Blogsmoke


SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

SOUND: Quiet restaurant background with juke box playing oldies. Door opens and closes from the street.

PINKY: Howdy, Sheriff.

JOHN: Hi. Is there room for one more?

PINKY: I think so. Brain?

BRAIN: Sure. Pull up a chair.

JOHN: Thanks.

SMITH: How’s the paperwork going on that lawsuit?

JOHN: It’s moving along. There was a bunch due today from all the parties. I dropped mine off at the Courthouse first thing this morning.

SMITH: So what’s next? That show cause hearing around the end of next month?

JOHN: No, there’s something next week. It’s a conference that all the parties or their lawyers must attend.

BRAIN: What if someone doesn’t show?

FRIDAY: A bench warrant?

JOHN: No, not usually. The notice from the court said that if someone didn’t appear that there would be a continuance and sanctions.

FRIDAY: Sanctions? What sort?

JOHN: It can vary. Sometimes it’s monetary to pay for the other party’s lawyer’s time. Sometimes it’s a limit on what evidence the missing party can introduce at trial. Sometimes it’s a default.

WAITRESS: Hi, Sheriff, the usual?

JOHN: Yes, and what are the specials this evening?

WAITRESS: There’s a lamb kebob that looks pretty good and they’ve made a big pot of that spicy chicken stew.

JOHN: Sounds like I’m staying for supper.

WAITRESS: Anyone else?

SMITH: Not me. The boys are at their grandmother’s, so the grownups are having a date night. I’ve got to run.

FRIDAY: I’m staying.

PINKY: Sounds like rest of us are. Right, Brain?

BRAIN: Yeah.

WAITRESS: OK. Let me get the Sheriff’s coffee, and I’ll be back to take your orders.

SOUND: Restaurant background out.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4

ANNOUNCER: Mmmm. Coffee. I like mine strong, and I usually drink it from either a Res Judicata or a Murum Aries Attigit mug. Both are available exclusive at The Hogewash Store. Stop by and spend some money on the mugs and t-shirts and other trinkets you’ll find there. It’s a great way to support Team Lickspittle. Or you can do your Amazon shopping through the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

SOUND: Crossfade back from music to restaurant background.

FRIDAY: She was right. These kebabs are delicious.

JOHN: Mmmmm. Uh, huh.

BRAIN: So what’s happening with the other cases with The Bomber?

JOHN: Let’s see. The only federal case left that involves me is the one with that bogus civil rights count still pending. All the paperwork is in for motions for summary judgment. I’d be willing to bet folding money that the judge grants summary judgment for the remaining defendant. After that happens, I expect that The Bomber will appeal the whole case to the Fourth Circuit. They’ve never taken very long to deny one of his appeals.

The RICO Retread LOLsuit is in the Court of Special Appeals in Annapolis. I expect they will be done with it before the end of summer.

BRAIN: Your suit should be over by then.

JOHN: The trial will be finished. That’s scheduled for late August, but it’s a safe bet that The Bomber will appeal.

FRIDAY: You seem confident that you’ll win.

JOHN: I wouldn’t have filed suit if I didn’t think it was a winning case. Pass the pepper grinder.

SOUND: Background out.

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

7 thoughts on “Blogsmoke

      • Hey, he has to keep his illusion of never having lost on merits alive somehow… “Look how the judge persecutes me for blowing off mandatory meetings and court deadlines! I’m being repressed!”

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