Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Telephone handset picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) Mr. Atsign, my name is Matti Sorensen. I’m calling from Fortion Energy. We are a power company in Finland.


LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) You have been recommended to me as someone to conduct an Internet investigation in the United States.

JOHNNY: That’s my line of work. Exactly what sort of investigation?

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) We believe that someone in the U.S. is infringing our intellectual property on Twitter.

JOHNNY: Why not simply send a takedown notice?

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) We want to know more before we act.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during the Out of Control Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Quid est veritas?

JOHNNY: The lawyer for the Finnish energy company told me that his firm had a division that built and upgraded facilities for other generating companies and that they were advertising their capabilities on their website. One webpage promoted their expertise in the design of efficient control rooms for nuclear power stations.

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) (Fading up) … so you can see why we would not want our work associated with such a vulgar account.

JOHNNY: Of course. Email me the URL of the account, and I’ll do a background investigation for you.

LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) Thank you, Mr. Atsign. Check your inbox in a few minutes. Heippa.  Oh, that’s Finnish for “goodbye.”

JOHNNY: Goodbye.

SOUND: Telephone receiver hung up.

JOHNNY: He must have had that email queued up ready to send because …

SOUND: Email beep. Mouse clicks.

JOHNNY: … it popped right up. Then I opened it.

SOUND: Coffee spewed.

JOHNNY: I’ll need to add a new monitor and keyboard to this case’s expense account.

ANNOUNCER: Mmmm, coffee! When the recording session for this week’s episode breaks up, I’m heading over to the coffee pot and filing up my Johnny Atsign Travel Mug for the drive home. Johnny Atsign Travel Mugs are exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team.

JOHNNY: It was another rebranded account from The Grouch, and the banner was clearly ripped off from Fortion’s advertising which was copyrighted. This wasn’t going to take long.


LAWYER DMS: @JohnnyAtsign Thank you. Our US counsel will take it from here.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? A coalition of the willful. Join us, won’t you.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

37 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. That Grouch character sure is a moron. Seems like he can’t do ANYTHING original. Well, to be fair he finds original ways to lose EVERY LAWSUIT HE’S FILED. But seriously, ripping off the copyrighted work of a foreign company? I’d hate to see the travel expense to show up in Finnish court.

  2. No one would ever believe a grifter and con artist like The Grouch is real. Good thing this is fiction.

  3. He’s just doing the same things his hero Veep Veep Biden did. Passing foreigners’ work off as his own, and all that other stuff that made its way to Twitchy over the years. You’ve heard of Twitchy, right? They clobbered the diminutive Pedoketeer in court.

  4. Luckily for Cabin Boy, Finns are easy-going, even-tempered people. I mean, look at Linus Torvalds, and the hospitality they met the Soviets with in the 1930s.

    • What, the hospitality where, in winter, they dynamite the passes in front of and behind the Russian column, then snipers shoot anyone who looks like he’s cooking hot food?

      • Yep

        Ever seen the Soviet T-28 tank? The Finns captured seven of them, and have as many in their museums as the Russians do.

        • I did not know that.

          And I’ve seen the armored car the “Danish Resistance” used in Coopenhagen.

          Yes, I know, not only different countries but very very different ethnicities. Just saying. War museum. Been there, saw that. I have pictures, on film even!

    • It doesn’t say people can’t be that dumb, it says very very few people are that dumb.

      The Grouch is a special, special, snowflake indeed.

  5. If I were in his shoes, I’d be asking myself why Hoge did this, and what he had to gain from it. The answer is crystal clear, but BS won’t ask because it will interfere with the stroking of his own ego.

  6. Kimberlin- style bomb (targeting kids) in Manchester tonight. fatalities and injuries resulted. Little girls dead, tweenagers.

    One injured young man, blown through a set of doors, saw nuts, bolts on the ground with the bodies strewn about, and one lower leg.

  7. It is clear Johnny Fatson never heard the term, “transformative use.” @wjjhoge @truth_partner @BreitbartUnmask

    So transformative use is just slapping his ugly mug on a picture? He is always living up to his moniker, The World’s Stupidest Man™

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