Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

Alas. The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin is complaining about the way I’m conducting my prosecution of the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit:

So once again, Defendant is having to respond to “nuttier than a fruitcake” motions and allegations that have no relation to reality.

Trappist Abbey FruitcakeFor those Lickspittles who want to participate fully in my fruitcake nuttiness, here’s a special deal on a 1-lb. Trappist Abbey fruitcake. The Brethren of Our Lady of Guadalupe Trappist Abbey in Lafayette, Oregon, make an outstanding fruitcake. Dark, dense, and old-fashioned, it is loaded with fruit and nuts, but not with the typical maraschino cherries and green citron—instead they use raisins, candied pineapple, and candied cherries. Baked for almost three hours, the cakes are then soaked in fine brandy. Most of the alcohol evaporates and the rich brandy flavor is absorbed. The cakes are then aged for three months to develop the flavor, a unique balance of the sweet fruits and moist walnuts and pecans with a pleasant finish of spices and brandy. Click on the image on the left to buy a fruitcake via Amazon.

14 thoughts on “Team Kimberlin Post of the Day

    • You’d like my mother’s fruitcake then. I recall that she uses bourbon, and she remoistens the cakes with whiskey at least once or twice a year until they are finally eaten. We had one that managed to avoid the ravenning (sp?) hordes (but not the whiskey dousings) for most of a decade. When its time finally came you were almost unsafe to drive from just smelling it and it was so moist and crumbly you almost needed a spoon to eat it.

      I have very fond memories of that particular cake.

  1. The Dread Pro-Se Kimberlin is complaining about the way I’m conducting my prosecution of the Hoge v. Kimberlin, et al. lawsuit

    I can’t blame him. After all, you’re a pro se, right? That means you cannot have a cohesive, thought out strategy on how you plan on proceeding, be tracking the timeline when items are due, and have contingency plans in place for a judge’s ruling either for or against you on a particular motion.

    Instead, as a pro se, you should be winging it on the fly, developing novel legal theories that you disregard by the next filing (or, if you’re really skilled, in the same motion or response), disregard or be ignorant of timelines for responses, and be completely unprepared for judge’s rulings. (*cough cough* “Yes, you may testify.” “What! I’m not ready to do that!” *cough cough*)

    Since, as a pro se, you are doing none of these things, you must, indeed, be nuttier than a fruitcake. (And as a aside, I don’t know if they’re available on Amazon, but the Trappist monks in Kentucky soak their fruitcakes in real Kentucky bourbon. Just sayin’.)

  2. For a well tempered fruitcake, there must be a balance between fruit, nuts and cake. Sort of like a well pled legal filing. Just as you shouldn’t overload a fruitcake with too much dried fruit and too few nuts, you shouldn’t overload a legal pleading with ad hominem attacks, amazingly irrelevant adjectives and off the wall suppositions. Engineers know this, bombers not so much.

    BTW my family soaks their fruit cakes in Kirschwasser . Actually, first we soak the fruit in Kirschwasser for a few days, then make & bake the cake, then soak it some more in Kirschwasser. It’s a big hit at Christmas, usually gone by Epiphany.
    Some years we use Slivovitz, homemade of course, ’cause we’re food snobs.

    • When I make fruitcake, I use a whole bottle of bourbon.

      Of course, after the bottle’s gone, there’s no reason to bother making the cake anymore.

  3. Being “nuttier than a fruitcake” is respectable, being a convicted terrorist/bomber is beneath contempt.

  4. I once asked my wife if you could take all the fruitcakes that were given at Xmas and thrown out, you could use them like bricks to build a house.

    They are hard as a rock and don’t seem to decompose.

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