Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

When the Cabin Boy™ went forum shopping for LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact, he did a mind-bogglingly poor job of selecting the venue. We defendants in his multiple LOLsuits have been trying to get the courts to treat him as a vexatious litigant and to require that his cases be prescreened by a Magistrate Judge before summonses are issued. He’s filed LOLsuit VIII in the U.S. District Court for the District of South Carolina, a court that requires all pro se plaintiff’s cases be prescreened. So by his inept selection of a forum, The Dreadful Pro-Se Schmalfeldt has effectively granted one of the forms of relief we defendants have been seeking for the past three years.

He’s not off to a very good start with LOLsuit VIII, and I suspect it will downhill all the way for him, which brings up these two comments—

Heh, and everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Oh, one more thing …. it’s T-minus 1 day and counting in the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit.

95 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

  1. I cannot believe everything I have missed in the month+ real life has interfered with my time and ability to keep abreast of the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt’s shenanigans.

    Then again, after spending the majority of the day attempting to play catch-up… tis quite clear that the more things change, the more The Blob stays the same.

    Just wow.

  2. “Running on Empty” could be cabin boy’s theme song, I mean if he hasn’t adopted “Hanky the Christmas poo” yet.

  3. Yeah, he really picked a stupid place for his shenanigans. That court is going to bounce his ass out, with a big bill for service and costs.

    • Chances are it doesn’t get far enough for costs to be assessed. Not this time,

      The assertions of Drunkenstein and Bride of Drunkenstein aside, he hasn’t learned a goddamned thing from his seven previous exercises in comic litigation, and Lulzsuit VIII is an unmitigated disaster of both logic and law, made so much worse by the amendment, which kills it outright.

      It won’t survive the pre-clearance because it can’t survive the pre-clearance. Therefore, the Florence Five Four likely won’t get a chance to advise the Court of Lulcow Billy’s drunken adventures in American justice.

      He’ll be saved by his own monstrous stupidity, and the best part is that he’ll bitch endlessly about it.

      • He’ll never win a lawsuit because his enemies haven’t broken any laws or torts. Also, he doesn’t realize he is also a limited purpose public figure with a much higher bar in his fanciful dreams of defamation butthurt.

        Bill Preston Schmalfeldt chose to insert himself into a public controversy about public figure, bomber and subject of a book, Brett Kimberlin. He should be regretting the day he ever heard of Brett Kimberlin but not Bill Schmalfeldt.

      • It won’t survive the pre-clearance because it can’t survive the pre-clearance.

        I will have you know good Sir, that Drunky the Fat Stupid Man has declared that despite the court telling him he still had hurdles to clear the lawsuit is fully approved and the Marshells are fanning out across these great United States to ferret out those tricksy defendants. All is proceeding as Laardvark has proclaimed.

        • And the Laardvark didn’t do the *one* thing that would have told him that WJJH was telling the truth. Because Schmaleldt am truth, not Hoge!

  4. Oh well, better buy another Explorer and decamp to another state. There must be at leat 40 left by now.

    • Maryland, high cost of living and Leftist.
      Wisconsin, lower cost of living and not so Leftist.
      Iowa, lower cost of living and not so Leftist.
      South Carolina, lower cost of living and definitely not Leftist.
      See a pattern?

      Next up, Oklahoma and Texas?

      • His best bet is too tie a dozen logs together with twine and sail to some European Union country. Those courts might actually be favorable for him.

        Bill, diversity/jurisdiction is a sure thing there. Go make your boat!

        • Lol.

          1) you really think that’s enough logs?
          2) have you ever made a raft? You think a man who can’t even spell his own name or read a simple court document can go through the logical steps and tasks to pull that off? (The first knot that comes apart will be Hooooooge’s fault of course.)

          • Ssh! Not until he’s 200m from shore!

          • Fat floats, but consider the density of his head.

          • “Fat floats, but consider the density of his head.” Doesn’t that mean he’ll just be floating head down? Works for me.

      • “Next up, Oklahoma and Texas?”

        I know the Fear Pee Cub Scout Luvin’ Fat Freak wouldn’t make it far down here in Texas, and Oklahoma doesn’t like his kind either.

        He would have better chance in The People’s Republic of Kalifornia or Washington than down here in the South where his kind of crap is frowned upon and people own guns to rid themselves of feral pigs and varmints.

      • “Next up, Oklahoma and Texas.”

        Doubtful. First, he’d have to find his way to the Weird People’s Republic of Austin. Nowhere else in the state would take him. And then he’d be driving distance from me and Stranahan. Hilarity ensues.

        He wouldn’t go to Oklahoma. Too many places to hide a body back in the nation’s.

  5. With all this self-inflicted butt-hurt, he’d be the perfect spokesman for Preparation H. They could name the 55 gallon drum size after him but they’d probably spell his name wrong too.

  6. New Pool up in the Break room.
    What will Bill’s excuse be when 2 weeks go by and non of the defendants receive the summonses he promised were being sent?

    $1 an entry.

    • The defendants all lied about their identity to the marshals, or they lied about their addresses to bill/the court.

    • He’ll say he never wrote that, and we clearly misunderstood the meaning of his text.

      A broken clock is right two times a day more than Schmaleldt

    • All of you have it wrong. The Blob will say the defendants are cowards, should nut up, should volunteer their addresses and waive their rights to everything else. Then it can win and have ALL THE THINGS!

      • He did try the “waive service” thing before, didn’t He?

        I’ll give him a wave. Like Vir Cotto to Morden.

      • He is filing IPF, only service by Federal Marshals allowed, the request to waive service is not an option for IFP plaintiff.

        FRCP (c)(3)
        28 U.S.C. §1915

        • But, if service occurs, then a challenge to IFP is successful (say, hypothetically speaking because plaintiff lied about assets and dumped assets a day before filing, not that anyone would be that dumb) doesn’t that make the plaintiff responsible for the costs incurred?

          Sure, he can collect later. Say, after the motion survives a MTD.

          Asking for a friend.

          • At least one of the defendants has a good case for a dismissal under FRCP41, then for sanctions under FRCP11 one which should be a permanent injunction. This suite has no merits and was in my opinion filed in bad faith.

          • In YOUR opinion? Like you have exclusive rights to the obvious?!?


    • Maybe a Schmalchart would help him understand the workflow.

      Or maybe he’s already using one, hence his ‘understanding’ of the process.

    • So, the court requires he send in copies of the marshals’ service form so that the file can be forwarded to the magistrate judge “to determine if service of process should be authorized”, a statement made on Friday, and this means that the summons have already been sent out and the marshals are swiftly wending their way to MD, TN, NC, and IL?

    • No, BS. It’s not. Read the last page. There is a paragraph setting out two – count ’em, two – scenarios. The first is if you don’t bother to get your suit into the proper format within 21 days.

      The second scenario is this:

      If, however, Plaintiff provides this court with the items specified above, the Clerk of Court should forward the file to the assigned Magistrate Judge to determine if service of process should be authorized.

      In other words, you blithering idiot, you uncomprehending dolt, you dancing fool, if you managed go actually get off your duff and give the Clerk the items specified above, then – and only then – the Magistrate Judge will determine if service of process should be authorized.

      You have less reading comprehension than the child in a stroller.

      Laptop, home.

      • I hate to contradict you, but William “Stolen Valor” Schmalfeldt has declared that the US Marshals are, at this very moment, serving summonses on the hapless defendants. If he says it is so, then it must be. William “King Peeonkids” wouldn’t lie now would he?


    Now, William, that’s not right either. For example: Fired garbage man, as his own attorney, awarded nearly $200,000 in federal court

    A federal jury awarded nearly $200,000 in back wages to a former Lexington sanitation worker who said he was fired after he reported age and race discrimination in 2012.

    The jury awarded Willie R. Meads, 60, $197,600 in damages after a three-day trial in April. Meads represented himself and didn’t hire a lawyer. …

    Without an attorney, Meads has prevailed at nearly every stage of the case. U.S. District Judge Danny Reeves dismissed the age and race discrimination case in 2015. Meads appealed that decision to the U.S. Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals. A three-judge panel overturned Reeves’ decision and sent the case back to the lower court for trial.

    See, William? Justice doesn’t cost $$$. Justice requires that you have a case and that you have a working brain to make the case.

    The fatal flaw in your D.S.C. suit, as it has been in its seven ill-fated predecessors, is “Now comes William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr., plaintiff…”

    • but I thought it was already approved? Didn’t Shakey claim it was all approved??

      am i supposed to think he’s LYING?!?!

      this is my shocked face.
      seriously ô.o

    • Or, optionally, “Now comes William M. Schmaleldt, Sr., planitiff” (or plaihtiff)

      OK, I’m combining typos, but that’s provably* not my fault.

      * probably

  8. He knows (because I highly doubt anything will show up on the docket tomorrow) Hoge is going to unleash more bad news and sounds a little depressed today. He is in his “they’re mean to me and there’s no justice in the world for poor old Bill Schmalfeldt” phase again.

    • nah, he just hasn’t finished today’s fifth of whatever rot gut whiskey he’s been swilling that encouraged him to think filing another suit with the same claims that has already been dismissed multiple times before against the same people was a good idea.

      he wont hit that part of the schmalcycle until the court actually flushes his pile of crap case.

    • If there was justice in the world for Cabin Boy, he’d be serving time in prison for his multiple violations of restraining orders and his stalking – just like his buddy Deb Frisch

      • This^^.

        He should be looking for mercy, not justice. Except our Host showed him mercy before and BS essentially spit on his boots in response. One more bad decision in a lifetime of them by this foolish man. Now it’s too late, the ram has touched the wall. And he has no one to blame for the results except himself.

  9. Here I was defending the great legal prowess of William Schmalfeldt and he’s been LYING again. He said everything was approved. He said the US Marshals were hunting down the defendants to serve them. He said everything was OK. He LIED????

    He’s gone from “Case ALREADY screened and approved” to “I won’t be shocked if the Fed Court kills my lawsuit in it’s crib.”. WHAAAAT? How can they kill it when they APPROVED it?? Please explain this to me Bill. I had you in the pool to win. Yeah, people told me I was crazy but once you repeatedly assured everyone that your lawsuit had passed the hurdle of being reviewed and approved I felt assured of victory. Surely a man living in a bedbug ridden flophouse in SC with a blow up John Denver boyfriend wouldn’t have lied about that right? Man, I just I search out the truth, wherever it may be and you just LIED again. I have to tell you, I’m hurt.

    • TOLF, your disappointment is understandable. He was the man on the spot with the email connection to the clerk so it was eminently reasonable that his report was the one to rely on.

  10. That _was_ a form from the US SC Court.

    Bill hasn’t been playing whack-a-mole with them, yet. Bill only emailed them once, yet.

    The fact that Bill already has, in other cases, hit all the “Don’t” buttons is not their problem. Bill is now warned not to hit the “Don’t” buttons in this court. If he hits the “Don’t” buttons in this court? He has been warned, I expect the response to be “ZFG.”

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