Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign


Johnny Atsign Logo 2ANNOUNCER: From Westminster, it’s time for—

SOUND: Landline phone rings once.

JOHNNY: Johnny Atsign.

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) Good evening, Mr. Atsign.

JOHNNY: Yes?

DEEP VOTE: (Telephone Filter) I have some more information for you. Meet me at the usual place and time.

SOUND: (Called Party’s POV) Line hung up. Dial tone.

MUSIC: Theme up and under.

ANNOUNCER: The Lickspittle Broadcasting System presents W. J. J. Hoge in the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed Twitter account, America’s fabulous free-lance Internet investigator …

JOHNNY: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

JOHNNY: The following is partial extract of the tweets sent and received during my investigation of The Helpful Hint Matter.

JOHNNY TWEETS: (SYNTH VOICE) @DeepVote Aren’t you being overly dramatic?

JOHNNY: At 12:15 am, precisely, the next morning, I drove into the designated parking garage, parked on the second level, and took the stairs up to the fourth level. I began walking to the far end.

SOUND: Footsteps with echo.

JOHNNY: As usual, the voice came from behind me.

DEEP VOTE: Good morning, Mr. Atsign.

SOUND: Footsteps stop.

JOHNNY: I turned around, and he was standing in the shadows like always.

DEEP VOTE: I’m pleased that you’re on time again.

JOHNNY: OK. What do you have for me?

DEEP VOTE: Advice.

JOHNNY: Just more advice?

DEEP VOTE: Yes. My testimony would be worthless, but I can suggest intriguing angles for your research. Do you remember what I told you a couple of times?

JOHNNY: “Follow the money.”

DEEP VOTE: Yes. But what does one do when there is no money? Or only a piddling amount?

JOHNNY: Depends. I usually don’t waste time on a dry hole. I’ll move on to something profitable.

DEEP VOTE: So you never attempt revenge?

JOHNNY: Not usually. Other people’s karma seems to get the best of them in the end.

DEEP VOTE: A sensible approach. Tell me, do all the subjects of your investigation behave so wisely?

JOHNNY: (Chuckles) No, probably not.

DEEP VOTE: Just so, and does a desire for revenge often cloud someone’s thinking and cause unforced errors.

JOHNNY: Yeah.

DEEP VOTE: Look for unforced errors. Goodbye, Mr. Atsign. I’m sure we’ll speak again.

ANNOUNCER: It’s a warm summer evening, I’ll sitting on the porch with a cold one in my hand. I’ll keep my drink cold and my hand warm with a Team Lickspittle Thermos Can Cooler. It’s not one of those flimsy foam can wraps. It’s a solid double-wall aluminum vacuum insulated cooler made by Thermos®. It’s just one of the nifty goodies available exclusively at The Hogewash Store. Stop by today and spend some of your hard-earned cash to help support Team Lickspittle. You can also show your support by hitting the Tip Jar or buy doing your Amazon shopping via the link on the Home page.

JOHNNY: It was well past 1 am by the time I got back to my place. I figured that I could sleep in just a bit. I set the alarm for 7:45.

SOUND: Alarm beeping, followed by NPR’s Morning Edition through a small speaker.

JOHNNY: (Groggy) Ugh.

SOUND: Clock radio pounded. Morning Edition quits abruptly.

JOHNNY: I stumbled through my morning routine and, after several cups of coffee, made it into my office. I began to puzzle though the advice I had been given earlier.

Enforced errors? As I ran through the histories of the various cases involving The Bomber, there were plenty of mistakes that he had made, and many of them were careless. But which were unforced?

A unforced error would be one that resulted from an action that The Bomber didn’t have to take, so the sort of errors I was look for would be things that were unnecessary actions that caused more trouble than they were worth. I suppose you could argue that his whole campaign of lawfare was one big unforced error, but Deep Vote was pointing me to some one act or group of acts that … then I realized …

JOHNNY TWEETS: @DeepVote Boom.

ANNOUNCER: Now, here’s our star to tell you about next week’s intriguing episode of our story.

JOHNNY: Next time? Say what? Join us, won’t you?

Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign!

MUSIC: Swell theme and under

ANNOUNCER: Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign, starring W. J. J. Hoge, is transcribed in Westminster. Be sure to join us next Monday, same time and URL, for the next exciting episode of Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign.

MUSIC: Theme up to music out.

ANNOUNCER: Johnny Atsign is a work of fiction. If anyone thinks it’s about him, he should read Proverbs 28:1.

Be sure to tune in every Friday at 6 pm Eastern Time for an episode of Blognet or Blogsmoke on alternating weeks. This is LBS, the Lickspittle Broadcasting System.

13 thoughts on “Yours Truly, Johnny Atsign

  1. Come on, man! I’m gripping the company laptop, inside the company vehicle, using the company internet, wanting desperately to know what it is! Cliff’s hangers keep getting in my way!

  2. DEEP VOTE: Yes. But what does one do when there is no money? Or only a piddling amount?

    JOHNNY: Depends. I usually don’t waste time on a dry hole. I’ll move on to something profitable.

    Piddling amount?

    Depends?

    I see what you did there.

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