Legal LULZ Du Jour


This is beginning to resemble a beached fish thrashing about on the sand. The Cabin Boy™ has finally done some research on the status of the South Carolina criminal defamation statute, and he’s now got things even more wrong than before. He looked to see how many cases are going forward in the U. S. District Court for the District of South Carolina that allege slander or libel. He found 184 and assumed that they all cite the criminal defamation statue as a basis.It’s clear that he didn’t actually check any of those case. I did. Well, I checked the first two, and neither of them mentions the criminal defamation statute at all, let alone cites it as a basis for a cause of action.

The Cabin Boy™ did discover that the law was amended in 2003, …… but he must not have read the old and new versions of the law and compared them with the Fitts v. Kolb decision by the U. S. District Court. If had done so, he would have seen that the portion of the law that caused the old version to be struck down by the federal court is still in the current version. The law may still be on the books as far as the state is concerned, but the federal court won’t enforce it. In fact, it will act to prevent enforcement. BTW, the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals has favorably cited the Fitts ruling as good law in one of its opinions.

I look forward to watching the Cabin Boy™ explaining the finer points of the First and Fourteenth Amendments to a U. S. District Judge or, maybe, a panel of the Fourth Circuit Court of Appeals.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

65 thoughts on “Legal LULZ Du Jour

  1. I feel under appreciated. Every time we try to tell Bill how wrong he is he just hurl insults and talks about men’s genitalia and scat. If only he would listen.

    World’s Stupidest Man™

    • If he knew how to listen, he wouldn’t have seven failed lawsuits, nine restraining orders, and court orders galore trying to find him. He wouldn’t BE in this predicament.

      There is a time to forge ahead, even in the face of adversity. And then there is a time to stop, look around, and say ‘Maaaaaybe I ought to stop digging this hole I find myself in!’.

      • Oh, no. He totally planned to be on LULZSuit VIII.

        i was going to link his tweet where he says “Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.” but we have another Twitter account down. Alas, poor @PodcastPair. We hardly knew ye.

        I’m sure he saw that coming too.

  2. I think someone may be a dum-dum. I’ll write slowwwwwly:
    The day one files a lawsuit is the cutoff for claims raised in that lawsuit. Otherwise, people could be bringing stuff in up to the day of trial, which would never give the other side a chance to prepare.

    Litigation tips for dummies: One should not tell a judge in Maryland one doesn’t have stuff, then crow that one does on Twitter. Then again, go right ahead. It’s what all the people with low impulse control are doing these days.
    Blogging tip: dead links are sloppy

    Prediction: Hoge wins against BS on summary judgment.

    • I’d like to point out to Mr. Schmaleldt that Aaron beat his ass like a rented donkey in court. That would seem to indicate that they Yale educated attorney is definitively better at law talking that some dumbfuck who is destitute and almost homeless and is tweeting with himself from 3 separate accounts now. How many voices does he hear in the empty skull?

      • I would have said “red-headed stepchild” instead of rented mule, but that’s just me.

        As for voices? Not going there. Suffice it to say, professional help probably wouldn’t help Schmaleldt now.

    • I’ll take some of that action, AR1. I predict this steaming pile doesn’t make it past [redacted].

    • Sounds like Bill. Always has. Besides what woman would be stupid enough to get hitched to a man so broke that he has to live in a dive motel and beg the court for pauper status? Bill would have us believe that “they” bought a $1500 cat instead of renting an apartment and fixing a his car.

        • Oh, yes, sadly these sorts of people really do exist. The Housemates From Hell when I was at UI back in ’86 were too broke to pay their portion of the utilities, but they could spend several hundred on an old VW Bug which didn’t run. Come to think of it, they also had some purebred (but not papered) three-figure-cost Siamese they were trying to breed to sell through pet stores.

      • I am confused about where he’s getting the people for these photos. First, he posed with a guy who looked like John Denver, now, it looks like this is a guy with a goiter. I am confused about what BS is trying to pull.

        • I hear that rent-a-lady bois dont come cheap…
          so he’s probably broke and posing, wearing the halloween clearance wig he had them wear in the previous pics.

          • That would explain the lack of neck and the striking resemblance to the Bobber

        • The goiter was always there, just cropped out in the earlier pics. Not sure how Rauhauser manged to put on so much weight, running from the law…but apparently it’s just figurative running.

          • Someone ought to give Cabin Boy’s address to Federal Marshall’s service. So they can check the tenants for warrants as a courtesy.

  3. As advised by Judge Hecker, he really ought to be getting familiar with the Maryland Rules.

    Da Rules are gonna bite him hard in very unpleasant places.

  4. We now pause for a few hours while Bill reads all the things that he should have read the first time through…….

    • Oh, FFS

      Well, considering the fact Bill doesn’t understand the difference between Federal and State courts and law, this suit won’t last long.

      • Not only is Hoge right, but it’s not like this will ever get far enough in the process for this point to become relevant. Let’s just say what will happen to Biwwy is going to be epic. Cuz for once, we’re not adding “But Maryland” to the end of this crap.

        Not that Maryland isn’t going to apply in that special meeting that Biwwy still doesn’t think he has to go to….

        Oh, the future lulz are going to be non-stop!

      • Actually, Hoge doesn’t have to do a damn thing because cases don’t get tried on Twitter, DUMBF*CK.

    • I will just leave this here:

      Federal Rule of Civil Procedure 41(a)(1)(B):
      Effect. Unless the notice or stipulation states otherwise, the dismissal is without prejudice. But if the plaintiff previously dismissed any federal- or state-court action based on or including the same claim, a notice of dismissal operates as an adjudication on the merits.

  5. Dear Mr. Hoge,

    You are a much better man than I – as I would have let him flail whale himself at least for a few days before smacking him (metaphorically) across the nose with his moronic interpretation of the law. The epic meltdown and even more self incriminating statements would have been worth the wait.

  6. As the chunky monkey blubber slab said himself, what Hoge said was “True.”

    • I do not live close to South Carolina. I have visited South Carolina one time about 15 years ago for two days. I cannot recollect knowing anyone who resides or ever did reside in South Carolina. Despite that grandiose lack of knowledge, I am willing to concede on Willie’s word alone that South Carolina is currently home to civil suits for defamation.

      I am, however, willing to put up a small bet, say $100, that Willie cannot find any current civil suit in South Carolina for defamation that (1) has an attorney licensed in South Carolina representing the plaintiff and (2) is based on a criminal libel statute held unconstitutional 26 years ago. I find his ignorance of the difference between civil and criminal law simultaneously funny and pathetic.

      • I would venture a guess that the Yokohama Casanova is a big fan of Lawrence v. Texas, which invalidated state laws against sodomy. Yet those laws remain on the books, probably including in South Carolina.

        If his theory of law is correct, he should be very worried indeed.

  7. I still think the real problem he will have is that his cause of action is for acts, whether legal or not, occurred when he was clearly not a resident of S.C. He can not claim a violation of S.C, law and ask for enforcement for things that occurred prior to his residency.

  8. Man who admits he has poor impulse control moves to SC, and three weeks later, he’s an expert on SC law.

    • I was thinking more like a suppository, since he keeps telling our gracious host to take his truth and shove it where the sun don’t shine…

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