58 thoughts on “Legal LULZ Du Jour

  1. §6-201.

    (b) If there is more than one defendant, (there is) and there is no single venue applicable to all defendants (there isn’t), under subsection (a), all may be sued in a county in which any one of them could be sued, or in the county where the cause of action arose…(that being Carroll County.).

    This would be a case where it would be handy for a retired former GS-13 writer-editor to have a working knowledge of the definitions of the words “and” and “or,” but like the sun rising in the east…


  2. Short, and missed the point.




    I was referring to the length of the document, this isn’t Brett Kimberlin I’m writing about, you know!

  3. He knows so much that isn’t so. Oh, and he lies. A lot. In court documents no less. Oh well, I guess he will eventually learn.

    And by the way, wasn’t he adamant that he was going to stay in the “showplace” Tincasa right up until a retired lawyer from Alaska was about to nail him on his perjurious IFP application? Then he dropped his case with prejudice, picked up his skirts and abandoned the state, his stepson, and his dogs in a river of fear pee. Yeah, I’d say “fled the state” is pretty accurate.

    • Oh, you mean this?
      “Monday, July 6, 2015 ~5:30 PM

      1:04 When my wife of 25 years, my best friend of 27 years, died on June 17, 2015, I lost the will to fight. I let it be known to the right wing fascists who have been ganging up on me for more than two years, the fight was over. I was going to take some time to adjust, then I was going to move back to the midwest. But, They. Could. Not. Let. Go.
      2:49 I’m not going anywhere. I’m staying right here, in my home, this beautiful home that Gail made for us. And I’m going to give the forces of darkness precisely what they ask for.”

      It’s all in the vault.

  4. I think that Schmalfeldt needs to go and read–probably for the first time–his settlement agreement. He has already agreed–signed and sealed–to Maryland as the venue.

  5. Je did not carry on a regular business, was not employed nor habitually engaged in a vocation in Carroll County.

    Je? Is that one of those pronouns like Xem or Xyr that non gender binary people use, or is Schmalfeldt just once again proving what a lousy GS13 Editor/Writer he was? Or is this another case where embracing power of AND (or is it OR? I get so darned confused by those two synonyms) is the correct choice?

  6. So Bill has never harmed our Gentle Host in a tangible fashion?

    Boy, is that an invitation for Hoge to reply with things that would cause the judge to toss his cookies. (Not recommending that course of action, our Host is the soul of courtesy and a master of the circumspect description of the despicable. Go with that.) But it might be time to dig out the “but only I’m willing to go obscene” tweet a certain DF made.

  7. Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t ever remember Bill opening his motions in paragraph 1 like that until he decided to copy the world’s worst lawyer.

    Apparently Bill’s “own say so” means a lot in Wisconsin and Hoge’s “own say so” not so much in Maryland … basically that’s his argument. And of course after reading Hoge’s opposition again he FAILS to address the important points like a typical moron.

    But I’m not going to say anything more as to what he failed to address because I don’t want to educate the moron. Remember don’t educate TEAM SCUM.

    • It’s proof Bill can learn… to ape his betters. Putting the monkey in a dress does not make the dance a waltz. But on a good day, it does approximate a tango. And a jig can be translated into Morse Code. Actually, that would explain his droppings, I mean, filings, thus far…

      Your point is valid, kinda. Don’t put a piece of duct tape under the tee-ball on a windy day and all that. I’m quite happy to be overly paranoid on the subject myself; I certainly don’t want to be the one person who says the blindingly obvious on the ONE DAY (yet to occur) when the DF understands the blindingly obvious.

      • Copying is actually one of Bill’s true skills. He is very good at it. Heck, he was a Press Releaser at one point in his career.

        I did NOT smirk when I said that word “career”.

        He was the first on his block to understand and love the whole Ctrl+X,C,V thing.

        He will copy anything. Trademarks. Artwork and images. Recorded music and comedy. FCC licensed radio station call letters. People’s written work. People’s vocabulary, even writing style. People’s desire to become a vexatious litigant.

        The funny thing is, he can’t do much else. He doesn’t understand his copying is not witty or cute, but blatant and obvious. And he certainly isn’t impressing anybody that he found and copied anything, and doesn’t know how to use it.

        To borrow (copy) a recent headline from a lovely lady zombie, “Not An Original Bone in His Body”.

        • Borderline personality disorder, so I’ve been told by those in the biz, includes not having a real personality, and taking on different roles/personalities, you know, copying others.

          Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image that include shifting goals and values, and seeing yourself as bad or as if you don’t exist at all …

          Do read the whole thing, but this risk factor also caught my eye:

          … Personality. Personality traits that include impulsiveness and aggression may play a role in the development of borderline personality disorder. …

          • I hope that we all can agree that Bill’s Personality Disorder is an eensy bit over Borderline.

          • Again, no expert, but my understanding is that BPD was so named due to it being on the ‘borderline’ of other disorders, and the co-morbidity rate is significant. But yes, many of us have noted what appear to be narcissistic personality disorder indicators, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn the entire Cluster B, including histrionic personality disorder, is implicated! 😉

      • And that’s the hilarious part: Billy’s aping his betters won’t work since he fails to understand (say it with me) the larger CONTEXT.

    • “Correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t ever remember Bill opening his motions in paragraph 1 like that until he decided to copy the world’s worst lawyer.”

      And, I’d wager a large sum of money the Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt doesn’t even know what that statement even means.

  8. I’m still amazed how he counts his harassment and his violations of a court order as harassing HIM.

    And how he completely failed to address what he’s actually liable for doing.

    • Or how he asks for John to be declared vexatious by listing the restraining orders John successfully got against him or the charges the STATE filed against him.

      He just doesn’t get it.

  9. 1. Spellcheck is your friend.
    2. Wisconsin is about 800 miles from Maryland, which is not “halfway across the country.”
    3. Someone should read the Maryland rules concerning proper pleadings.

    • Periods! Use some periods for the love of God!!!

      (yes, that last paragraph is ONE SENTENCE)

          • What do you have against Ashterah?

            Would you have her face the mighty Cthulu? You seem to think she is immune to going insane…

        • Actually, it would be easy to Feldtchart. Butthurts to the left, whines to the right. Truths near the top, lies near the bottom. Just have all the the phrases eventually pointing to the final phrase, the whopper:

          ” …leave Schmalfeldt alone to live out his remaining days in peace and quiet without the constant fear of legal persecution from a man whom he has never harmed in any tangible fashion.”

          (“any tangible fashion”. Who uses weasel words like that?!?!)

      • I was thinking of cribbing that turd and entering it in the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, but it would violates about six of the eight rules, primarily concerning a suggested maximum of 50-60 words.

        • Nonsense. It can’t be a run-on. The Cabin Boy is not capable of running.

          It’s a Scooty-Puff-on (It’s 12pt! Headdesk, HEADDESK).

      • Yeah, I’m wondering if I should break my lulz muscles and attempt to diagram that sentence.

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  11. Hm, it seems to me that the word “also” has certain implications, and makes an admission of one’s own behaviour not made by the other side perhaps?

    • At which point, Billy proves he’s too stupid to learn the meaning of the word “conclusory” Also: “non-responsive”

  12. Bill Schmalfeldt is the kind of lummox who inspired the phrase “script kiddie” 😛

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