LOLsuit VIII News


The Federal Rules of Civil Procedure allow a plaintiff to amend his complaint once as a matter of course. Subsequent amendments require either the agreement of the defendant(s) or permission from the court.

The Cabin Boy™ has just blown the one free amendment he’s allowed in LOLsuit VIII: Avoiding Contact—

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

132 thoughts on “LOLsuit VIII News

    • yeah, like the supposed girlfriend, although with that much plastic you’d think he’d invest in a bicycle pump.

  1. OH good.
    he only corrected one of the many suit ending errors in the original.

    well now that he’s blown his free amendment off, we can all PLM while we wait for the judge to 86 it.

    you can fancy it up all you want Dumbf5ck but butthurt still isnt a tort.

    • Wherein Schmaleldt claims that butthurt is a common law tort:

      I CAN’T BREATHE! THE LULZ! MEDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIC!

  2. I like that Oliver Wendell Jones isn’t wasting any calories looking up definitions for harassment and cyberstalking specific to South Carolina, Very strategic!

    • Do my eyes deceive me, or is he actually citing on-line dictionaries as sources for legal definitions?

        • “Dear Judge,

          I am suing based not on any specific statute, but on definitions I found in online dictionaries. I’ll bet you’ve never seen that before!

          Let’s just skip the trivialities of a trial and get to my reward, okay? That will make me happy. You wouldn’t like it when I’m unhappy. Ask Judge Heckler in Maryland. As I write this, I’m preparing to enter his courtroom for a show cause hearing with a loaded gun in my mouth. It’s very stylish.”

  3. I just read the parties to complaint section, and wow that doesn’t at all read like a vexatious litigant spewing hatred across the page. It’s filled with irrelevant information (why point out that Connie Hoge had passed away at all, much less the date? Why mention divorce or separation issues at all?)

    And there is the evergreen issue of Paul Krendler. Since he has publicly and legally proclaimed just about a quarter of the people living of being Krendler, including himself, how does he prove that it’s Patrick Grady? This whole thing is a gambit to get Grady on a stand somewhere under oath to be forced to answer this question.

    • Oh, don’t worry about that.

      I know the answer to the question better than anyone. And well, let’s just play wait-and-see-be-surprised.

      • And in the ultimate act of trolling for all time, Paul Krendler is actually … wait for it… Brett Freaking Kimberlin! Ha! It was the long con, folks, yes, Brett has secretly loathed Cabin Boy for his creepy fanboy obsession with him, so in the ultimate act of trickery, Brett has pulled him close only to slam him with the cold hard reality that they are not actually “friend-friends.” Nah, who am I kidding, but that would be a pretty good one.

        • If I wanted to weaponize a retard to create a distraction from my own wrong-doing, that’s what I’d do.

    • Statistics show a upwards blip in the death rate on, and, just after days such as Christmas. This is not coincidence. There are terminal persons for which the progression of their disease dictates thei the timing of their deaths on the macro level, but, allow individual choice on the micro level. Some people in the last stages of terminal illness will themselves to live for few more days so that they can be there for one last Christmas. After their goal is meet, they can “let go” and pass away. Thus, the surge in deaths on or after Christmas.

      Bill Schmalfeldt might want to point out John Hoge’s passing on Valentine’s Day to twist the knife, but, I see it completely differently. It could very will be that Connie Hoge ,made a valiant effort to hang on to the 14th so that she could celebrate one last Valentine’s Day with her beloved. That is the highest tribute Connie could have made to John.

        • Schmaleldt would know that if he kept records of matters related to his various legal entanglements, but he says that he doesn’t.

          Oh. Wait.

          Someday, somewhere that’s going to leave a mark.

        • John, you know our hearts are with you; I think this proves BSB’s point.

          That and that you can’t help but correct the record.

          I, as an innocent thorn that was used to prick your paw, should know.

          May GOD’s peace be with you.

  4. So the Grand Moron realized he was citing criminal law (after having it pointed out to him and arguing that he was correct and everyone else was wrong for 2 days) and now instead has decided on a bold strategy of citing NO law to base his claims on. That is weapons grade stupidity right there. The Military should look into this.

    • you gotta love how he specifically sites things that happened while he was a resident of 3 states OTHER than the one he is currently (attempting) to sue in.

      and Butt hurt isnt a tort in any of them, including the one he’s currently residing in.

      • Even better, none of the acts cited took place in any of states he was resident in, at the time. And none of the defendants have sufficient contact with any of those sites to incur personal jurisdiction, let alone subject matter.

        It doesn’t even matter that he hasn’t actually cited SC laws. None would apply in any way that would help him.

  5. And I suppose we would all be remiss if we do not extend to Our Gracious Host a deep and respectful word of thanks for so effortlessly manipulating DUMBFUCK into burning his free chance to amend his complaint WITHOUT ACTUALLY AMENDING A SINGLE MOTE OF SUBSTANCE in a way that would actually benefit him.

    “Ah! I see Hoge’s point! I must amend my complaint and make it WORSE THAN BEFORE! No one could possibly foresee it proceeding that way!”

    No, we probably could not have done that. Foresee failure? Absolutely. Foresee failure on a SHORTER timeline? Didn’t see that coming.

    What a punishment – not having as much time as I expected for pointage, laughery and mockification.

    • It seems to me that no matter what anyone said he was going to screw this up. and it’s all a moot point since [redacted] not to mention [redacted].

  6. Nope. Hoge only wrote about one, the most blatant that would have caused the magistrate to stop reading and kick it to the curb without going any further. Hey, but what does he know? He’s just a quantum mechanic. Doesn’t take any brains to send rockets into orbit.

    • The fatal error in Bill Schmalfeldt’s complaint is the fact that it was authored by Bill Schmalfeldt. The rest of the numerous technical errors flow from that more fundamental error.

      • Turns out that Oliver Wendell Jones really didn’t learn anything from the titanic failures that were lulzsuits i-VII.

        He really should read the Wisconsin dismissal order. If a DUMBFUCK neglected to keep a copy, he helpfully provided the case number in his exhibits. All the judge has to do is copy/paste it and sign.

        In all likelihood, that’s also why his welfare lawyer in Chicago fired him as a client, although he may have also worried that whatever that rash on his face is is contagious. Who can say, really?

        There’s a clinical definition for doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Maybe Schmaleldt can find it in an online dictionary.

        • It’s not that he didn’t learn anything.

          It’s that he’s proven, beyond all doubt, over a long period of time, that he’s almost completely incapable of learning.

    • Doesn’t take any brains to send rockets into orbit.

      Precisely why it’s an insult to call Mr. Hoge a Rocket Scientist. But, you knew that since you referred to him by his proper title of Quantum Mechanic.

      Because managing the temperature of something to plus or minus .000(is it 21 o’s?) degrees does take brains; or voodoo, but I’m betting on brains.

    • No, actually the magistrate would probably have let it proceed if the _only_ error was the reference to a criminal statute.

      The Cabin Boy actually fixed the least significant “error” in his sewage complaint.

          • Hypertechnically, unless you are, like me, a ghost in the machine; and you manifest as a hairless cat with a cross (crucifix?), then avatar is the correct term. For example, I actually do appear as a dead viking; but it is only an appearance. I do not possess a corporeal body.

      • I think there’s only about a hundred verses in the Bible that cover this very thing…

        Hoge Hubris may taste like ambrosia, but DUMBFUCK hubris kills entire animal species.

  7. Your old quote about not going into a courtroom and #$%&ing yourself is technically correct: You can’t ever make it to a courtroom. That might change next month in another case. It’s a good thing you documented in new legal filings your ability to travel. Courts like under penalty of perjury documentation more than they do screenshots of blog posts.

  8. “In the event this court deems this matter not suitable for determination or judgment, an order that these charges be referred to the proper state or federal law enforcement ·agencies for criminal prosecution;”

    What is this? Does Bill Schmalfeldt not believe in the merits of his own case? Either he is alleging torts, or he is not. If he is, the legal process should play out in Court. If he in his own mind believes that he is alleging torts, why is he asking the Judge for relief from non-torts?

  9. You’re still in trouble in Maryland, Bill, and have exactly no hand and have made thing all the worse for yourself. Your delight in doing wrong is hard to understand; I’m just glad you can, with patience, be inflicted on yourself.

    • The gibberish he says that he filed last night made his troubles in Maryland considerably worse.

      I don’t want to say how until I know that it’s docketed and it’s even funnier, but he’s basically begging Judge Heckler to jail him.

      Maybe he’s already tired of Soulmate 4.0. I can’t think of another reason he would actually do that to himself.

    • More like this:

      I thought the “Scanners” gif was too gruesome. I hope this is acceptable.

  10. I suggest for giggles that people read the case cited by Willie about why South Carolina is the proper forum for this suit. The case cited was bounced from Georgia to South Carolina because all the plaintiffs and defendants lived in South Carolina and, without dispute, virtually all the actions at issue had taken place in South Carolina. The facts seem to be somewhat different here.

    Furthermore, am I mis-remembering, or did not Willie bring suit last year against Grady in Illinois for many of the alleged torts here complained of? Does anyone recollect what happened to that case (or is my memory failing me)?

    • Bill might’ve drove through Georgia on his way to South Carolina, so it applies to him. Billy Boy legal “stratergist” thinking – he felt butthurt thinking about Hoge on the highway thus a tort.

  11. You know how the original CFL bulbs used to take forever to work up to full brightness?

    I think a switch might have just flipped in South Carolina.

  12. Oh, dear, BS is leaving nasty comments to himself on his latest blog.
    https://archive.is/Dhqpw
    Remember when BS harassed Aaron Walker under the OwainPennlyn1 handle?

  13. Heyyyyyyyy….I just noticed that he didn’t include the inflatable boyfriend as co-plaintiff like he promised. Could it be that an abused blow up doll is more sentient than Schmaleldt and said “I want no parts of your ineptitude”. (OK, ineptitude might be a big work for a blow up doll, but it was something like that I’ll bet.)

  14. Aw, BS is defaming John again, and violating the copyright settlement on his twitter. As for admissions….

    BS admits that he is compulsive and has no interest in sex:
    “I know that I am motivated by a compulsion — and you’ve probably noticed it if you’re a long-time reader.” – Bill Schmalfeldt
    “As for me, I haven’t been LESS interested in sex since pre-puberty.” – Bill Shmalfeldt

    I wonder if he still poops his pants? Or did doing the dishes cure that, too?
    “How do I put this delicately?
    …immediately noticed I was “filling up my diaper.”
    There was no urge. There was no “need to go.” I just stood up, walked to the door, bent over to put a chain around a dog’s neck, opened the door, and…
    Pooped ’em… just a bit before my Parkinson’s addled brain realized the horror that was being perpetrated in my underwear and snapped everything shut.” – Bill Schmalfeldt

    Is he still peeing on the floor?
    “…another thing I am learning as a new single guy, when you miss the toilet, it’s up to you to clean it up. It will not evaporate. It will leave a stain. Clean the damn thing. And the toilet rim.” – Bill Schmalfeldt

    Are his predictions of doom still falling flat? Is he still wishing pain and misery on the man who is whipping his backside but good in court?
    “Twitter and his blog as a platform to threaten some form of retaliation. I’m sure WJJH has the screen cap: “Now, I will report aggressively on Brett Kimberlin’s lawsuit against Hoge and his co-defendants. But I will not be unbiased. I have news that I am sitting on until early next week. It is not good news for Hoge and his co-defendants. (I’ll tell you this much. I won’t say if it’s the state case, the RICO case, or both. Some will save themselves at the expense of others. This is not speculation.)
    And I can’t fucking WAIT until I can write about it without risking the outcome.
    And for every dollar Kimberlin takes from Hoge, for every piece of property Kimberlin takes from Hoge, for every bit of suffering Kimberlin causes Hoge, I will smile. I will laugh. God forgive me, I want the man to suffer. And according to this story I am sitting on, suffer he will.
    Remember where you read it.
    Suffer, he will. It won’t match what he’s done to me. But it will be a small measure of satisfaction to have lived long enough to see Karma bite him on his pockmarked, pimply ass.”

    • I wonder if he physically gnashes what’s left of his teeth when he reads that now.

      Hoge, McCain, Akbar, and Walker all thrashed his Pedobomber hero in that defamation case. They didn’t have to prove he was a pedophile, he had to prove it was defamation to call him a pedophile. In case Blobbert missed it, that’s a crime the Pedobomber -hasn’t- been convicted of. I wonder if he thinks he’s that much better of a law-talking guy than the Pedobomber?

  15. Maybe BS should look at the rules to see where it says a plaintiff has to resend discovery to a guy who failed to provide a new mailing address in a timely fashion. He admits he moved in early January, and he filed a new address with the court on March 29 – Almost three months later. OOPSIE POOPSIE!

  16. Whenever Bill feels the full weight of his stupidity he goes to the I illegally contacted Hoge to help him navigate the red tape at NIH stuff.

    Bill with your online record and relationships with people would anyone believe you have contacts at NIH that would be helpful to someone. I know I wouldn’t want to use your alleged contacts because I would be too scared former NIH employees would throw up more red tape because they saw the name: Bill Schmalfeldt.

    You know why you contacted Hoge that day and it wasn’t in my opinion good intentions. You’re so transparent.

    • If he had such great contacts at the NIH, why didn’t he use them to get his last wife the medical help she needed? Why did he just let her die? Was he already sexting his new honey as his “soulmate” lay dying in her own filth?

      • Bill has admitted he has fooled around on wives before; why should this time be any different.

        The new inflate a mate should watch for new vinyl competition. What he did WITH you, he will do TO you.

  17. Hey! You want to see what BS tweeted the day his wife passed away? You know, since he is so terribly interested in the healthcare decisions made by the Hoges?

    Priorities, people, priorities!

  18. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 05.23.17 : The Other McCain

  19. I swear, it’s like watching a train wreck – you just can’t stop watching, even knowing the gruesome ending of it.

    Except, instead of a train, it’s a clown car. And the clowns that pile out are all rage-filled drunks with little to no self restraint, and no ability to plan for anything beyond what happened in the preceding five minutes.

  20. Is there an actual tort in there, somewhere? Would we need a magnifying glass and tweezers to bring it out?

    Newsflash: Butthurt is not a tort.

    Phone, MUNI.

  21. Pingback: Existential Bliss | BILLY SEZ – The words of W.M. Schmalfeldt, Sr., Serial Litigant, Woman Hater, Jackwagon

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