SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
SOUND: Quiet restaurant background with juke box playing oldies. Door from the street opens and closes. Footsteps.
WAITRESS: Hello, Sheriff.
JOHN: Hi. It’s seems kinda quiet tonight. Where is everyone?
WAITRESS: Your usual crew is in the side room. I think they’re expecting you.
SOUND: Footsteps. Jukebox fades to deep background.
PINKY: Hey, Sheriff. Come on over.
SMITH: We saved a spot for you.
JOHN: So I see. Thanks.
SOUND: Chair pulled out.
FRIDAY: This week’s been pretty quiet.
JOHN: The lull before the storm.
FRIDAY: Yeah. That show cause hearing is next week.
JOHN: Uh, huh, and The Grouch appears to have spent this week faildoxing rather than preparing for his hearing.
BRAIN: So what does he have to prepare? Didn’t he admit in one of his responses that he made the recording and published it?
JOHN: He did. Maybe he thinks that … What am I saying? Thinks? … Maybe he believes the judge will buy his reading of the rules.
SMITH: What do you think the judge will do?
JOHN: I don’t know. He directed The Grouch to get a copy of the Rules and comply with them, and The Grouch put that recording on the Internet the same afternoon. I have no idea how much slack the judge will give him this time.
PINKY: What about the hearing next month?
JOHN: That’s a bit different. It’s …
SOUND: Cell phone rings.
JOHN: Hmmm. I better take this. … Hello, Johnny, where are you? … Still down there? …
SOUND: Restaurant background out.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, we’re having one of those pleasant summer evenings when it’s nice to sit on the porch and sip a cold drink while listening to crickets and watching the lightning bugs. I’ve been sipping mine from a Murum Aries Attigit travel mug. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
SOUND: Restaurant background back up.
JOHN: … OK. Thanks for the heads up. … I’ll see you when you get back. Bye.
WAITRESS: So are you guys staying for dinner?
JOHN: I am.
FRIDAY: Me too.
SMITH: And me for a change. Bruce is taking the boys camping.
PINKY: And me.
BRAIN: All of us.
WAITRESS: OK, let me get the Sheriff’s drink order.
JOHN: My usual cup of coffee.
WAITRESS: I’ll be right back. Does anyone need a menu?
FRIDAY: Not me, but what are the specials?
WAITRESS: We’ve got broiled flounder and curried pork chops. I’ve had the pork chops. They’re good. Let me get the Sheriff’s coffee. Does anyone need a refill?
PINKY: I’d like another Coke.
JOHN: Joe, Liz, I’ve got something hot for you to take a look at on Monday, but it’s not so urgent that we need to do anything about it over the weekend. Meanwhile, those curried pork chops sound interesting.
SOUND: Restaurant background out.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.