Blogsmoke


This is a updated version of an episode from January, 2015—

BlogsmokeSOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET

MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2

ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)

JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.

MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3

JOHN: Folks often ask me how I got to be Internet Sheriff here in Twitter Town. I ran unopposed after being nominated by Bunny Boy, the editor of a minor website. Back in November, 2013, Bunny Boy wrote what he thought was a satirical piece about my efforts to enforce a peace order against a cyberthug. As usual, he got many of his facts wrong. Subsequently, another peace order has been issued against the same cyberthug, and he’s violated that on as well.

But back to Bunny Boy. He did note that, given the then current rate of violations of the peace order, it was likely that there would have been thousands of counts standing against the violator by the time his case got to court in early 2014. He wondered, “The District Attorney and Circuit Court clerk probably do not enjoy this prospect. Will Sheriff Hoge wear out his welcome with the townsfolk and be named a vexatious litigant? Will he get called out for playing fast and loose with the rules of the court?”

Those questions are worth answering.

Did I wear out my welcome? It doesn’t seem likely. Since Bunny Boy wrote his article, Hogewash! has had over 5 million page views, and the currently traffic is has grown roughly ten fold.

Did I get named a vexatious litigant? Nope. In fact, the follow on civil matter, the extension to the peace order, was granted, and when the cyberthug tried to run an accuse-the-accuser play and charge me with perjury, his allegations were found to be without probable cause.

Did I get called out for playing fast and loose with the rules of the court? Nope. Actually, that’s what happened to the Bunny Boy’s boss.

JUDGE : Did you alter the return receipts between docket entry 38 and 50-whatever; did you change them? This is about the exact same brief green card being filed—the support motions you filed, the different docket entries, one showing the restricted delivery box checked and one not.

THE BOMBER: Your Honor, like I said, I asked the Post Office to send it restricted delivery.

JUDGE: You’re not answering my question.

THE BOMBER: Yes, I changed—

JUDGE: Did you change it?

THE BOMBER: Yes, I did.

JUDGE: And then you filed it representing that it accurately reflected the green card that had been filed out.

THE BOMBER: No, no, no, I filed it and accurately said‚it accurately reflected what I told the Post Office to do, and that’s what it is. You know, like I said, I’m a pro se litigant and—

JUDGE: Don’t even use that with me.

ANNOUNCER: Here in Westminster, we’re having those cool winter evenings when it’s nice to sit by the fire and sip some hot tea. I’ve been sipping mine from my Team Lickspittle tea tumbler. It keeps my tea hot this winter and will keep it cool next summer. It’s just one of the goodies exclusively available for you to spend your hard-earned cash on at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today, and spend some cash to support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

And now back to our story.

MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5

JOHN: No. I’m not the vexatious litigant in this scenario. And the game’s not over yet. I’ve countersued The Bomber, The Grouch, and others.

As usual, The Grouch has been attempting to try his case on the Internet, mostly on Twitter, and has been making a glorious fool of himself in the process. He seems to think that he can ignore discovery requests, and he is now subject to a court order to comply.

He had until the 19th of this month to deliver a physical copy of his written answer to me. He failed to do so.

Oh, one more thing … I wonder why Bunny Boy hasn’t been writing about this story?

MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6

ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) It’s been said that truth is strange than fiction because fiction has to make sense—as we will see in the next episode of “BLOGSMOKE”!

MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT

ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.”

Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

14 thoughts on “Blogsmoke

    • Perhaps, but if he poops on it before filing, then in would be defective, wouldn’t it?

      Or would it be defecative?

      Not sure that’s a word…but it ought to be!

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