Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once. Telephone receiver picked up.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, it’s Paul Candler. Thanks for locating The Grouch.

JOHNNY: Well, that was only his temporary address—if you can believe what he told the judge.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Uh, huh, but it matches with my other source which tends to vouch for her reliability.

JOHNNY: I take it you want me to keep up with the task.

ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Yes.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during the Red-Headed Leak Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @Zombie Can the undead get a life in Final Fantasy?

JOHNNY: The next step for this investigation was to improve [redacted]


NERD: So that’s a far as I can probe things from here. You need answers from further up the food chain.

JOHNNY: They’re notorious for stonewalling this sort of request.

NERD: Maybe. But how much will it cost you to send a letter by Certified Mail?

ANNOUNCER: Spring has sprung. With warmer-but-not-hot weather coming, a Hogewash! Res Judicata long-sleeve t-shirt could be just the thing for casual wear. It’s exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re both ways you can support the Team.

JOHNNY: To my surprise, I was able to get some cooperation from Twitter for a change. They were able to [redacted]


ZOMBIE: (Telephone Filter) Of course, she wasn’t a part of the conversation. She butted in.

JOHNNY: Some people just have bad manners. And remember, that’s part of what got The Grouch in trouble back in 2013.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @DreadHead You talkin’ to me?

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? [redacted] is the name of the game. Join us, won’t you.

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

15 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Johnny is my favorite PI.
    He’s not real. No, not at all.
    I wonder if Johnny has paid [redacted] to keep an eye [redacted].

    • Just like the Parkinson’s, story gets bigger everyday as does the storyteller

      • It’s amazing how walkers are no longer needed.
        Johnny said something about that, I think.

  2. If this faux “girlfriend” really existed, Cabin Boy would be a real s**theel dragging he/she/it into his insane obsession and his alliance with criminal scumbags like Kimberlin.

    • is being a real s**theel better or worse than being a demented adjudicated cyber harasser??
      cause Shakey has already ticked that box.

  3. I still can’t believe he left a rental house, although in a high crime area, to be a homeless bum in South Carolina. And even Bill isn’t a big enough piece of shit to drag a real live woman into that kind of lifestyle.*

    *I do reserve the right to modify my opinion of how big a piece of shit he is. After all, he routinely surpasses my expectations for his level of stupidity.

    • I totally gave up on expectations of his level of stupidity. He always seems to take them as challenges and exceeded my expectation single time years ago.

  4. He seems to be going out of his way to take the most unflattering pictures of her imaginable. No woman wants to be photographed in a way that makes her look like Harry Knowles.

    • Shakey mispelled “laughing his ass off at the fugly guy” supposedly sharing a bed with him as “angst”

      seriously Shakey, it was funny the first couple of times, but now it’s just sad.

      IF you are going to continue pretending anyone in their right mind would have anything to do with you on any level, at least hire something that LOOKS like a woman.
      we all know your choices are limited but come on, the guy and his halloween wig you picked ain’t cutting it at all.

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