Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Restaurant background

SOUND: Cellphone rings twice.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, it’s Paul Candler. How’s it going.

JOHNNY: Well enough. Everything and everyone has been located. I finished my final checks this morning, and I’m grabbing a late breakfast at a nearby Waffle House.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Sounds good.

JOHNNY: Yeah. They serve real southern country ham.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) No, I mean it’s good that you’ve got everything located.

JOHNNY: Yeah. It will make the tracking a lot easier.

SOUND: Restaurant background out.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during the Red-Headed Leak Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch Math is hard.

JOHNNY: The Grouch had been moving around over the past couple of years, but he was never able to stay ahead of the process servers. When he made his latest move, he once again failed to provide a change of address to the Clerk of the Court where a lawsuit was going on against him. When he appeared remotely at a hearing, the judge asked him to state his new address, and the address he gave was wrong. Both the street name and street number were false. This deception was first detected when the USPS could not recognize the address given as a valid delivery address.

That prompted [redacted]

[redacted]

ANNOUNCER: When the recording session for this week’s episode breaks up, I’m heading over to the coffee pot and filing up my Johnny Atsign Travel Mug for the drive home. Johnny Atsign Travel Mugs are exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or do your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re all ways you can support the Team.

SOUND: Road noise, car interior POV

JOHNNY: The drive back up I-95 was uneventful. I was just south of the Washington Beltway when …

SOUND: Cellphone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, it’s Aaron.

JOHNNY: Hi, Aaron.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) If you’re not to busy, I have a little job for you.

JOHNNY: I’m not too busy at the moment. What’s up?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) I’m working on an appeal, and I need some files dug out of some Maryland courthouses.

JOHNNY: Which one?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Howard County, Montgomery County, and the Court of Special Appeals.

JOHNNY: You’re in luck. I getting ready to head around the Beltway and out I-270. I can swing by Rockville on the way. What am I looking for?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) (Fading out) There are several Montgomery County cases. The first …

SOUND: Road noise out.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Aaron Jackpot!

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? The paperwork’s a bitch, and she had puppies. Join us, won’t you.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

15 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. I knew it! I knew he didn’t provide the court a Carolina address- What in hell is Bill thinking?

    “Oh I never got that because the dog ate my address.” Yeah, that’ll fly.

    • “First, I have to be served…” How does he think the court is going to read that remark in light of his offering only a bad mailing address ( and then only to avoid sanctions a Day/or a contempt finding.

  2. Oh. And on top of that. Seems he flat out lied to the court when pressed for current address.

    Newsflash: Most hotels have little memo pads which have address on them. OR- If you’re running a computer at the same time, you say “Just a moment, Judge, while I google address for this location.”

  3. I feel like Johnny Atsign is going to jump the shark soon. The character of the Grouch is getting harder and harder to believe. Seriously, I know this is fiction but there has to be some limit on how stupid the character is written and still be believable.

  4. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 05.15.17 : The Other McCain

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