Prevarication Du Jour


The Cabin Boy™ sometimes lies by telling part of the truth.It’s true that there is no readily available public document which contains a statement under oath from Bill Schmalfeldt in which he swears he is Paul Krendler. However, if one files a properly targeted Freedom of Information Act request, one can obtain a document in which he swears that he is the author of a book whose writer claims to be Paul Krendler.

I’ll just throw out some breadcrumbs for the astute Gentle Reader to follow.

Back in October, 2015, the Cabin Boy™ used CreateSpace, the print-to-order service run by Amazon, to self-publish a book titled Confessions of an Undercover Internet Troll. It contained some material plagiarized from this blog. I filed an infringement notice with Amazon, and after a bit of a tug-of-war with Schmalfeldt, Amazon and CreateSpace dropped the book.

During the brouhaha, Schmalfeldt put a post up on his now-defunct The Merry Widower blog called Time for Me to Come Clean on Undercover Troll. He admitted being the book’s “anonymous” author and threatened me with the direst of dire direness if I did not relent in my attempt to have the book pulled. He assured both his readers that the book would be available again within two weeks and that I would be facing a $2,500 fine. He posted a screen shot from his copyright registration transaction for the book to prove his claim. Here’s a portion of the online receipt he posted.Gentle Reader, if you go to the copyright online search page, you will find that no copyright registration has yet been issued for the book. There are three possible explanations. One, the registration could still be in process, but that is unlikely after a year-and-a-half. Two, the Cabin Boy™ might have been smart enough to withdraw the application for registration. Three, the registration was denied. Whichever is correct, there is a case number associated with the application, the possible use for which is left to the astute Gentle Reader to surmise.

UPDATE—Of course, I can’t publish an extract of the Cabin Boy’s™ post that I refer above because of our 2104 Settlement Agreement. However, it appears that the post was archived here.

71 thoughts on “Prevarication Du Jour

  1. This is BS throwing out red herrings and carefully parsing his words: “no such thing” as a sworn “document” or a “book.” Who cares? THAT IS NOT THE LAW. You do not have to claim something under oath, or claim it in a book, for it to be used against you. And that is all I’m going to say about that in a public forum.

    BS has a “documented” (heh) history of claiming to be the victim of “crimes”:
    –he claimed that someone leaving neatly bagged cat poop (I still wonder HOW he knew it was cat poop if it was bagged) was Hoge or George or PK or Howard Earl;
    –that the letter he wrote and mailed was “forged” and mailed by Hoge or George or PK; that the horse poop he later admitted that he sent to himself was mailed by a lickspittle;
    –that when he opened the horse poop he was so shocked that he fell over and hurt his head, conveniently forgetting that he had just tweeted that he had done so when he fell over petting the dog the day before;
    — that it was his wife who opened the tub of poop, causing her to vomit;
    –that Hoge caused him to fake-rupture a muscle in his leg, leaving him wheelchair-bound for life.

    There’s more, but you get the picture. All of this latest nonsense is deliberately designed or being leveraged solely for the purpose of litigation in the Hoge v. Dum Dum lawsuit. He does this almost EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. It’s his way of playing victim, gaining the sympathy of the court, libeling Hoge in court documents, and muddying the waters. He openly coordinates on Twitter with those people he claims not to know in discovery documents.

    Part of what has led to this panic is his paranoid belief that he is being monitored by a PI, a fictional character by the name of Johnny Atsign. As for alleged admissions by others that they are Paul Krendler?

    No. The crap BS has been posting for years to support his claim is trolling and he knows it, since he has accused at least 5 other people of being PK, and one of them had to get restraining orders to protect her family from his obscene harassment of her.

    Inspector Clouseau/Oliver Wendell Jones should also remember two terms: res judicata and collateral estoppel. Whining about vandalism when you live in a high crime neighborhood and trying to pin it on innocent men who lives hundreds if not thousands of miles away is lunacy. And that photo he posted with the business card of the LEO? Not a good look. Terrible rash around the mouth. He might want to get that checked out. Might be hemorrhoids.

    • P.S. “As you will see very soon” = he will be filing some motion next week in which he weaves an elaborate plot to justify his failure to inform Hoge or the court of his move and change of address. He will endeavor to explain why he lied to the court about his ability to travel, and it will involve the miraculous effect of three weeks of diet and exercise to reverse the ravages of 17 years of fake PD. I want that diet, by the way. He may discuss his recent cancer scare, and if he’s really clever, he’ll remember to . . . oh, darn, doorbell.

      • The visitor from Porlock strikes again.

        Laptop, home.

        Not for long, though. Unlike CBBS, I have a social life that doesn’t involve twitter.

    • 1. WordPress, any news on that infinite like button?

      2. That rash might just be herpes.

    • “He openly coordinates on Twitter with those people he claims not to know in discovery documents.”

      Are you saying he’s dumber than a bag of sand?

  2. while there are many for whom, “do as I say not as I do” is there modus operandi,
    good ol’ Fat Bastardson is more in the line of “who you gonna believe? me or your lying eyes?”
    or better yet “Believe the lies I tell now, not the ones I told before”

  3. Basically, lying liars have a tendency to accuse others of lying regardless of the circumstances. His lies are so transparent it’s worse than pathetic.

  4. It’s hilarious that Cabin Boy still hasn’t realized that there is a complete database of his antics, he can and does lose track but we dont.

  5. What editor would have accepted “There is NO SUCH THING as a document” when “there is NO document” expresses the meaning without the bloat? A dumbf5ck editor, that’s who.

    • I also have to wonder when the poor deluded dumbf5ck will realize exactly why Hoge knows that a properly targeted FOIA request will result in….on never mind 😀

    • What do you wanna bet that what bill is calling vandalism the cops are calling BE&A–breaking and entering an auto–which by the way is a felony, which is why he has been yelling felony all week .

    • That is delusional, even by BS’s standards.

      Seriously, no one vandalized anything, ever, at the behest of our gentle host. That sounds like something out of a bad cop drama where the lead thug, wearing a leather jacket with enough chains to start a bicycle shop, sends his suspiciously sniveling minion out to “send a message”. You will note that the characters in these dramas are usually teenagers or just past being teenagers, not senior gentlemen who are quantum mechanics and consultants for Goddard.

      I don’t even believe in the vandalism, to be really honest, because if any had occurred, there would be pictures and floth-flinging rants.

      Let us assume vandalism did happen. Who – besides BS, who really doesn’t believe it himself – really thinks any one of the readers of this blog is going to drive hundreds of miles, round trip, to do something that would cost less than $500 to repair?

      Logic. How *does* it work?

      Laptop, home.

  6. The cowardly Biwwy seems to be such a nervous nelly lately. Don’t worry Bill, you know what you did. You know what the legal penalties can be for what you did. What you DON’T know is [REDACTED]

  7. I wonder where anyone would get the idea that our lulcow would try to copyright that mess?

    Oh, yeah.

    • And two weeks after that tweet, the twit was claiming that he was Krendler, and that anyone who doubted it was an idiot or liar. He denied/forgot ever announcing his plans in public.

      He makes Wile E. Coyote look subtle and clever.

    • But wait, I thought he is Krendler!

      This is so confusing.

      It’s almost like he has no sense of object permanence and is making shit up as he goes.

  8. He called me an idiot for saying he was lying about being Krendler. I’ll gleefully testify to that in any court.

  9. King lulz the 8th is on the horizon. Remember the Jane, stretch those abdominal muscles,, have irony meters disconnected, and buried in 1 meter of concrete.

    The serial liar is about to file his last lawsuit….

    oh and visit his gofundscum page, he close to setting a record for hits but no donations…

  10. It’s nice to see that some people still have honor.
    Holding yourself accountable to the same agreement that fat bastard violates almost daily shows you to be of a much higher caliber than he is.
    Of course I’m sure he will claim your linking to the archive of something he posted violates it but then again he’s a lying liar Who Lies so who cares what he thinks.

  11. Mr. Hoge, it’s me. I’m out in the driveway, cleaning it with the eye dropper that you so generously gave to me. Just wanted to let you know that this is an argument that BS is going to present:

    Now, back to work!

    • 1) He never said it was fiction. He said it was the truth. In part, he intended everyone to believe him and feel like we’d been played by Hoge — thus the claims about making money off the “scam”. It never occurred to him that he’d lied so much no one would ever believe him.

      2) His statements that he was “Krendler” weren’t just in the book. As I recall, the book was authored by “anonymous”, and he was touting it in comments without admitting he was the author. THEN he admitted he had “written” it — meaning he was claiming to be “Krendler” — and had applied for the copyright. I believe this was on Twitter and in comments and blog posts.

      3) His overall plan was to either get the copyright and use it to have the original material taken down, or to get the Real Krendler to try to challenge the copyright or buy it from him, and so expose his identity. That didn’t work, because not only is Cabin Boy stupid and a horrible liar, but he also tends to broadcast his intentions *and* he uses the same “tricks” over and over.

    • Hatred? Our host is “stir[ing] up hatred”?

      I may deeply despise Bill Schmalfeldt because of his words and actions. Hatred would require far more energy that he is worth.

      Every sentiment I feel towards Bill Schmalfeldt is a result of his words and actions. Mr. Hoge’s patience and reasonableness towards Bill Schmalfeldt inspire feelings of respect and admiration.

      Decency, Bill. Integrity. You might try to find some in your heart. I know it would be hard, but you really do need to try.

      Laptop, home.

  12. James Patterson invented the character Alex Cross.
    BS just admitted that in this sense, he is like Patterson, i.e., he invented Paul Krendler and he is Paul Krendler.
    I’m so happy, I could cry. Mr. Hoge, could I have an extra carrot for dinner for my fine work?

    Now I’m wondering if he’s Mark in Maryland, Owain Penlynn, some crazy Russian who tweets at him, Breitbartunmask, and several other characters.

  13. Anybody else wondering what the discoloration all over Schmalfeldt’s face is?

  14. My, Bill certainly seems to be working himself into a lather.

    Let’s see if I have the story straight so far:

    Hoge is sueing Bill for, among other things, breaching their Settlement Agreement. Bill has been properly served, and has replied with filings to the Court.

    Bill argued that the case, brought under Maryland law, should be transferred to Wisconsin. The Court disagreed.

    Bill argued that the Settlement Agreement was not a valid, enforceable contract. The Court disagreed.

    Bill argued that he no longer had enough contact with Maryland to be bound by an agreement he made with the Maryland Court. The Court disagreed.

    Bill argued that Hoge is a big poopy head. The Court has been silent on this point. By Bill’s standards, this is success.

    Bill folded his skirts and fled Milwaukee, with or without being pushed by the Ninjanuns, settling in the bustling metropolis of Clinton, IA. Oh, he miraculously recovered from his PD enough to buy a car, drive, and live on his own, when he had previously sworn in court documents that he was unable to drive, could not leave his home because the emergency button would not work, needed caregivers at all times, and other sundry tales of woe and bullshit.

    Bill tweeted a picture of his new domicile. Hoge could have continued mailing things to the Ninjanuns, but those were coming back rejected, no such occupant. Legally, he was covered, since it was Bill’s responsibility to inform the court of his new address, but he used due dilligence and attempted to track down Bill to properly serve him with documents.

    Hoge managed to locate the house Bill had tweeted, Bill used the Google Maps pic of his own place, and mentioned where he lived to his “audience” but lied by 1 street. Hoge has patience. Beware the fury of a patient man. Hoge posted the Google Maps pic, sans address. Bill replied by posting a pic of himself standing in front of that house. No walker. No cane. Stairs. Just saying.

    Suddenly, BARBARIANS ATTACK!!!! Bill was hit with some form of VANDALISM!!!! that did a whopping $465 in damages. So clearly, this was the work of his arch nemesis, which is either Hoge or Krendler depending on the day, the JWR, lots of things. It’s kinda like the rules to Fizbin, you’re better off just not playing.

    So, if you believe Bill, he is now the victim of an interstate conspiracy to do…. something, something pretty minor, but so far unspecified, to his home. Clinton CSI is on it, they got boot prints and finger prints, and they took 27 8×10 color glossy pictures with circles and arrows, and a paragraph on the back of each one. And lickety split, they called up Grady, who Bill is convinced is Krendler, and lo and behold he confessed right there over the phone to this non-felony. I guess he wasn’t smart enough to ask for a lawyer, or clam up, or grab a piece of paper and crumple it in front of the phone and say “I’m sorry, there’s a problem with the phone, you’ll have to call me back!” The Clinton Cops got their man! Because there was no other crime in town to keep their attention, and they just loved Bill’s company.

    But, per Bill, Grady, aka Krendler fingered Hoge as the instigator of whatever VANDALISM!!!! occurred. Because remember what I said about beware the fury of a patient man? Hoge is patient, but in a sudden burst of evil impule he ordered Krendler, I mean, Grady, to drive to Clinton, like 5 hours round trip, and do… something, whatever, somehow Bill has never shown any vandalism. Because Hoge is all about random rage flashes that override his reason. Really, Bill is projecting so much Clinton should hire him to be a new Imax.

    Have I missed anything?

    • Bill should borrow that tale. It’s absolutely nuts, but is far more coherent and cohesive than any tale he’s told to date.

      Laptop, home.

    • Let me fill in a bit on how law enforcement usually works too. When my wife and I bought a house in [redacted because .!.. yourself, Biwwy], someone stole all the brass water pipes just before we took ownership, causing more than $3,000 in damages. ($3000 is a number that you probably can already tell is both larger than the amount that Biwwy is claiming he had to pay in damages to his vandalized house, and far less than the amount he has spent on JWR since he began celebrating the death of his wife.)

      A nice police officer came out, took down our information, and even gave us a case number. We never heard from the cops again.

      The plummer who replaced the pipes with plastic pipes said you could see where the thief had moved underneath the house, following all the pipe locations. Footprints galore down there.

      We duly reported it to the police. They duly ignored it.

      This was in an upper middle-class neighborhood with a low crime rate, mind you.

      So, Biwwy, the card and case number was to give you the illusion that someone gives a damn about your less than $500 vandalism, and they’re certainly not going to waste resources trying to go after someone who, by your own claims, is not even in the state.

      But have fun in pretendy land.

  15. “…I AM DRACULA.” – Bill Schmalfeldt

    I’ve been studying journamalism at the Schmalfeldt School of Journamalism at Acme University. Today we learned how to quote people in the Schmalfeldt style.

      • Given his penchant for other less mainstream sexual practices, I wouldn’t rule out an interest in bestiality. He’s not going to stop. Metaphorical or not, beating dead horses is probably the only sexual release he’s had in years.

    • For his next trick, WJJH will trick Bill into applying for copyright under the name, “I.P. Freely.”

  16. Queer, isn't it, how @wjjhoge and his readers believe I created the Ambiguously Gay Duo on Saturday Night Live? https://t.co/XFeaNnt5Wg— Fatman Podcast (@FatmanPodcast) April 9, 2017

    Now Bill, we all know reading comprehension is NOT your strong suit, but no one is saying you created The Ambiguously Gay Duo.

    For one, it’s actually quite funny, something you only manage by accident.

    For two, part of the funniness was everyone else wondering if they were gay or not, and we already know you are a raging homo, so filled with self loathing at yourself, for your own homosexual (and quite probably pedophilic) desires, that you consider it self esteem crushing insult to accuse others of being gay.

    Be well 🙂

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