Blognet


BlognetTitleCardMUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A group of cyberstalkers have been contacting the employers of several bloggers, and the employers are becoming concerned by the harassment. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Monday, February 23rd. It was a clear and cold in Westminster. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 12:16 pm when Liz returned to Room S-140, Internet Detail.

SOUND: Door opens and closes. Footsteps across room. Chair pulled out.

SMITH: They had crab soup and cream of broccoli today.

FRIDAY: So which did you get me.

SMITH: Crab.

SOUND: Paper bag rustling.

FRIDAY: OK.

SMITH: And the grilled cheese sandwich and chips.

FRIDAY: Thanks.

SOUND: Telephone rings.

SMITH: I’ve got it.

SOUND: Receiver picked up.

SMITH: Internet Detail. Officer Smith. … Oh, hi, Bob. I heard you had retired. … You’re where? … Really, you’re with the government there? I thought people went there as contractors after they retired. … What’s up? … Yeah, we’ve heard of him. … Uh, huh. … Yeah, him too. Why do you ask? … When? … Yeah, that fits in with something we’ve been looking at up here. … Which one actually made the contact? … Both? That’s unusual. That’s usually something we see Parvocampus do. … You’re sure it’s both? … OK. … I tell you what. Send me everything your boss will let you share, and I’ll send you our files on both of ‘em. … I’ll email all the electronic stuff in a zip file and overnight copies of the paper files. Is that office still in Building 8? … OK. … Sure. … I was good to hear from you again, Bob. Good luck with the new job. … You’re welcome. Goodbye.

SOUND: Receiver hung up.

SMITH: That was Bob Johnson. He’s got himself a new job working as an investigator for the feds.

FRIDAY: I wondered where he went.

SMITH: It seems that Parvocampus has been contacting the agency he works for complaining about bloggers writing defamatory stuff. Bob’s been investigating the complaints.

FRIDAY: And he’s finding that they’re as bogus as the copyright nonsense Parvocampus stirred up last year.

SMITH: Yeah, but there’s another angle.

FRIDAY: Oh?

SMITH: They’re also receiving complaints about the same blogger from Timberland.

FRIDAY: That’s probably not a smart play for Parvocampus and Timberland.

SMITH: How’s that?

FRIDAY: They’re doubling down on stupid.

MUSIC: Stinger

FRIDAY: When we received the files from Bob Johnson, it became clear that Timberland was up to something, and that he was targeting a particular blogger. Without further information, all we could do was wait for his next move.

Friday, March 6th, 2:38 pm.

[redacted]

SMITH: When?

FRIDAY: After all the civil cases play out.

NARRATOR: [redacted]

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Mmmm, coffee. Are you a proud member of Team Lickspittle and a fan of Blognet? Why not sip your coffee from a Hogewash! Murum Aries Attigit Coffee Mug? Murum Aries AttigitRes Judicata, Team Lickspittle, The Grand Hog, Collateral Estoppel, and Johnny Atsign merchandise is available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today, spend some money, and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or by doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

NARRATOR: [redacted]

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

7 thoughts on “Blognet

  1. I wonder if El Kimbo isn’t continuing the fight because he’s cornered like a rat. In a corner. He either has to win something or lose BIG on everything.

    What is this guy doing for income? He has to pay residential taxes, buy groceries and school clothes- WJJH indicates the non-profits aren’t bringing in the coin.

    Bill seems to be stuck on stupid. Clearly it’s personal to him. But that makes total sense, too, because he has nothing else.

    Sad. Or as the kids say, ‘#sad’-

  2. May I say again, I wholly approve of Team Hoge waiting until deadlines have passed before a clever lawyer (who by definition would not be on Team Kimberlin, or within shoe-smelling distance of Clinton, IA,) before letting them know that that new smell of putresencese was not them, but some hick that filed a response that Brett had not countered.

    Count yourselves lucky, as you drive through the area, that you can tell freshly fertilized fields by smell. Cow shit is low in the nose, pig shit is “warmer” and closer to the tip of the nose… Despite repeated trips, I’ve never been close enough for “Bill’s in Clinton” level schnogography to “peg the meter” as it were (not what you think, Bill, calm down….)

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