Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Skype rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Johnny, It’s Peter Grayson.

JOHNNY: Well, I haven’t heard from you for while. What’s up, Peter?

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) More legal nonsense. The Grouch has filed another LOLsuit against me.

JOHNNY: How many does that make? Three?

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Four, if you count that peace order. I’d like to send you a copy of the complaint and have you mark it up with notes referring to evidence you have on hand.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of It’s In The Vault Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @PlatitudePundit Jackpot!

JOHNNY: Peter emailed me a pdf of The Grouch’s complaint. It was his usual jumbled mass of accusations unsupported by real facts. He had nothing except his own guessing to support the accusation that Grayson was the secret identity of The Zombie, and at least one of the quotes he attributed to the Zombie was false. That was obvious from a first scan of the complaint. I spent the rest of the morning digging in paragraph by paragraph.

By the middle of the afternoon, I had a fairly solid list of errors and flat-out lies in the complaint, so I decided to give Peter a call.

SOUND: (Caller’s POV) Telephone rings three times.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Hello.

JOHNNY: Peter, it’s Johnny Atsign. I’ve got some initial results for you,

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filer) So soon?

JOHNNY: It’s just a quick scan, but I want to go over it with you so you can run down some of the leads yourself.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) OK.

JOHNNY: Have you got a copy of the complaint handy?

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) I can pull it up on my PC. Let’s see … Click there … OK. I’ve got it.

JOHNNY: Right. Let’s go through it one paragraph at a time.

ANNOUNCER: It’s a warm summer evening, I’ll sitting on the porch with a cold one in my hand. I’ll keep my drink cold and my hand warm with a Team Lickspittle Thermos Can Cooler. It’s not one of those flimsy foam can wraps. It’s a solid double-wall aluminum vacuum insulated cooler made by Thermos®. It’s just one of the nifty goodies available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard-earned cash to help support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar.

JOHNNY: (Fading in) … clear that he doesn’t understand how to plead the elements of the tort. So let’s move on to paragraph 15.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) OK.

JOHNNY: He quotes a couple of sentences he alleges The Zombie wrote on his website. This time, at least, he has the right date and the right website.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Yeah, and both of The Zombie’s statements are true.

JOHNNY: Exactly! Both of the no-contact orders issued in your state are for stalking via the Internet, so “cyberstalker” sticks, and one of the other restraining orders protects a three-year-old. Note that he doesn’t explicitly say that the statements are false.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) And true statements aren’t defamatory.

JOHNNY: Uh, huh, and he has the same problem with paragraph 16.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Yeah. The first peace order in Maryland was based on harassment, so that takes care of adjudicated harasser. Most of the victims of his cyberstalking have been adults, and the three-year-old is certainly a child. What about a senior citizen?

JOHNNY: My Maryland client was 65 when the first peace order was issued.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Gotcha.

JOHNNY: Liar? Proving that’s a slam dunk. Dementia addled? He admitted it in a letter to a federal judge. Plagiarist? There’s that whole book he ripped off from The Zombie.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) Yeah, and he posted that butt stuff himself.

JOHNNY: Right, and he hasn’t managed to take down all of the stuff he’s posted over the years. There’s a lot of … I guess could call it “undead” … material that he can’t hide.

GRAYSON: (Telephone Filter) OK.

JOHNNY: (Fading out) Moving along to the next paragraph, …

JOHNNY TWEETS: @TheGrouch Beware of your own zombie tweets and posts.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? Tweets and posts and zombies! Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

19 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


  1. I’m sure the Welfare Lawyer is competent so the first thing that will happen is that the complaint will be rewritten. Once that’s done and all the lies and ad hominem attacks are taken out it will leave 1 sentence that says, “My Butt is Sore”!!!!!


  2. SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT:

    Assuming my case in Illinois ever gets off the ground, its management is in the capable hands of a young, highly-respected former prosecutor. The case filed in Maryland by the dusty-brained old duffer is doomed to fail. The plaintiff is his own worst enemy. He will try to explain his unique and incorrect reading of state law to a judge as he lashes out at real and imaginary enemies, most of whom have not even afforded him the dignity of responding to his daffy allegations.

    WOW, OH WOW. ASSUMING? SO SOMETHING WAS SAID, AND NOW HE’S TALKING AGAIN.

    YOU DO HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT. PART ELEVENTY…

    CALL YOUR LAWYER, TELL HIM ABOUT YOUR RECENT THREATS TO PEE ON CHILDREN, HE NEEDS TO KNOW


    • It always amuses me just how the blob likes to trash our kind host, as if somehow if he keeps talking about him like that they’ll swap places and Hoge will be the one living alone with as many bottles as he has restraining orders, spending his days contemplating how much he hates the world and everyone in it, and how he can destroy those who’ve constantly outwitted him and yet have people who love and care for them.

      As someone once said to me, jealousy is a powerful motivator.


  3. DIDNT THE MICHAEL J FOX ORGANIZATION ASK YOU TO NOT USE THEIR NAME ON YOUR BLOGS, ETC AS WELL AS OTHER ORGANIZATIONS? NO ONE WANTS TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH CHILD PORN PRODUCING CHILD RAPE SKITS ON AUDIO AND PEOPLE WHO THREATEN TO URINATE ON CHILDREN.

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