Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


Because Johnny is out surveying some intriguing locations, we’ve decided to run a vintage episode this evening—Johnny Atsign Logo 2

ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

CALLER: (Telephone Filter) Mr. Atsign, my name is Steve. I’m a fan of your show.

JOHNNY: Hello, Steve. What can I do you?

CALLER: (Telephone Filter) Well, you could check for a DM from me in your Twitter account.

JOHNNY: Oh?

CALLER: (Telephone Filter) Yes. I believe you’ll find the link it contains intriguing.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of Short-Fused Dud Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) Hey, @Stevethefan, thanks. That does seem intriguing.

JOHNNY: An anti-First-Amendment activist called The Bomber had filed suit against a small group of bloggers in a Maryland state court. He claimed that they had conspired to stalk, harass, and defame him by writing true things about his past and present activities. When that didn’t sufficiently intimidate them, The Bomber sued them along with almost 20 other bloggers and media organizations in a federal court, this time claiming that the larger group was a racketeering enterprise set up to harass and defame him.

Some of the bloggers he sued are anonymous. The Bomber didn’t know who he was really suing, and, therefore, he didn’t know who to serve with the various court papers.

He’s tried various methods of identifying those bloggers. In the case of the blog known as Top Gun, he has been singularly unsuccessful. But that’s not from lack of trying. A big part of his problem stemmed from the fact he filed suit against the blog but not the blogger who ran it.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard. Mouse clicks.

JOHNNY: My caller’s DM contained a link to the case number of The Bomber’s federal RICO suit, but with a twist. The suit had been filed in the District of Maryland, but the link led to the Eastern District of Virginia. Sure enough, the case was docketed there too.

SOUND: Typing on keyboard. Mouse clicks.

JOHNNY: Well, well, well … It seems that he’s gone fishing in a new pond. This is worth sharing.

SOUND: Telephone handset picked up. Number dialed. Phone ringing (Caller’s POV).

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Pro Bono.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign here, Counsellor. I’ve got something to show you online. Can you login to PACER?

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Actually, I’m logged in now. What’s up?

JOHNNY: I know you’re only handling the state case, but you want to take a look at The Bomber’s RICO suit.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) I do that from time to time. Has he filed something new?

JOHNNY: Yeah, but you need to look in the Eastern District of Virginia for it?

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Really? Let’s see … Yeah, there is something there … Uh, huh … He’s filed subpoena request to try to get information about Top Gun. That’s interesting, but Top Gun isn’t one of my clients.

JOHNNY: I know, but look at attachment 2.

PRO BONO: (Telephone Filter) Wow! I don’t believe that.

JOHNNY: Yeah. He’s screwed up big time. That receipt for the filing fee shows that it was paid by a check drawn on the account of the not-for-profit he works for.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny may be out on the road, but back here in Westminster, it’s been a long day here at the studio. Today’s been a bit of a grind. Fortunately, I’ll be off work soon, and I plan to cheer myself up with a sip or two of something interesting. I’ll be sipping that beverage from a Johnny Atsign Drinking Glass. It and other Johnny Atsign items are some of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or by doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) Hey, Johnny, all the replies are in for the motions to dismiss The Bomber’s RICO suit, so we’re getting ready for discovery just in case the judge doesn’t throw it out.

JOHNNY: And?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) We’d like you to do some more research on that receipt you found in the Eastern District of Virginia.

JOHNNY: Oh?

AARON: (Telephone Filter) That opens up the possibility that The Bomber has used other corporate assets in conducting the RICO suit …

JOHNNY: … and you want to identify them. I assume you’re expecting him to be as uncooperative with discovery in this case as he was in the state lawsuit.

AARON: (Telephone Filter) (Fading out) Just so. Anything you turn up will make make it easier …

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @TheBomber Paper or plastic?

MUSIC: Theme up and under

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next week? Who knows? We may find some interesting things as we turn over a few rocks. Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for a episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

3 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Pingback: In The Mailbox: 01.24.17 : The Other McCain

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