default Bill if he fails to attend the trial. Hell even MD can only go so far.
      Regrettably, I fear that Heckler will deliver a judgement for $1; THIS IS MARYLAND.

  3. He’s going to be there. This is a sham. He didn’t call the court, he’s hoping Hoge won’t show and he’ll win by default.

    • Though isn’t this hearing basically Biwwy vs. the Court, not Biwwy vs. John? In which case, I don’t think the court would ignore Biwwy’s contempt and rule in his favor on every bit of the case.

      • He’s kind of simple that way.

        Hoge has played him. Amazingly he’s done little more that applying a little pressure and watching McStupid box himself into a sharp corner – 100% of his own making.

        • I’m still going with “He’ll show.”

          My bet is that he is already in MD, has been for a day or two. This is his feeble attempt to be Shot Caller Bill.

          The alternative? Dumb as a stump.

          He’s been chafing at the fact that, in his mind, Mr Hoge played him like a fiddle that one time and this is the closest he will even get to doing the same. It’s not but that’s our Bill.

          • I’ve learned the hard way that you just can’t go wrong betting on blob doing something dumber than the dumbest of the options normal people see.

    • You would think with Tetyana AWOL, Brett would’ve given his biggest fan a [redacted] trout dinner the night before court.

  4. Is it possible that he is just saying he can’t fit through the doorway? Because I find that really plausible.

  5. What time is the hearing?

    There are flights from Myrtle Beach early in the AM that arrive at 9:30ish. Rent a car and he could be there just after. If he plans on attending that could be done, if his real plan is to try and fool WJJH into not showing. However this matter is between Bill and the Judge, so even that plan wouldn’t work.

  6. bill lies, so until I hear that he did not appear so much hot air.

    I wonder if he has given a thought about what effect not appearing for this contempt hearing would have on his federal case.

  7. I was writing a comment obtusely related to the abilities of Inspector Gadget and Alexander Graham Bell, but I’ve decided it would be better to keep some things in my vest, if I ever wear one. The next 8 to 12 hours could be very interesting.

  8. Hey PK, any truth to the rumor (I’m making up right now) that you will be in the courtroom to support Mr Hoge later today? This could have been the Cabin Boys day to catch his White Whale!!

  9. And Biwwy Dumbf5ck does EXACTLY WHAT EVERYONE SAID HE WOULD DO. *ahem* Sorry. Got carried away.

    Hey Dumbf5ck, how does it feel to know that everyone of Hoge’s readers knows you better than you know you?

    How does it feel to know that you’re sooper sekrit reaction here was predicted by literally everyone of us *BEFORE YOU WERE EVEN GIVEN THE SHOW CAUSE ORDER*?

    Are we all psychic, or are you just that f5cking dumb? You decide.

  10. What are the odds he’s lying in the hopes our gracious host won’t show up? At the risk of educating the monkey, making our host’s case easier gives him MORE incentive to be there, not less.

    I know he’s still butt-hurt from the last hearing he CHOSE not to attend because he ASSUMED our host wouldn’t show up. For the record, when someone says they’ll skip the hearing so long as you comply with your settlement, and then you breach the settlement, that means they will NOT skip the hearing.

    • He was quiet for a very long time yesterday. If he is planning to show, then good for him, he’s chosen the bad option over the horrible option. For once.

    • “For the record, when someone says they’ll skip the hearing so long as you comply with your settlement, and then you breach the settlement, that means they will NOT skip the hearing.”

      A point often lost on certain people, well worth repeating.

  11. Do you all remember the O.J. Simpson low speed bronco chase?

    I think there’s a good chance we will soon see a low speed scooter puff chase.

  12. “We choose to not go to Carroll County Court! … We choose to not go to Carroll County Court in this decade and not do the other things, not because they are hard, but because they are sensible; because that goal will serve to organize and measure the worst of our sloth and incompetence, because that challenge is one that we are unwilling to accept, one we are willing to postpone, and one we intend to totally fuck ourselves over with.”

  13. I wonder how the concept of civil vs. criminal contempt works in Maryland. In several jurisdictions, it can lead to one being a guest of the state for upwards of two years.

    Developments over the last few months (Schmaleldt refusing to turn over a copy of his driver’s licence in discovery and then making a big show of getting rid of it on the Internet, holding a Internet bleg to travel the lower 48 while telling the Court that he’s too pathetic to travel, and now refusing to appear *and* publicly threatening to sue the Court) seem quite a bit more serious than ordinary contempt of court. Taken together, that course of conduct may be seen as perpetrating a fraud on the Court.

    Of course, there actually is a way that Oliver Wendell Jones could have pulled this off. All he had to do was see a doctor and get medical certification that he was too sick to travel. and presented that to the Court. And no, seven year old disability benefit grants from his former employer don’t count. Drunkenstein could have had his Maryland medical records sent to a South Carolina physician (and isn’t it shocking how he hasn’t mentioned one of those even once?) and submitted himself up to a follow-up examination. Easy peasy.

    I have a very hard time imagining Hecker refusing Schmaleldt had he done those things because Schmaleldt might have actually had a case. But nope! The Yokohama Casanova couldn’t do the bare minimum to keep from further destroying his own life, yet again.

    There are only four possible reasons that Wild Bill didn’t do that;

    1) He’s extraordinarily lazy.
    2) He’s impossibly dumb.
    3) He’s lying.
    4) All of the above.

    Instead, here’s what he did. He telegraphed on Twitter that he was going to go with the ADA ploy over a month ago. Then he did nothing at all for several weeks before sending a ex parte letter to the court that he dishonestly calls a motion a little more than a week before the hearing. 13 hours before the hearing, he make a giant public spectacle to stamping his stupid feet and essentially declaring “YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!”, which the Court very much can.

    Because he’s fantastically and proudly ignorant, Justice Jones sees his individual idiotic actions in isolation, when the rest of humanity doesn’t. I’d be very surprised indeed if the Court does in two hours. Nor would it be an enormous shock if John Hoge presents thorough documentation of Drunk Uncle Bill’s antics. It’s entirely possible that the judge refers the entire matter to the state’s attorney for prosecution.

    By 9 am, things are going to be wildly entertaining. A bench warrant is almost certainly going to be issued for Schmaleldt. Schmaleldt will respond by hilariously trying to sue the state of Maryland from South Carolina, presumably attempting to get lulzsuit welfare again. It’s virtually impossible to imagine the South Carolina courts approving such a fantasy, and even if it did, there’s no way that would happen before the bench warrant is executed.

    Pretending to be a soused Martin Luther King isn’t going to end the way he thinks it will, which is going to be hysterical to watch.

    In closing, I should point out that we were all wrong about one thing. Lulzsuit IX isn’t going to be filed against any of us. DUMBFUCK has found a new Moby Dick – a sitting judge and an entire state!

    • On the other hand, what more can be expected from a guy who wants the world to believe that doing the dishes is a cure for erectile dysfunction?

    • I think the judge will be unimpressed.

      But what he does, I woudn’t presume to predict. Too many of these things have gone down the “let’s make sure everyone understands and come back next time” route.

    • Lulzsuit IX isn’t going to be filed against any of us. DUMBFUCK has found a new Moby Dick – a sitting judge and an entire state!

      And it was just this level of ratcheting up the crazy that finally got the courts and law enforcement to take Deb Frisch seriously. So I really hope he is stupid enough to do it….

  14. It really is too bad Bill isn’t going to be there. Sarah, Paul and I had a little surprise we were going to give him just before his hearing started. The bailiffs would have “asked” us to leave afterwards, but the photos would have been PRICELESS!

  15. Late to the party, but the way I see it, one of two things is going to happen. Either Schmalballz will attend and thinks that he is tricking Our Gracious Host into not attending the hearing in revenge for the settlement agreement violation hearing he skipped before, or he will fail to show drawing some serious wrath from Judge Hecker.

    Schmalballz said on his podcast he won’t attend, but I am not laying odds either way. Considering he went silent on Twitter for quite awhile yesterday.

    His choices are bad day, or terrible, no good, horrible, very bad day. Either way, I think Dumbfuck is fucked. Your mileage may vary, of course.

    • you forgot the choice where the Court just says “oh well, no biggie, forget we ever bothered you. Because, Maryland.”

  16. Oh, lookee! More stupid.

    http://archive.is/Y73js

    As I alluded to above, the problem is that a DUMBFUCK never established to the Court that he indeed suffers from Parkinson’s and most of his actions over the course of this case indicates that he might not.

    Here’s what’s happened since Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al was filed a little more than fifteen months ago. “I can’t drive! Now I can! Now I can’t again!” I can’t work! Hey, everybody! I got a radio job in Iowa! I lost that job, not because I’m so sick as to be useless, but because I refused to listen to my boss! I can’t travel, except to Chicago three times, Iowa and South Carolina at least twice! I bought a cripple cart (it’s red. Vroom, VROOM!) I sold my cripple cart because everything’s awesome and I’m fucking like a viking! I can’t walk or even sit! My girlfriend is raising money to buy me a new one, despite her threatening to joining my eighth lulzsuit as a pauper! I’m going to be at the contempt hearing and humiliate Hoge! No, I’m not because CIVIL RIGHTS! ”

    To the best of my knowledge, Schmaleldt hasn’t submitted a detailed medical report of his condition to anyone since “retiring” several years ago. That’s fine if you’re being a ballbag on the Internet, but probably not if you decide that you’re going to start a war with the judiciary.

    “I no longer drive. It is my choice. Despite exercise and taking more of an active role in my own care after my wife died, the disease has progressed to the point where it has erased the advances I made in my physical condition. I can walk short distances, slowly. I lose balance easily. I cannot sit for extended times without laying down. The fact that a very few morons who follow the lead of WJJ Hoge III does not alter the fact that I live in pain 24 hours a day.”

    I don’t particularly give a shit if the Diminished Capacity Kid has Parkinson’s or not, although I hope it hurts if he does because he’s a scumbag and deserves it.

    But it’s laughable that he thinks “take my word for it” is going to fly in both skipping out on a contempt hearing, and hysterical (in both senses of the word) if he tries basing a lulzsuit against a judge and an entire fucking state on it, especially given his record in crafting lulzsuits.

  17. “I did not tell Judge Hecker’s clerk I “will not” appear. I told her I “can not” appear. There is a semantic difference.”

    I’m certain the judge was suitably impressed by that argument.

    Has the bench warrant been issued?

    • Except a DUMBFUCK said in his own drunken blog post that “I will not be in Westminster tomorrow.”

      The same stupid son of a bitch who declares that he can’t sit for three minutes without taking a nap is also saying that he’s standing up and fighting.

      In my medical opinion, South Carolina aggravates Parkinson’s. Schmaleldt was just fine when he got there about six weeks ago, and now he’s Stephen Hawking.

    • I’m on record as saying there won’t be one issued.

      At most, the judge sanctions him for court costs for wasting the court’s time this morning. Even then, it will never be paid.

      Most likely, the court will say “Stop, or I shall say ‘Stop’ again”.

      • Begging the question, if the Court doesn’t have respect for itself, who else should have any respect for it?

  18. John will go, Bill Schmalfeldt will not. No meaningful sanctions will be issued. Yet again, the punishment will be the process. Who exactly was punished by this process?

  19. Did he hobble in half-dead yet? Or did he really decide getting drunk and hoping for the best was the way to go?

  20. If Mandy Nagy’s mother was sued due to her disability, why can’t Bill Schmalfeldt’s alleged significant other be sued due to his disability?

  21. I wonder if the court believes no one would be that stupid and skip court without good cause…and that leads to the hoped for leniency. “No one could be that stupid” is a common early reaction to his intransigent refusal to obey rules and respect the court,

    • Prolly not. Drunkenstein was admonished to read the Maryland rules no all that long ago, and he immediately violated them, which is why there’s a hearing in the first place.

      If Oliver Wendell Jones gets away with this, I’m abandoning my moratorium on travelling to the United States and moving to Maryland because the potential for consequence-free fun is literally endless.

      • Again, let’s review why a DUMBFUCK is where he is this morning,

        He was told to read the rules and he deliberately violated them during a show cause hearing. When yet another show cause hearing was ordered, DJ Dipshit very publicly told the Court to go fuck itself because he’s a crippled Caesar Chavez and the judge isn’t the boss of him.

        That’s pretty special and not something that can be overlooked if the Court wants to maintain any authority at all.

        Besides, if he isn’t there to contest a contempt order, it follows that it would be entered as a matter of course,

        • It’s a simple misunderstanding, he thought the judge said “write your own rules”. Could have happened to anyone…

  22. Welp. “Case called for Show Cause. Plaintiff present without counsel. Defendants not present. Court postponed hearing to first day of trial. Court to issue order.”

  23. The Scat in the Hat
    Said to his missing fat sow
    I’m going to sue a judge
    I’ll show you how
    By faking a condition
    He must obey me
    Or he’ll face the wrath
    Of an average manatee
    I’ll take him to court
    The court of my mind
    And in that place
    He will surely be mine
    This bench judge pest
    Has Sorely vexed me
    He will regret
    As he watches me flee

  24. That got messed up.

    NONE of the defendants was present.

    ROFL.

    Hearing postponed until first day of trial?

    ROFLMAO

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