Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


It is my general policy not to comment on the specific merits of the various court papers filed in cases in which I am a party until after the court has ruled on the matters they address. However, I do sometimes try to provide a layman’s perspective of the legal issues involved. Remember, IANAL, so this is layman’s commentary.

As I understand it, the purpose of summary judgment is to allow the court to decide all or part of a case as a matter of law for those portions of the case where there are no facts to be tried.  For example, when The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin sued Aaron Walker, Stacy McCain, Ali Akbar, and me in the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. LOLsuit, we defendants were granted summary judgment on five of the seven counts because given the facts that both sides agreed to, we were entitled to win as a matter of law. So in order for a motion for summary judgment to be successful, the moving party must first show that there are no genuinely disputed material facts that require the court to conduct a trial. Then the moving party must show that he is entitled to judgment in his favor as a matter of law. Thus, if there is even one genuinely disputed material fact, a motion for summary judgment should fail.

The Gentle Reader may wish to keep that in mind while reading this latest filing from the Kimberlins in the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

94 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

  1. Biwwy’s filings are so bad it almost makes Kimberwhine’s seem cogent.

    Almost.

    Maybe that’s their tactic.

  2. It’s to Kimberlin’s usual level of competence. That is to say, incompetent. He really thinks that he can make Hoge be a party in a case in which he wasn’t, by just repeating “privity” over and over.

    Complete fail.

  3. Meanwhile, from the Flophouse of Ineptitude:

    I’m sure you’re all as scared as I am.

    • Everyone, including him, knows that he won’t even get past the very first hurdle.

      With absurd antics like this, He just wants us to laugh at him. Well, we didn’t.

      • I have no idea what you’re going through.

        But as tough as losing your house in an imaginary lawsuit is, I bet it’s tougher losing a lawsuit in real life while constantly claiming imaginary wins.

        • Well, he had imaginary bar fights, imaginary combat ribbons, and imaginary heroic exploits, so there’s that going for him

          • Hey, putting a bandage on a woman’s knee is not an imaginary heroic exploit. It’s real life dude. After all, he did have an unloaded gun in his holster too.

    • Well, some of us would be willing to travel to Maryland at our own expense to testify. At length. Go on. You know you want to. As soon as the inevitable “motion to dismiss” is overcome, and the trial is set. Dontcha wanna know everybody’s real name? Especially Krendler?

      Well?

      • Bet we could get an awesome group rate. Hotel/motel, restaurants, etc. Be more like a vacation for many of us. And the free entertainment!!!! Now that Barnum and Bailey has closed permanently the Schmaleldt Traveling Clown Circus is the place to go to get your floppy-shoe, rubber-nose, pointless slaps with bladders, meaningless noise, and step-on-your-own-dick-with-golf-cleats dollar value. And we’d get that last for FREE!!!!!

    • “Stop calling me a dumbfuck! I’m going to subpoena WordPress to get your names!”

    • Oh, hey!

      I forgot to congratulate you on leveling up to “Grady” status in Pretendyland!

      Nice work!

    • Bill is gonna be so sad when he finds out Paul Krendler was someone he thought was a friend. Too bad their not friend-friends.

  4. Excuse me for a second.

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

    First, Schmaleldt hasn’t gotten as far as discovery in any of his cases, and he never will. His incompetence is magnified by his love of brown liquors. And this one has bigger flaws than the previous seven, made hilariously worse by his amendment.

    Second, he doesn’t seem to understand how discovery works, if our host’s current case against him demonstrates.

    Third, Oliver Wendell Jones seems to think that WordPress and its army of lawyers won’t oppose his retarded subpoenas and win.

    Fourth, even if they don’t, VPNs and throwaway emails are things that exist. If I remember correctly, mine is registered in Italy.

    Fifth, I can’t wait to read “Comes now Plaintiff William S. Schmaleldt”: again. It really never gets old. It should, but it doesn’t.

    It’s so adorable when a lulcow thinks he’s tough. The results are predictable, but always hilarious.

    • So, abusing the discovery process for the improper purpose of trying to pierce the 1st-amendment-protected anonymity of persons who aren’t even named as parties to the suit? That’s a genius thing to admit to in writing…

    • Hey, if we’re on the topic of asking the courts for impossible things, more than one person can play that game.

      But I think our host is more than happy to stick to the real world, since that usually works out ok for anyone with patience and integrity.

    • He is in the Wrong forum to sue. Unlike bill I did some reading to refresh my memory. He did not read the fine print.

      Word Press can not give out what it does not own or have.

    • Here’s the thing, Bill –

      Let’s say that by some divine intervention, you manage to get the names and addresses of the commenters posting to this website.

      There is a better than 80% chance you will run into at least one person who will have access to a law firm teaming with lawyers that have people like you as snacks and will be relentless in ensuring that not only are you declared vexatious, but make you wish you had taken the advice you’ve been offered for years – retire from the internet completely.

      You’ve already run into one and ran away faster than a jackrabbit with his tail on fire. That should have taught you already that the stove is hot and not to be ridiculously stupid in your attempts to just sue others because you think you can silence them.

      You have been forcing nonsensical rantings through your blowhole for years. You predicted victory for each LOLSUIT you’ve filed, only to fail before ever getting to a jury. In your current status as defendant, you’ve predicted the judge will drop the case at any moment, and yet, you’re on the cusp for summary judgment against you. Certainly, you’re going to have to explain to a judge to his face why you think the rules don’t apply to you.

      So, do you want to keep touching that stove? No, I’m not going to give you my name and address for you to add me to your abomination. You’re going to have to work for it and earn it. However, if you manage to figure it out and can serve me, well.. as they say.. weapons free.

    • It does. I hope that Hoge has that one screen shot included in the exhibits at his contempt hearing. It illustrates Cabin Boy’s belief that the rules apply to everyone but him. Not to mention broadcasting his intent for harassing people.

        • I’m sure you bounced off a few curbs and blew out some tires on your way home so you can claim to have driven 200 miles to slash your own tires because KREEEEEEENDLEEEEEEEEEEER!!!!!11!1!!!1!!!

          • Let me just say that it has been at least 10 years since I last got that drunk while more than stumbling distance from a bed.

            Home, hotel/wedding receptions, etc.

            I never get that far gone in a public place

  5. Geez, it’s not like he doesn’t have full info already on some of us.

    I was pleasantly surprised that he figured out it would be best to leave Dianna out of his most recent exercise in futility. Her lawyer must have really put the fear of God into him if he opted to not repeat that particular mistake.

    I can only assume he left me out this time because he knows I know how to hire Dianna’s lawyer.

    • Occam’s razor. The Bald Pussy got drunk and forgot about you.

      Too bad he blew that free amendment, huh?

    • In the unlikely case he ever succeeds in suing me, I will hire Randazza as co-counsel to my lawyers, just for the sound of the fear-pee hitting the inside of his sweatpants.

      It’s a wonder he hasn’t forgotten that he dismissed all claims against me, with prejudice, and tried to sue me, again.

      I’d actually be inclined to ignore that legal advantage, let it get past the technical hurdles, then let my lawyers worry him, like hopped-up slavering pit bulls on a rawhide bull pizzle, in a countersuit.

      None of this “no, you can’t have it” crap to discovery requests from my side. Heh.

      Bring it, Cuz. If you don’t, you’re a urine-soaked coward, according to your own rules!

      • My Business Law Prof had a great story of being asked to deal with one of those guys who makes his living suing companies and asking just below the amount that it would cost to take it to court so everyone just settles. BLP’s client decided to deal with the problem; I believe he said his instructions were to make sure the guy never sued anyone ever again. BLP was actually giggling as he told us about how he managed to get the professional plaintiff into bankruptcy as well as committed several times.

  6. It’s becoming increasingly obvious that American courthouses don’t need metal detectors half as much as they need breathalyzers.

  7. WordPress legal department now stretching lulz muscles.

  8. Oh, the Cabin Boy wants to sue me. My first response: FOADIAF, you useless pile of fail.

    My second response is that suing all of us means we hire Aaron Walker and file as a class against the cabin boy. Billy would fail again, like he does at everything he ever does. He is not even useful as an organ donor, much less anything that requires conscious thought.

    Bill does not anger me as much as fill me with contempt. His only redeeming feature is serving as a lolcow / renewable PLM resource.

  9. BS advertises a podcast, and warns it may be terrible because they’re just starting.
    It is, in fact, terrible.
    People point out the problems, and because he is incapable of accepting any feedback or criticism, he throws a fit.

    Feedback:
    1. If one is going to do a podcast, learn how to work the programs and hardware before launch. Every single time he starts one, there are tech problems, and he always blames the streaming website.
    2. He has been using the same hackneyed sound effects and skits for over five years. That crap, plus old commercials, make up over 70% of each podcast.
    3. Reverb and echoes are not listener-friendly.
    4. If you are launching and trying to build an audience for a podcast about politics, make the bulk of your show about politics. Not #2, above. Not stuff about people that 99.999999999999% of your listeners have never heard if and don’t care about.
    5. Stupid voices = looking like a fool

    All of this feedback will be ignored. BS will blame the hosting site and switch to another one in short order. We will soon be treated to five year old skits about a man prostituting his daughter because that’s how BS “apologizes” when he moves on. Things will not change because losers don’t adapt.

    • TL;DR:

      “FUCK YOU! I AM BILL S. PRESTON-SCHMALFEDT, SR, ESQUIRE, GAMMALAMMADINGDONG! NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! I DO WHAT I WANT, NOT WHAT PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR! GO ASK CHRIS STREETS WHY HE FIRED ME! YOU’LL SEE!”

    • Amazing how someone claiming pauper status can afford hosting, innit?

      Maybe Inflatable Soulmate is paying for it. Maybe Inflatable Soulmate is paying for a lot of things that weren’t accurately reported on a lulcow’s IFP application.

      Oh, I do hope that application is granted. It’ll be fun to watch the South Carolina Five Four challenge it by getting subpoenas for both of their financial records. And all we have is FUN!

  10. Brett obviously isn’t happy that you won’t tell the court that he’s right, John! He made a BRILLIANT argument, and you bollixed it up goooood. This can’t be had! You were supposed to torpedo your whole case and agree. Because, something.

    Right. I forgot. He’s a moron. Sry.

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  13. Broadly, you’re correct. And to some extent Brett is correct (I’m not going to pretend that Mrs. K. had anything to do with this)

    If both parties agree to the facts then one party or the other is entitled to judgement as a matter of law. Simply because some facts are in dispute does not mean that judgement is not appropriate. Those facts may be irrelevant or incidental to the claims.

    That doesn’t apply in this case, because TDPK admits that there are material facts in dispute. Which is a pretty stupid admission to make in a motion for summary judgement.

  14. Mr. Hoge, I admire your courage and endurance for the Team Kimberlin rushing river of B.S.; Kimberlin is not used to having anyone sue him for his shenanigans, due to the expense and time required. I do hope he is enjoying the stomach acid.

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