Pro Bonehead LULZ Du Jour

By now, the Gentle Reader may have noticed that the Cabin Boy™ is prone to making outlandishly asinine statements, e.g.—BS201608250424ZThe Dreadful Pro-Se Freeloader Schmalfeldt’s lawyer was “recruited” by the U.S. District Court for the District of Northern Illinois to represent Bill Schmalfeldt. He is not doing so voluntarily, but under the order of the court.

Patrick Ostronic’s representation of me (and Ali Akbar, Stacy McCain, and Aaron Walker at various stages of the first case) in a couple of lawsuits filed by Brett Kimberlin was purely voluntary. He learned about the Popehat signal going up because of the Kimberlin v. Walker, et al. lawsuit while reading Instapundit, read Ken White’s post, and decided to represent me. I’m thankful that Ken White and Glenn Reynolds helped by publicizing the first Kimberlin case, and I’m especially grateful for Patrick Ostronic, his commitment to the First Amendment, and his pro bono representation of me in two of the four lawsuits The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin has filed against me.

In one case, a lawyer read about a situation and volunteered his services to represent a defendant. In the other case, a lawyer was drafted by a court to represent a plaintiff who claimed pauper status while reporting a middle class income. The Gentle Reader may decide for himself if either case involves freeloading.

55 thoughts on “Pro Bonehead LULZ Du Jour

    • Do I get a share of the prize?

      At 1:02 I wrote,

      “Is there a pool on when he first violates that advice? My entry would be that he had already violated it, but, no lickspittle has reported it yet. Amiright?”

  1. Dumbfuck’s lawyer: Shut the fuck up
    Dumbfuck: so that mean I can go create a new Twitter account? Awesome!

    The Dumbfuck just can’t stop himself. Of course he’s doing this because he thinks butthurt is a tort.

  2. Some lawyers, if they think they are fighting for good people and a good cause, will take a case pro bono.

    Some lawyers, if they think you have a case that is likely to win and pay, will take a case on contingency.

    Some lawyers are ordered by the court to take cases that other lawyers know are complete shit and won’t touch.

    You get it now William “I want to pee on your children” Schmalfeldt?

  3. There’s also the fact that Ostronic was defending freedom of speech, while Schmalballs is trying to suppress speech he doesn’t like.

  4. Any bets on how long it will take Mr. So rich to cite this in a brief?

    (5) In counsel’s opinion the party is proceeding for purpose of harassment or malicious injury, or the party’s claims or defenses are not warranted under existing law and cannot be supported by good faith argument for extension, modification, or reversal of existing law.

  5. Not just “middle class income,” but an insurance payout, just nine months ago, that he claimed was more than $9,000 and would last him the rest of his life with careful management.

  6. Atty: “Mr. Schmalfeldt, it would be a very good idea if you stopped talking about this case on the internet.”

    Client: “Okay, what about on my blog?”

    Atty: “Is your blog on the internet?”

    Client: “Uh…yes.”

    Atty: “Then don’t write about it on your blog.”

    Client: “What about podcasts. I have a syndicated podcast network of over 200 one-month free trial internet radio stations.”

    Atty: “These internet radio stations…are they on the internet?”

    Client: “I think so, yes.”

    Atty: “Then no. No podcasting.”

    Client: “Twitter?”

    Atty: “Now I know that Twitter is on the internet, I have an account myself. NO Twitter. And please unfollow me.”

    Client: “Okay, got it!”

    Later that same day, back behind the Cheddar Curtain…

    Client: “He didn’t say anything about starting a new Twitter handle!”

    • Sounds like a six year old who knows perfectly well what his Mom meant when she told him “No” but keeps trying to find a loophole that will let him do what he wants anyway.

      • “Sounds like a six year old” covers a lot of what Bill gets up to. Not everything of course, most 6 year olds are far more decent people than Bill and are able to learn.

  7. “It is a happy idiot indeed who goes through life with unquestioning belief in things he knows nothing about.” — Bill Schmalfeldt 8/25/2016

    Well, what can you say about that?

    Blind pigs, acorns…

    (BYW, Bill, you have really ballooned this last year…)

    • Things like:

      – personal jurisdiction
      – subject matter jurisdiction
      – how judges will respond to testimony
      – local rules and how to follow them
      – the propriety of writing about your own bowel habits as entertainment
      – nailing your soulmate on the first date
      – TELLING THE WORLD how you nailed your soulmate on the first date
      – raising healthy, well-adjusted children
      – STRIKE THAT – raising ANY children
      – “satire”
      – social grace
      – self-control
      – self-awareness
      – knowing when to shut your goddamn piehole
      – knowing HOW to shut your goddamn piehole

      Need I go on?

      • A few things the loathsome loser does know a bit about, having experienced them:

        “…and TELLING THE WORLD that you’re “shy” so never initiate sex, meaning that your “soulmate” not only brought you home the day you met, but she initiated the sex…”

        “…and TELLING THE WORLD that your “soulmate” had such a long string of one-night-stands that you left your id with her to prove that unlike all of the others, you’d come back, but had to leave now so as to not upset your mother, with whom you resided while in your mid- to late-thirties…”

        “…abandoning TWO sets of children, then later claiming their mothers “hid” them from you, despite photos posted by you showing their mothers took them to visit your parents and family while “hiding” them.” So… if they were only “hidden” from the grotesque ghoul, and it either didn’t seek a court order, or didn’t seek to enforce a court order regarding contact with its children, well, one may draw a negative* inference.

        *There is nothing to indicate these circumstances were related to any of its writings about urinating on children. Apropos of nothing, does anyone have the freakshow’s “rules of evidence” for stalking investigative journoliarsgermoLIARs?

  8. OT, just saw in Italy after pulling out 300 dead citizens, they found a 8 year old girl alive and recued her, those tough Italian mountain men broke down. They needed a win and God gave them one. Its been a tough long two days for them.

    In other news Hillary still hasn’t visited Baton Rouge but she took some selfies with the rockstars.

  9. But this stuff has to stop. If I can use my case to help shut down the flow of sewage from the right wing hate tubes, I will consider that a victory for everyone.

    So its about pure shutuppery, THANKS BILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    And thanks for all the fish…

    • all those progressive publications that fired him, were infiltrated by super skreet mind controlled alt righters

      just ask him, honesty is his policy

  11. Just saw a sign:

    If you want to make sure Hillary leaves you alone, move to Baton Rouge or Bengazi

  12. Am I the only one who thinks Scotch when I see Sorich? After all, we all know who really advises Bill.

  13. Further, I don’t recall John or Aaron or Stacy suing, then demanding that the feds cough up a free lawyer. Which requires serious chutzpah and a complete lack of decent shame.

    Phone, train.

  14. Help me with the scoreboard, please-

    LOLSuitVII is stil ongoing. Is it not?

    Be wary that Shakes’ comm-silence isn’t a setup and that Sorich&Co. aren’t still going to go ahead. This may yet come to suit(s) filed and sundry paperwork. I remind you all that Schmalfeldts’ lawyers can’t lose.

    They only get paid.

    Fat Lady hasn’t sung yet; near as I can tell. Fat Bastard may be lying in wait. Yeah, yeah given his lack of self-restraint… But.

  15. A pro-bono lawyer works for free. Blob’s lawyer is being paid by the government, whose teat Blob is once again hoovering on.

    That’s the difference, Dumbfuck.

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