Sergeant Friday and Officer Smith are on the road following leads in a new investigation, so we’re recycling this episode this evening—
BlognetTitleCardMUSIC: Theme. Intro and fade under.

NARRATOR: Ladies and gentlemen, the story you are about to hear is true. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

MUSIC: Up, then under …

NARRATOR: You’re a Detective Sergeant. You’re assigned to Internet Detail. A blogger has been accused of assault. Your job … get the facts.

MUSIC: Up then under …

ANNOUNCER: Blognet … the documented drama of an actual case. For the next few minutes, in cooperation with the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department, you will travel step by step on the side of the good guys through an actual case transcribed from official files. From beginning to end, from crime to punishment, Blognet is the story of the good guys in action.

MUSIC: Up and out.

SOUND: Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: It was Monday, March 2nd. It was gray and snowy in Maryland. We were working the day watch out of Internet Detail. My partner’s Liz Smith. The Boss is Twitter Town Sheriff W. J. J. Hoge. My name’s Friday. It was 12:16 pm when we entered Room T104 of the Montgomery County Circuit Courthouse. Technical Services.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps across room.

SMITH: I don’t see anyone. It’s lunch time.

FRIDAY: Some of the workstations are around the corner. Use the call bell on the counter.

SOUND: Bell rings.

CLERK: (Off mike) Be right there.

SOUND: Footsteps.

CLERK: (Full mike) How can I help you?

FRIDAY: I’m Sergeant Friday with Twitter Town. This my partner Officer Smith. We’re looking for some surveillance video. We’re investigating an incident that occurred outside the courtrooms on the 9th floor on the 9th of January. Is that video available?

CLERK: It should be.

SMITH: How do we get a copy?

CLERK: We can provide a DVD.

FRIDAY: How long will it take?

CLERK: If you can identify which courtroom so that we know which camera or cameras cover the area, I could have that ready in a few hours. That, and I’ll need the OK from the Sheriff’s Office since this deals with courthouse security.

FRIDAY: Who handles that for the Sheriff?

CLERK: Lt. Col. Jones. His office is down the hall near the security checkpoint.

SMITH: OK. It was Courtroom 9D. The altercation allegedly occurred just before 11 am on the 9th.

CLERK: Of January?

SMITH: Right.

FRIDAY: We’ll go get the authorization for you to release the video.

CLERK: Have them call me. I’ll start on it as soon as they do. This shouldn’t take long. If they OK the release, I should have the DVD for you by 3 o’clock.

FRIDAY: Thanks.

SOUND: Door opens. Footsteps in hallway.

FRIDAY: Well, there’s one thing that never changes.

SMITH: What’s that?

FRIDAY: Bureaucracy.

MUSIC: Stinger and under.

FRIDAY: Jones wasn’t available. We left a message, and he got back to us the next day. It took several days, but eventually the DVD of the incident was mailed to us.

Tuesday, March 10th. 11:09 am

SMITH: Joe, there’s a package from Montgomery County Technical Services in the mail.


SOUND: Envelope torn open.

SMITH: Yep. With some certification paperwork. We might as well take a look now.

SOUND: DVD being loaded. Mouse clicks.

FRIDAY: That’s the area outside the courtroom. OK, there’s Timberland coming out. This isn’t full motion video.

SMITH: Uh, huh. It looks like about one frame per second.

FRIDAY: OK. There, he’s held up … I guess that’s something like an iPad … and it gets taken from him.

SMITH: He’s still on his feet.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh, but his complaint says that the blow “decked him.”

SMITH: Let me replay that bit.

SOUND: Mouse clicks.

FRIDAY: Yeah. He doesn’t even seem to stumble.

SMITH: These images have to be less that a couple of seconds apart. If he had been knocked down, he couldn’t have got back on his feet that fast.

FRIDAY: He wasn’t knocked down. He wasn’t even knocked off balance. Run it again.

SOUND: Mouse clicks.

SMITH: Ummm. Look, there he raises that iPad. I can understand how someone could think it was a threatening gesture.

FRIDAY: And it gets taken out of his hands.

SMITH: Then the guy disengages and moves across the lobby. He didn’t assault Timberland. What he did is obviously self defense.

FRIDAY: Uh, huh. If an assault occurred, he’s the victim, and Timberland’s the perp. This video proves it. Timberland forgot something important.

SMITH: What’s that?

FRIDAY: Sometimes, Santa Claus isn’t the only one watching you.

MUSIC: Up and under.

NARRATOR: On January 9th, Timberland filed an Application for Statement of Charges against the blogger alleging assault. In a moment, the disposition of those charges.

MUSIC: Stinger.

ANNOUNCER: Are you a loyal supporter of Team Lickspittle? If you are, you should be showing you support by wearing a Team t-shirt, sweatshirt, or hoodie. They’re just some of the useful trinkets with the Team Likespittle, Res Judicata, Johnny Atsign, and The Grand Hog logos you’ll find at The Hogewash Store. Why not go by today and spend a bit of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle? All those goodies are available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

NARRATOR: On January 9th, Timberland filed an Application for Statement of Charges against the blogger alleging assault. Upon review of the evidence, the Montgomery County State’s Attorney’s Office found that there was no support for the charge and a nolle prosequi was entered in the case. The charge was dropped.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: You have just heard Blognet, a series of authentic cases from official files. Technical advice comes from the office of the Twitter Town Sheriff’s Department.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Blognet is a work of fiction. Anyone who thinks it’s about him should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in on Monday evenings at 6 pm Eastern Time for the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous Internet investigator—Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

19 thoughts on “Blognet

  1. Dead Air Schmalfeldt is pretending to be a journalist. He had no problem whatsoever wihen Obama spied on journalists like James Rosen, locked them in closets, or kicked them off his campaign plane.

    Question: has he notified the proper agencies to stop his fake PD disability checks?

  2. He’s claiming that people have “wild imaginations” when it comes to his fixation with urinating on kids. He wrote, recorded and sold a Cub Scout parody on Amazon that mentioned the act, he included a transcript of it in one of his lawsuits, and he offered to urinate on a commenter’s children on the Billy Sez blog. Of course, he’s twisting what he actually did in order to make his accusers sound like liars. Where he goes, trouble follows. After contacting or suing the employers of about a dozen people, he’s whining because someone has done the same to him.

  3. Oh, dear. Dead Air is tweeting that we are making things up. I am sure one of his lawfare victims can dig up the complaint he filed where he helpfully appended a transcript of his pornographic skit involving Cub Scouts.

    There’s also the time he photoshopped a photo of our host in his teenage years into male porn. In fact, the judge sealed the exhibit because it was so bad. According to this article, that would make Dead Air a producer of pornography under section 2257 of the USC.
    “He produced an image of two men engaged in either simulated or actual anal intercourse, and replaced the faces of the actual models hired with the faces of at least one other person.”

    I am sure our host can post the scribd document of that case again.

  4. This is an example of Dead Air Schmalfeldt’s behavior after he “apologized” to Lee Stranahan, who accepted the apology and neither writes about nor contacts Dead Air.

  5. I believe that he has probably told them his usual line about RWNJ, etc., and he is maintaining the facade on Twitter. All anyone has to do is google his name and look at what he himself has written.

  6. Ok, who had five days as the time that would pass before BS stepped in it? Come to the front desk for your prize. BS is now speaking on behalf of the management of his new station.


      *please don’t nobody notice how i just pointed out that only one person listened to me on the internet

  7. “… Ms. Wetterling, one only needs to look at his own twitter feeds (mentioned above) to see the depravity of his actions (calling others child molestors yet he himself has a restraining order from a 3 year old as mentioned above- see attachment). He even speaks as MAC 94.7 is his own personal fiefdom that he rules in a godfather-like fashion (‘Another lame attempt … to get me fired … Give it up. This is my town…’). Just because PRC operates in smaller markets does not imply compromises on the quality of employees are mandatory…”

    • Now, Mr. Faksinsons, what do you think Chris is going to do when Ms Wetterling (who DOESN’T live in “your town”) goes to him and says “fire him”?

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