ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—
SOUND: Skype rings once. Receiver picked up.
JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.
RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) Good morning, Johnny.
RULE 5 GIRL: (Telephone Filter) How’d your survey of intriguing locations go?
JOHNNY: It was kind of boring. The best part of the trip was being able to do some ice fishing.
MUSIC: Theme up and under.
ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …
JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Broadway Beat Matter.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch The jokes may be corny as Kansas in August, but you’re not as normal as blueberry pie.
JOHNNY: The Grouch had moved, and he had left no forwarding address. However, I was able to keep track of him via his connections to the Internet. Based on [redacted].
ANNOUNCER: Ice fishing, Johnny? Brrrrr! I’m glad that winter will be over in a few weeks, even though we’ll still have some chilly weather during the first part of spring. A Team Lickspittle hoodie could be just the thing to keep you comfortable on one of those not-too-cold day ahead. It’s exclusively available along with lots of other goodies at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard earned cash in support of Team Lickspittle. Or do your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page. Or hit the Tip Jar. They’re all ways you can support the Team.
JOHNNY: I’m so old that when I first worked in radio, we were still playing phonograph records on turntables. The Grouch is now spinning tunes digitally at a small town station on the fringe of a minor market, a station that doesn’t even show in the ratings book for the 156th-ranked market.
When I drove by the station on 442 Avenue out north of town, it seemed to a fairly usual small-time AM/FM operation surrounded by agricultural land.
The Grouch has said that he lives close to Pete Grayson, the guy he sometimes incorrectly claims is the Zombie. However, if Grayson lives in Palatine, Illinois, as The Grouch claims and The Grouch lives near Palatine, then he has one helluva commute to work at his new radio gig.
Of course, The Grouch doesn’t live near Palatine. My tracking data shows that.
JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheGrouch What if the impossible dream is a probable nightmare?
ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.
JOHNNY: Next time? Tag. You’re it! Join us, won’t you?
Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!
MUSIC: Swell theme and under
ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.
MUSIC: Theme up to music out.
ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.
Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.