I’m Not Making This Up, You Know


During the 5 May show cause hearing against the Cabin Boy™, Schmalfeldt was asked for his current address. The address he gave was false. Here is what happened when the court tried to use that address to send him mail—

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

81 thoughts on “I’m Not Making This Up, You Know

  1. They won’t want him in the jail if only because of bedbugs. He might want to bring his checkbook though.

  2. His alternate Lady Boi personality must be so proud of big bad Biwwy tricking the court like that.

  3. Everybody knows that he’s not going to show for his hearing next month, right?

    He’ll put on the poor cripple act as he continues to liquidate assets, and when his plea for mercy is denied, he’ll ignore it.

    It’s going to be pretty great to watch.

      • Oh, I absolutely believe that Kid Dynamite will continue to fight, mostly because he has nothing better to do.

        Schmalfeldt, on the other hand, is fundamentally a coward. How many times has he run already? How many of you have lived in four states in two years while unemployed?

        Besides, he’s seen Rauhauser not only run, but file lulzsuits while on the lamb from active arrest warrants. It’s impossible to believe that the Diminished Capacity Kid won’t try the same thing. Sure, he’ll fail because he’s an idiot, but he doesn’t know that.

        • Kimberlin’s personality disorders dictate that he control everything he beholds, a not uncommon condition among angry dwarves.

          Schmalfeldt is more like a homeless lunatic who passes the time getting into screaming matches with lampposts.

          • The afternoon drink fests seem to help with the frequency of those screaming matches. Quite amusing.

          • But they haven’t changed the way he celebrates his self-declared victories by shitting all over himself, both figuratively and literally.

        • How many of you have lived in four states in two years while unemployed?

          Only four? Are you counting the great States of Denial, Disarray, and Intoxication?

          • As long as he’s not living in the state of undress, that’s all I’m sayin.

          • I often claim that my drivers license is from the State of Confusion.

        • This is especially salient, since whatever that creature in the pictures might be, it appears at least superficially to be Rauhauser in a wig. The awful teeth and razor burn (best case scenario) certainly fit.

          • I’m offended by that. Not your comments, but Bill’s actions.

            After all those years complaining about people posting the Salt Monster from classic Star Trek as an avatar, he poses with it in a red wig.

          • Are you sure it’s razor burn? Because it looks to me like someone is shaving with a belt sander.

          • Sure? Absolutely not. That’s just the most benign explanation. Meth lesions, Karposi’s, etc. are all possible. Who knows what afflictions Rauhauser has picked up while on the lam?

          • Yes, one rather boggles at someone *on* the *lamb*. Though I probably shouldn’t give certain people any ideas they haven’t had already. *Shudder*

            Phone, MUNI.

          • Well, rotting in a shallow grave south of the border wouldn’t be a bad answer, but I have no indications that that is anything more than wishful thinking…

          • I think everybody’s favorite stop on I95 in SC is due for a new billboard: “Pedro say, ‘DUMBFUCK lives this way!'”

          • Or he put on a hilarious red wig and a goiter, and now he’s boinking Schmalfeldt.

        • That’s the problem with being a DUMBF*CK. You’re the last person to realize that you’re a DUMBF*CK.

  4. At this point I don’t think Sir Fer Pee cares whether he has a domicile, assets or a vehicle, as long as he has his Zombie John Denver Blow-up Doll and a laptop to post homoerotic Cub Scout stories, he will be happy as a pig in shit.

  5. Well, he admitted he told the wrong address in a tweet, and then whined that you still figured it out.

    But, you know..

    • Acme Law strikes out again!

      FIFY.

      And many many thanks for your work. If you hadn’t repeatedly posted this picture of a ginormous zit, while complaining about Bill Schmalwrus or somebody, enough to get me to finally click in a WTF moment, I’d never have heard of WJJ Hoge, for which I am grateful, or Bill Schmalfeldt, Brett Coleman Kimberlin aka The Speedway Bomber, or their ilk.

      Still not sure why you kept posting a picture of a giant unpopped zit with a badly photoshopped human face on it, but hey it worked.

      • Oh, and BTW, Bill and Brett: How’s that brass knuckles reputation management working out for you these days? – Babs

  6. Will we be adjusting the betting odds on the first person from Team Kimberlin who, to save their own skin, turns on their fearless midget dwarf leader?

    It seems Bill’s latest predicament may require some recalculations.

  7. Something tells me that Biwwy missed the importance of Mr. Hoge’s post here yet again. Now what could have possibly given me that impression?

    Oh yeah. He’s a dumbf5ck.

    • As I’ve said elsewhere, I truly want to read his Opposition to a Summons to Appear.

      Unfortunately, that will drag the hearing date out and Brett will be able to take his familiy on their exotic vacation, while living in DC on $19500 per year.

    • Okay Mr. Hoge, I give up. Paradigm shift. You’re writing for the Warner Brothers and their sister Dot. I should have known from the constant Pinky and The Brain references. I’m sorry I was so harsh. This is obviously an escapist, slapstick comedy of errors. I should have clued in with the Slovakian Horse manure. It’s finally all apparent; this is but a light-hearted air (filled with fifth grade poop jokes). Okay; I’ll play along. Bring in the clowns.

      • I want to see this in syndication. “Hello, Captive Nurse!”

        As Bill said the last time he received a court summons, “Make it so, number one!”

          • Mr Spock: Captain…. the alien being is attempting to communicate with us, but so far the universal translator is unable to comprehend the gibberish that comprises its mode of language.

            Captain Kirk: On screen.

            -The crew recoils in horror at the pink haired mostrosity on the view screen-

            Captain Kirk: My… God. I thought… the… Salt Vampire… was ugly.

            Pink Haired Alien Mostrosity: FRUUBOOC YURUBOOO, KREDLERBURGERBURPUROoooooooo!!! -hic-

            –glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug glug–

            Captain Kirk: Mr Sulu…. set phasers on “deep fat fry.”

        • “Hellooooo, Captive Nurse!”

          That more than earns the Thinking Man’s Zombie Seal of Approval!

    • Look. I know we’re talking about the world’s stupidest man. But I really don’t think for a second that he genuinely thinks he can disregard a court hearing, because the court didn’t get through to an address he himself admits is wrong.

      But please, please, please prove me wrong!

    • Wait, the Court itself notified him. He doesn’t need to be served. The order came directly from the court and was sent to the address he just swore to as being his current one. He just needs to check his mail….Uh oh.

  8. My fondest wish is the process server has a GoPro running to capture Teh Blab’s expression when he get slapped with these papers.. Said Server should probably wear hip boots to prepare for the river of fear pee Fat Boi will probably release.

    It will be a glorious sight on YouTube.

  9. Pingback: I Struck a Nerve | Dave Alexander & Company with David Edgren and Gus Bailey – The Artisan Craft Blog

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