Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Rather than do what the Rules require and wait to see if Judge Hecker granted my petition for a show cause order, the Cabin Boy™ filed an opposition to my petition as if it were a motion. (I filed an opposition to his motion for a show cause order because he filed a motion rather than a petition.)

The copies he attached as Exhibit A were so dark that my scanner’s default setting rendered them as black. Rather than tweak the scanner, I photographed those pages and attached them to the rest of the scanned file.

The Cabin Boy™ was wasting his time. Judge Hecker issued this order Friday—The sharp-eyed Gentle Reader will note that the order is unlike the previous show cause order issued against the Cabin Boy™ in that it does not allow him to appear remotely. It looks like he is being summoned to appear in person.

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

T-minus 2 days and counting.

146 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

  1. Maryland is closer to South Carolina than Iowa is, so that shouldn’t be a problem for a man who was trying to drum up money to drive 14,000 miles in 35 days, no?

    • And he got $25 bucks!

      Also, I believe that this is the first court filing ever in which my silly lulcow didn’t plead Parkinson’s.

      • That would make it the first one not containing at least one perjurious statement, then.

        Except for all the other lies, that is.

      • According to his own opposition filing, the Diminished Capacity Kid is seeing America in all its glory. In just under two years, he’s been through Maryland, Wisconsin, Iowa and South Carolina. And now he’s going to Maryland again!

        He just can’t get anyone else to pay for it.

  2. I’m sure the judge will be impressed w the reference to you late beloved wife & to your colon, in one filing.

    • Well the “his” is “his colon” is an ambiguous pronoun. So ..I mean draw your own conclusions there.

      He seems to be (without saying it directly) trying to hang his hat on the court order claiming permission (while also claiming he didn’t actually do anything wrong.) I suspect that will not fly. That word “explicitly” comes to mind again…

  3. Since when does Team Kimbergarten worry about wasting the time of judges and other court personnel?

  4. Um, yea, that wasn’t the smartest move by our dimwitted moron. All I can say is for Bill to plan ahead as the Beltway is a SOB during the summer months. Maybe he can stay overnight at his best-est of best friends place in Cabin John’s. Guaranteed great times for all. And in case you were wondering Bill, no we’re not laughing with you, just at you.

  5. “Judge Mommy, can I have a cookie?”

    “No, Defendant DUMBFUCK, you know you’re not allowed to have a cookie this close to dinner time.”


    (5 minutes later…)

    “Defendant DUMBFUCK, did you just eat ALL the cookies? And a whole cherry pie? Plus a frozen pizza without even cooking it, and a box of dry cake mix?”

    “Yes, Mommy Judge.”

    “Didn’t I just tell you you couldn’t have a cookie because it was close to dinner time?”

    “Yes, Mommy Judge, but you didn’t say anything about eating ALL the cookies, and a pie, and a frozen pizza, and a box of cake mix plus a whole jar of Nutella and a pickage of footlongs and two jars of mayonnaise that you didn’t even notice. Geez, who put the bug up your ass, anyway?”

    “Boy, go out and cut me a switch to whoop your ass with. And make it a good one, ‘cuz you damn sure don’t want me cuttin’ my own.”

  6. I bet TJ would be happy to host him and his new wife at the tincasa. He’ll probably be thrilled to know that all of his infirmities have healed! Bong hits all around!

  7. Bill is gonna be impressed by the power of “AND” in (b)(2)(E)(i). Every community collage and public school system in SC offers remedial reading classes.

        • Tells the judge he can’t leave home, or drive. Judge lets him Skype.

          3 weeks later buys a car. Moves to a bungalow in Iowa. Doesn’t tell the court his address. Files a brief showing the judge pictures of his car. Judge lets him Skype.

          By the time he Skypes, he’s moved to a flophouse in South Carolina. Files a brief that declines to state his address. Tapes the court session while Skyping, posts it on Youtube.

          So the judge knows he’s lied to the judge about his mobility, and his address, and then abused the privelige of appearing by Skype to break the court rules. And then flaunted that fact on Youtube and Twitter, because, DumbF5ck.

          I’d call that sharpening the cleats and lacing them very tightly, then stomping on his own crank.

      • Nah; PGA have gotten all namby-pamby; only plastic spikes. MLB on the other hand still use seven steel blades.

  8. My, what an interesting admission in 6:

    “…the plaintiff’s harassment has caused the defendant to move from Maryland, to Iowa, to Wisconsin, and now to South Carolina…”

    Nice to get that on the record, isn’t it?

    • Wait. Bill was suing Patrick Grady, David Edgren, Agiledog and myself when he picked up his skirts and fled Maryland. Quite the revisionist, isn’t he?

      • Funny, I seem to recall he wanted to get back in touch with his Catholic “the Lord I serve is Jesus Christ, shitheel” (which is really the BEST kind of Catholicism) heritage when he moved to Wisconsin.

        And escape the brutal, bone-chilling Maryland winters by moving within 200 yards of the shores of Lake Michigan. Don’t forget that.

        • Remember how we were all going to be dragged to courts in various states by Oliver Wendell Jones?

          Good times. Good times.

      • And he went to Wisconsin to start fresh and be with his family, and he went to Iowa to be in the town where he was born because they’re “his people” and they “know him there.”

        • Which explains why he didn’t stay in Iowa long. They know him there.

          As for Wisconsin, that was the first time in his life that Bill went *to* family. My understanding is that he usually went in the other direction.

      • I think he moved to WI because he thought he was going to have his sister be the new captive nurse. Then he tried to catch one on OurTime, with predictably hilarious results. Followed that with his excursion to Iowa to take that radio job, but nepotism just isn’t enough to keep someone that repulsive on the air, so when he finally found a creature desperate enough to pretend to find him attractive [or said creature finally got desperate enough, etc., might be the more accurate formulation] of course he immediately pulled up stakes [more like golf tees in his case] and headed south.

  9. At least he got two things right: 1) “Wondering aloud why in God’s name this court is allowing this travesty, this circus sideshow to continue.” Though the only sideshow are the defendants. 2) “In this defendants opinion, enough of Carroll County’s time and money has been wasted already and there is no useful purpose in allowing this to continue…” I agree, the court should of put a stop to you and Little Bomber Boy ages ago.

    • Hell, if The judge had been a stickler, he would have granted the Plaintiff’s motion for a default judgment last year and his would all have been over with, just like DUMBFUCK says he wants.

      But, Maryland.

        • Yea Maryland, only two more years left in this rotting cesspool of a state. Soon as the kids finish high school, I’m outta here.

          • It’s better to be in a state that not only has laws and rules but enforces them! Texas, anyone? (I’m in Tennessee, which isn’t as bad as Maryland — but that’s a low bar indeed!)

  10. Words leave me. I have no clue WTF was going through Schmallballz’s mind when he thought it was a good idea to submit this.

    Hey Kimby, I think you’re only ever going to be the world’s SECOND stupidest litigant from now on, cuz Biwwy done bust out the bottom of the barrel and dug straight to China.

  11. Generally it is the audio part which makes it’s way into court records (while retaining the sole authority to do so), so the argument that I thought it would be okay to record the part that the court thinks is important enough to keep a record of so long as I don’t keep a copy of the part the court itself feels no need to record is.. something alright.

    • Actually, his attempt to be cute shows that his contemptuous behavior was not an accident nor a misunderstanding. His conduct was intended to violate the rules. He expected to be called out for this and had already created his “excuse”.

      But he did it in the usual incompetent manner of him and the Dread Pedo. Indeed, I think the Pedo put him up to this.

  12. “You see Judge Guy, I was only recording myself testifying under oath, but not in court, so it’s okay. I’m not in contempt, I’m an exhibitionist!”

  13. What? He didn’t use “I am a journalist” defense in his ill properly presented opposition?

    Is that career dead, too (again)?

  14. Another reason to hire a lawyer- venting spleen in a court filing isn’t the best way to convince the judge of calm rationality and cogent argument. Of course, We’re YEARS past that delusion.

  15. Translation: “I shouldn’t be held accountable for all the things I’ve done to this man for almost five years. I should be able to walk away and “rebrand.” I just want to leave the past behind and never think of him, like I do with his son, Lee, Aaron, Aaron’s wife, McCain, etc. I should be allowed to find new targets of harassment in peace.”

  16. From #3 – “The section cited up by the plaintive reads:…”

    Does that make John an incipient plaintive? Only a GS-13 editor knows for sure.

  17. “I will not speculate,…I merely ask the court to assume my speculations absent proof, or even evidence.”

  18. I’ll tell you something about Florence, SC. It damn sure ain’t the beach!

    Florence is the armpit of SC. Bwilly will find it to be conservative, red neck, and not very forgiving of liberal Yankees who seem to prefer trannies over beautiful Carolina girls.

  19. Even though he has to appear in person, my money is still on “because Maryland”.

    Its almost as if the little pedo keeps throwing him under just to see how many times “because Maryland” will save him. It is like a perverted version of getting to the center of a tootsie roll lollipop.

  20. Carolina Iconoclasts‏ @PodcastPair 8h8 hours ago
    First I have to be served. Then I will file an answer. Then the judge will order @wjjhoge beheaded. Wait… I was dreaming again. #vexatious

    Kinda hard to serve a homeless person. Oh….you are adopting the Bunny Boy tactic of hiding from service! What a cunning plan. So a life if hiding under the bridge living in a crappy Explorer with an inflatable doll. You have finally hit Peak Schmalfeldt.

    • “First I have to be served.”


      If Mr. H wanted to mess with the Cabin Boy he’d mail more court motion-thingies to Bill’s last known address. The last one Bill provided to the court.

      Bill, of course, wouldn’t respond and you’d think that wouldn’t be a good thing.

      But Maryland-

    • Look at the dates bill mailed his motion on the 10th the court issued the summons and ordered the hearing on the 12th–means the judge probably told the clerk on the 11th to fill out the paperwork for him to sign on the 12th.

      Judge has most likely not even seen this motion yet.

  21. we don’t call you Dumbfuck without reason.
    but its not an appellation that’s just handed out cavalierly. You gotta earn it! And do you ever.
    This filing simply left me breathless in its simplistic effrontery and bombastic stupidity. I think its possible for the judge to find you in contempt which simply cannot be expunged. But be of good cheer, if you end up in the joint (if? MD, sheesh), you’ll still have your phantasmic new red scooty pud stuck up in your head to help console you (it’s very red, vroom vroom). I’m convinced it’s a by-product of your old electrodes corroding in your skull.

    If they ever let you out, come on down to Florida and we’ll go have a chat Tampa-me. You’ll get a kick out of it. It’s where all the best crazy people go.

  22. I do wonder how effective Schmalfeldt will be in convincing the court that the search for justice is a waste of the court’s time. There are real, justifiable reasons why John Hoge has finally sued Schmalfeldt, Kimberlin and the rest. I suspect the judge will want to consider the facts of that case…as opposed to tossing the whole thing out so Bill can enjoy the beach, his newfound love and retirement.
    This entire mini-drama only serves to teach the judge the character of the individuals in the case.

  23. Dear chap, have you considered asking the court to transfer the case to South Carolina? If you try enough states you’re bound to find the right one eventually!

    • Better yet: A jury of his peers. Let’s see-

      Bunny Boy
      Soulmate 4.0

      Need 8 more. Hmmm…

      Rachel Maddow
      Keith Olberman
      Anderson Cooper

      Need 5 more- Hillary’s not out of the woods yet. Soros can’t step outside the pentagram…

      I’m thinking! I’m thinking!

        • I know. I had this problem last night.

          There were these three rather raucous, rather heavy-set women at the bar. I listened to them, and I thought they might be from Scotland, based on their accent. So I went up to them, and asked, “are you three Lassies from Scotland?” And the lead girl replied “Whales, you bloody idiot, Whales.” To which I replies, “OK. Are you three whales from Scotland?”

          … and that’s all I remember…

      • With many thanks to the author, Hillaire Belloc, here is an excerpt from the poem, “Lord Lundy”:

        The Duke — his aged grand-sire — bore
        The shame till he could bear no more.
        He rallied his declining powers,
        Summoned the youth to Brackley Towers,
        And bitterly addressed him thus–
        “Sir! you have disappointed us!
        We had intended you to be
        The next Prime Minister but three:
        The stocks were sold; the Press was squared:
        The Middle Class was quite prepared.
        But as it is! . . . My language fails!
        Go out and govern New South Wales!”

        The Aged Patriot groaned and died:
        And gracious! how Lord Lundy cried!

  24. Sissy Bill “running from John Hoge” Schmalfeldt, that’s another new moniker for the joke that is Bill Schmalfeldt after reading this latest filing. Seriously, Bill, don’t act like a tough guy anymore – you’re on the record admitting you’re on the run. Do you wake up at night drenched in fear pee?

  25. From a comfortable life in a single wide, to living on the run in motels, “adopting” and eating cats and dogs, and shacking up with a foreign male hooker. Mom would be so proud.

  26. I will not be surprised if Schmalfeldt ignores the summons to appear. It must be weighing heavily on his mind that he will be great entertainment for his fellow inmates. His latest tweets seem to suggest as much. Who knows, maybe Schmalfeldt will finally meet the Jail Boss of his ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶m̶a̶r̶e̶s̶ dreams.

    • You never know, maybe Bill’s fantasy is to become someones prison bitch. Or multiple someones. You know how strong his obsession with other men’s genitals is. He can’t even keep his love of it out of his court filings. Yeah, he has a “girlfriend” Bwhahahahahaha

  27. I’ve decided that the redheadturkey account is Bill Schmalfeldt. Who tweets a person in the same room? Additionally, the tweets are crude and moronic, e.g., Bill’s usual.

  28. how many ways can someone get themselves held in contempt of court in the span of a court case??

    whatever that number is, I suspect Dumbf5ck is trying to exceed it.

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