SOUND: MODEM CONNECTING FADES UP TO FULL MIKE—SINGLE SHOT—RICHOCHET
MUSIC: UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 1
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Around Twitter Town and in the territory of the net—there’s just one way to handle the harassers and the stalkers—and that’s with an Internet Sheriff and the smell of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: THEME HITS: FULL BROAD SWEEP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 2
ANNOUNCER: “BLOGSMOKE” starring W. J. J. Hoge. The story of the trolling that moved into the young Internet—and the story of a man who moved against it. (MUSIC: OUT)
JOHN: I’m that man, John Hoge, Internet Sheriff—the first man they look for and the last they want to meet. It’s a chancy job—and it makes a man watchful … and a little lonely.
MUSIC: MAIN TITLE—RECORDED—CUT 3
JOHN: It’s been kind of quiet in a certain corner of the Internet for past few days. And there’s been a drop in incoming traffic here at Hogewash! from that direction. That’s made it possible for me to kick back and take a bit of a break. I’ve spent most of the past week catching up on paperwork. And drinking coffee. I like coffee.
SOUND: Coins in vending machine. Button pushed. Drink delivered.
PINKY: Howdy, Sheriff.
JOHN: Hi, Pinky. Pull up a chair.
PINKY: What are you doing here in the break area? I thought you’d be out working a case.
SOUND: Chair pulled out. Soda can popped open.
JOHN: Things are in a lull. I expect that they’ll pick up next week.
JOHN: Yeah. There’s a hearing in one of The Bomber’s LOLsuits, and it’s very likely that the remaining defendants will be dismissed.
PINKY: It’s about time.
JOHN: Yeah. And the first round of discovery is due to be delivered in the Boss’ case.
PINKY: I thought that The Bomber had announced that he wasn’t going to comply.
JOHN: He did, but he doesn’t have a protective order in place. He hasn’t even asked for one. The Rules require that he comply unless a protective order has actually been issued.
PINKY: Sounds like he’s screwing up discovery again.
JOHN: Which is not unexpected. Also, The Grouch has discovery due next week. I’m betting he won’t meet the deadline.
PINKY: That certainly wouldn’t be a surprise.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 4
ANNOUNCER: Cold nights will be here soon when you’ll want something warm to drink, say a good cup of coffee in a Hogewash! Res Judicata mug. Another good way to fight that chill is a Team Lickspittle blanket wrap. Why not get yours today? You can find coffee mugs and blanket wraps along other trinkets you can waste your hard-earned cash on exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Drop by today and show your support for Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.
MUSIC: SCENE BUMPER MUSIC—RECORDED—CUT 5
BRAIN: Is there any coffee left, or do I have to make some—as usual?
JOHN: Hi, Brain. It’s almost full. I made a fresh pot when I came in.
PINKY: So what do you think is next?
JOHN: It could be any one of several things. The Bomber’s got the one case that probably almost over in state court, and another that’s dragging on in federal court. He’s got one appeal going in the state courts and two appeals and a petition for a writ of mandamus going in federal Fourth Circuit. And he’s a defendant in the Boss’ lawsuit. There’s plenty of room for mischief there.
SOUND; Chair pulled up.
BRAIN: What about The Grouch?
JOHN: I was just telling Pinky that he’s got discovery due next week in the Boss’ lawsuit, and I don’t expect that he’ll answer on time. He’s kept his head down for the past few days, but …
PINKY: Do you think he’ll start stirring things up again?
JOHN: The possibility is worth pondering.
MUSIC: CLOSING TITLE UP AND UNDER—RECORDED—CUT 6
ANNOUNCER: (VOICE OVER MUSIC) Even with a good imagination, we can’t come up with stories as strange as The Bomber and his buddies provide for episodes of “BLOGSMOKE”!
MUSIC: SWELL AND CONTINUE TO MUSIC OUT
ANNOUNCER: The Legal Department wishes the following declaimer read: “‘BLOGSMOKE’ is a work of fiction. Anyone who feels it might be about him should read Proverbs 28:1.” Be sure to tune in on Monday at 6 pm Eastern Time for the next intriguing episode of “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign,” and join us again every Friday at 6 for alternating episodes “BLOGSMOKE” and “Blognet.” This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.