ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—
SOUND: Skype rings once. Telephone handset picked up.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) Mr. Atsign, my name is Matti Sorensen. I’m calling from Fortion Energy. We are a power company in Finland.
LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) You have been recommended to me as someone to conduct an Internet investigation in the United States.
JOHNNY: That’s my line of work. Exactly what sort of investigation?
LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) We believe that someone in the U.S. is infringing our intellectual property on Twitter.
JOHNNY: Why not simply send a takedown notice?
LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) We want to know more before we act.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during the Out of Control Matter.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Quid est veritas?
JOHNNY: The lawyer for the Finnish energy company told me that his firm had a division that built and upgraded facilities for other generating companies and that they were advertising their capabilities on their website. One webpage promoted their expertise in the design of efficient control rooms for nuclear power stations.
LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) (Fading up) … so you can see why we would not want our work associated with such a vulgar account.
JOHNNY: Of course. Email me the URL of the account, and I’ll do a background investigation for you.
LAWYER: (Telephone Filter) Thank you, Mr. Atsign. Check your inbox in a few minutes. Heippa. Oh, that’s Finnish for “goodbye.”
SOUND: Telephone receiver hung up.
JOHNNY: He must have had that email queued up ready to send because …
SOUND: Email beep. Mouse clicks.
JOHNNY: … it popped right up. Then I opened it.
SOUND: Coffee spewed.
JOHNNY: I’ll need to add a new monitor and keyboard to this case’s expense account.
ANNOUNCER: Mmmm, coffee! When the recording session for this week’s episode breaks up, I’m heading over to the coffee pot and filing up my Johnny Atsign Travel Mug for the drive home. Johnny Atsign Travel Mugs are exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team.
JOHNNY: It was another rebranded account from The Grouch, and the banner was clearly ripped off from Fortion’s advertising which was copyrighted. This wasn’t going to take long.
LAWYER DMS: @JohnnyAtsign Thank you. Our US counsel will take it from here.
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next week? A coalition of the willful. Join us, won’t you.
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.
Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.