Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

The Cabin Boy™ said that he would have reviews on Monday of my opposition to his motion for summary judgment and my cross motion for summary judgment in the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. Here they are—

I don’t usually comment on such filings; I’ll make an exception in this case: Bwahahahahahahahahahahaha!

There’s also a rumor going around about the Cabin Boy™ filing a counterclaim. Go ahead. Make my day. That wouldn’t be unexpected. Indeed, …

Everything is proceeding as I have foreseen.

Oh, one more thing … the Cabin Boy™ seems to be geographically challenged. Michigan is the state across that big lake near his apartment. Maryland is the state he fled from.

117 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day


    • From the settlement:

      9. This Agreement shall be deemed executed in the State of Maryland and will be governed by the laws of the State of Maryland, except to the extent that other federal law may apply. This Agreement sets forth the entire agreement of the Parties. This Agreement may not be changed orally, but may be changed only by a writing signed by both of the Parties.

      10. This Agreement represents a fully negotiated agreement. The Parties have both been afforded the opportunity, which each has exercised, to review the terms of the Agreement.

      Plain language paragraph 9 say this is a valid agreement, and paragraph 10 says it has been fully negotiated, you did not ask for arbitration to be included so tough kitty.


  1. He is really fixated on the “lack of consideration” as if a court would let a non-valid agreement be the end result of arbitration they oversaw.

    He is also confused about binding. Binding arbitration isn’t the same thing as binding one to do something.

    The man is stupid.


  2. You would think with all the legal practice he’s been getting, he’d at least have learned something.

    He continues to regress at breakneck lulz speed.


  3. He doesn’t have much to work with (black letter law and all that jazz) and his motions are always funny reading, but they are his most coherent and best written motions to date. One would think the good Lord might’ve healed his Parkinson’s or something?


      • Thirteen. It was thirteen times. I’m still having trouble breathing.

        I was originally going to list all of the many typos (often two or three a paragraph) but I was laughing to hard to type.

        But at least our lulcow spelled his name correctly.


  4. My god, that’s the most incoherent and incompetent of his filings to date. An accomplishment in itself.

    The judge will hurt himself laughing at the gibberish.

    I can’t pick the most ludicrous of his gibberish claims but it’s a tie between the binding arbitration nonsense and the bizarre nolle pross “argument”. Both are utterly incoherent passages that look like a monkey cut and pasted randomly from randomly chosen court cases.

    These are the kind of gibberish filings that court clerks pin to their cubicle walls for laughs.


    • “Both are utterly incoherent passages that look like a monkey cut and pasted randomly from randomly chosen court cases.”

      I think you’ve cracked the code…


    • It was, quite possibly, the biggest flow of condensed epic butthurt that I have EVER seen. EVER! The binding arbitration argument was just so very special for sure.

      And, that’s some genuine frontier gibberish we are seeing I suspect. Rarin!


  5. In the Response to Opposition to The BLOB’s MSJ:

    “Dated thus 24th Day of September, 2016”

    Uh, it’s OCTOBER Laardvark.


  6. So… he thinks that because no court has declared his claim that John is a stalker is false, he wins?

    What does he think a trial is for?


  7. “uncontested piece order”.

    Well, I’m up for ordering another uncontested piece of pie.

    Oh, those mad GS-13 editing skillz!


  8. There’s that number again. I wonder why he’s fixated on that prime in particular?

    It’s also a Perrin number. I did wonder if Biwwy was giving us secret clues to his ultimate motivation, but I don’t think he’d have the mind for it.


  9. “THERE IS NO DISPUTE WHETHER THIS AGREEMENT CONTAINS ALL THE ELEMENTS NECESSARY FOR A CONTRACT – IT DOES NOT”

    Ummm…?


  10. He lied about his condition again. Now it’s supposedly “difficult and dangerous” to travel “long distances.” I am sure the court will be interested in his recent miraculous recovery, the reversal of his “PD”! He doesn’t even need his life alert! And given his hefty life insurance proceeds, his new editorial job, car, dating costs, etc., it’s clear that money isn’t an issue.


    • I loved this part;

      This Court permitted this defendant to appear by Skype at the previous motions hearing because Defendant’s 17-year battle with Parkinson’s has made it difficult and dangerous to travel long distances without an assistant. Nothing has changed since this Court ruled Defendant could appear by Skype.

      Notice how he doesn’t tell the judge he got a DL and a car BEFORE the last hearing. So, correct, nothing has changed. He was lying to the court then, and he is lying to the court now.


    • Besides the very obvious issue, Oliver Wendell Jones does realize the window to challenge all of this closed long ago, and he accepted all of this when he signed the settlement agreement, doesn’t he? HIC!?


      • You mean the obvious issue that Bill Schmalfeldt had many many chances to avoid “a long and storied history of being the victim of Hoge’s legal harassment”?

        Like when Hoge asked him to stop contacting him, stop contacting him?
        Like when Bill Schmalfeldt upped the game and started photoshopping his foe into pornographic photos?
        Like when the court said, “Don’t contact him”?
        Like when the court said, “No, we really mean it”?
        Like when the court said, “No, not even on Twitter”?

        That obvious issue?


        • Makes me wonder what would have happened if Bill had bothered to take even ONE of those chances. And then stuck with it.

          But this is Bill “THEY MADE ME DO IT, IT’S THEIR FAULT I DID IT” Schmalfeldt.


    • I think the #lying there arises from his deep-seated but of course incorrect belief that one must list one’s home address, and not that of an office or representative, on a copyright application. Boundlessly stupid, as always.


    • While typos are rife on the Internet, and especially on teh Twitterz, as you get to more long-lived formats, such as blog posts, moving up through the Fifth Estate (e.g. journalism) and up to legal forums (e.g. motion practice in lawsuits), the quality of writing is expected to conform to higher standards.

      So, given that this is a Twitter post, I’d normally cut the author a huge amount of slack. However, given the acrimony present in this comment, I’ve decided to lash out, get out my Oxford dictionary, and investigate the word “uinwarranted”.

      No such word.

      In fact, my dictionary (not a *complete* Oxford dictionary set, but fairly comprehensive at over 1500 large pages, hard cover) has only ONE word starting with “uin”:

      uintathere n. an early fossil hoofed mammal of the Eocene epoch, with a heavy rhinoceros-like body and a grotesque head with several bony horn-like swellings and long canine teeth. [ORIGIN: modern Latin Uintatherium, from Uinta(h), the name of a mountain range in Utah, US (where remains were found), + Greek therion `wild beast’.]

      (Sorry for not typing the “macron” diacritical mark above the e in “therion” above; my wordpress/HTML/Unicode-fu is not all that good.)

      ((Just checked in my dictionary: -fu is not listed as an official entry in my Oxford as a mainstream suffix… START NOMINATING IT NOW FOR THE NEXT (2020?) EDITION!))


  11. My favorite: “If Mr. Hoge claims Schmalfeldt is “The Bogey Man””

    So let me get this straight…according to BS our gracious Host is accusing the Cabin Boy of being a poor golfer???

    Or is the GS-13 just a shitty speller, just like he is a shitty person?

    Asking for a friend


  12. I don’t think I’m smart enough to be the first to notice that the very first paragraph (you know, the one that reads like it was written by someone who understands English) of the first pleading is cribbed from an appeals court decision in a case called Ambro v American National Bank.

    I do think I’m smart enough to read the whole decision and find out that this was a wrongful termination case, where the defense filed a motion for summary judgment which the lower court granted, but which the Appeals Court, in the decision quoted by DUMBFUCK, REVERSED, reinstating the plaintiff’s claim!

    IIRC, it’s not the first time this idiot has stomped his junk in this way.


    • It confused me exceedingly because he seemed to be arguing against himself and in favor of the plaintiff.

      I wonder if he knows he did that?


    • Reading RIGHT UP to where it says what he wants it to say, yet ignoring the actual part that the court meant.

      Pro Pro Se tip: When citing a case, realize that the initial parts of the ruling are known as the “preface” and that all it does is tell a story of how they got to the ACTUAL DECISION that was made. And that the preface is not the actual decision itself.


  13. Y’know, in this game I’ve been playing, the gibberings of madmen increase your stress levels.

    Then you have Cabin Boy, whose rantings only decrease stress through induced laughter.


  14. All these pleadings are by a professional journalist/GS-13 editor, right? So, what idiot missed “call him” instead of column? Oh, wait. Nvm. Forgot of whom I was speaking.


    • Errors like his indicate to me he is so lazy part of this is speech to text and he doesn’t even type it.

      And I would believe he is that lazy.


      • Dictation software is fine, but you need to proofread. Carefully.

        But this is a guy who thinks facts can only be determined by a judge. So, yea…


        • …unless of course, we’re talking about a judge finding that Brett Kimberlin is a perjuring, drug-dealing, bomb-setting pedophile. Then it’s “to my knowledge, God’s littlest angel Brett Kimberlin has never lied to me and was unfairly imprisoned for a couple of decades.”


  15. It’s really hard to wrap my mind around the idea that nothing can ever be said to be True or False unless a Court of Law has ruled on it.


    • It’s actually worse than that. He appears to be trying to argue that the court can’t rule on it because the court hasn’t ruled on it.


  16. Speaking of kooky, litigious, creepy, and possibly dangerous, poor old Roger Shuler is back in the game, having filed two new in pauperis pro-se federal lawsuits. That might be highly entertaining to anyone but someone who has to bother with it, but for this comment he made:

    Blogger legalschnauzer said…

    Interesting thoughts, @6:00. I’m not real big on guns or Second Amendment rights, but looking back on it now, I kind of wish we had taken the route you describe. We’d probably be in a better situation than we are now. At one time, I didn’t think I was capable of killing another human being, but I definitely am capable of that now — and McGarity is one of several people I wouldn’t mind seeing their brains splattered over the sidewalk. My preference, I guess, would be for someone else to do the shooting, but if it’s left to me, I could do it now — after what’s been done to us.

    October 24, 2016 at 6:05 PM


  17. Things I learned today from ACME law… A contract is not enforceable unless is contains a binding arbitration clause, because without a binding arbitration clause there is no consideration. Whew. I no longer have to pay my mortgage. Thanks Acme!


  18. Man, no matter how may times the courts shoot down that “Hoge brought 3,000 million gazillion complaints against me ” bullshit; he still goes back to it. Definition of insanity right there folks.

    I think he gets advice at night from the ghost of Johnny Walkers past.


    • What the fuck does “uinwarranted” mean? Old Stolen Valor King Peeonkids is really showing off those GS13 chops.


  19. One of Shuler’s suits was dismissed in September. Because, corruption, of course.
    From what I read between the lines, I’m guessing it was wacko-bird enough that they told him to get a lawyer and then he can refile. He says it’s corruption related to his filing with in pauperis status, which can mean a: it’s super frivolous or b: he can’t manage paperwork or both.

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