102 thoughts on “Legal LULZ Du Jour

  1. Will this be an improper supplemental to his existing improper supplemental or a new improper supplemental?

    I will say this about the Johnnie Walker Red Baron, he’s constantly breaking new legal ground.

    • “I will say this about the Johnnie Walker Red Baron, he’s constantly breaking new legal ground wind.

      FTFY

  2. HORDE: Please spend the weekend preparing for the new, even more unhinged, pleadings we’ve been promised. Stock up on popcorn, smelling salts, beverages, and more than anything else STRETCH those lulz muscles!

  3. I realized this elsewhere, but:

    If Bill is on a course towards paying the Defendants’ legal fees (and I believe he is) and Aaron is racking up those fees dealing with this drivel, and Aaron is employing WJJ Hoge III as a paralegal in this case..

    Then when Bill has to pay Aaron’s fees, that will include paying…

    HOGE!!!! YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!!!

    who to my knowledge has simply posted documents which were publicly available on PACER with minimal discussion and allowed the interested public to comment. The “interested public” that hasn’t been banned for repeated poor behavior, that is.

  4. Paraphrased Bill: “Ha! You liked how I shot myself in the foot with this .22? Then you’ll /love/ it when I pull out the 12-gauge!”

  5. Oh, and for the record, there is zero chance that even Bill Schmalfeldt would be stupid enough to file such documents. To suggest otherwise would be defamation of pro se.

    • “Zero chance” I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean. I mean, c’mon, you don’t have a good track record of predicting this stuff. 🙂

      “Defamation of pro se” HAHAHAHAHAHA Love it!

  6. I’m certain that the judge will view all of these filings to the court and see Bill for exactly the kind of person that he is. There truthfully will be nothing that Walker could say to the court that will alter her opinion of the plaintiff in any way, shape or form.

    • To be a fly on the wall….

      It’s the weekend, Bill. I don’t actually live in a giant habitrail with an exercise wheel. I have a house and I’m in it, right now.

      He has brought his fate upon himself. I hope he enjoys it.

  7. OK, time to eat my crow.

    On a previous thread, I made a prediction on what The Blob would do, and Our Host thought they were inappropriate. I said that I would boast if they were proven correct.

    And even though no one besides Our Host could contradict me if I were to say that I was correct, I was not. I did NOT anticipate The Blob would take the opportunity to recap his whole history of suffering Felonious Butthurt at the hands of… well, pretty much everyone. I bet that his Wrath would be the dominant motivator, not his Wounded Pride. I thought he’d be angry and attack, not whine and whine and whine.

    I suppose I should be glad that I didn’t accurately predict his actions, because that would mean I’d be getting inside his diseased little brain…

  8. [gif redacted] [This got through by accident while I was dealing with the real world.-wjjhoge]

  9. So Bill Schmalfeldt Twitter Chief Justice Oliver Wendall Jones is going to suggest, in a court filing, that’s it’s inappropriate to babble about ongoing litigation?

    Holy hell, Blob, can you give us a trigger warning or a spew alert or something? I think that just gave me a groin pull.

  10. I await next week with bated breath. I can see the argument already.

    You must disqualify attorney A because P, who may or may not be acting as A’s paralegal in this case, has reproduced publicly available documents that prove me to be a DUMBFUCK. Cassidy says that only documents under seal may be reproduced.

    • AND I cannot sue him for copyright infringement because he published them after they hit Pacer. HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!! Don’t you know how to infringe my copyright the way I want you to???

  11. He really thinks that our esteemed host [REDACTED- not giving dumbass any ideas].

    Just when I think he can’t get any stupider….

  12. Bill, if you don’t post at least 4 motions including your own case management order Monday morning you’re biggest coward in Milwaukee County. You got them right where you want them.

    • I’m sure his confusion results from mixing up movie/tv court with real court. Onscreen, lawyer always tell their clients to stop talking. And if they don’t, because it fits the narrative of the film, it always turns out badly for the defendant.

      Bill sees himself as the screenwriter of this courtroom drama. He’s fully expecting, I’m sure, that the court will summarily award him damages, remove Walker from the case, and then initiate motions on its own to have him disbarred. It’s all played out in his head already. When reality slaps him back, despite repeated warnings *from his enemies*, he’s not going to know how to handle it.

      • The really terrifying thing is, we don’t like him, yet we give him very sound advice – the most pertinent piece of which, today, is: Stop talking, and most particularly, stop Tweeting.

        • How is that terrifying?

          We are kind; he’s an malevolent idiot.

          I find it comforting and natural that it plays out as it does…

          We give him good advice, he ignores it and makes cunning plans which go quickly awry, his moobs get caught in the wringer, rinse, lather, repeat.

          It has regular rhythms to it, ebbs and flows, but the moobs *always* wind up in the wringer…

          It’s as reliable as the sunrise, but has a pleasant newness each time it happens. One can hardly wait to see what fresh, innovative idiocy Bill will bring!

          Are we not entertained? Is Bill not enraged? Life is good.

          • It’s a tough job, and Bill has to do it…

            Think about it; SOMEBODY has to be the stupidest, most clueless, most malevolent, meanest, auto-dick-stomping-est man in the world…

            Why not Cousin Bill? He seems, perhaps, overly qualified, for once in his life!

  13. How the hell does Bill Schmalfeldt know how to properly “handle” a paralegal? What are his qualifications to be able to judge how well an opposing paralegal is doing his job? It’s amazing how he focuses on the most insignificant details, while ignoring the really important stuff. His ass and remaining few dollars are on the line in this case strictly because of his behavior AFTER he filed the suit. And he just keeps on digging….

    OT — I would like to suggest the ScooterPuff(it’s Red, Vroom Vroom!!) be auctioned off to the highest Lickspittle/Horde bidder. I wonder if his remaining life insurance money will be enough to pay Aaron’s expenses and fees? NOT
    I’m sure that Sarah, Eric & Aaron will be very happy with their share of the Overweighted Wonder’s pension/$$I benefits each month for the rest of their lives.

    • and remaining few dollars

      Oh, I don’t think it’s his dollars at risk.
      I doubt he’s put any of his money into this. Though I bet his billing is “creative”.

      What happens when a decision attaches? Well, that’s thinking for another day, fiddle dee dee.

    • I vote for the Vroom-Vroom Scooty Puff to be auctioned off, with the proceeds donated to colon cancer research. Put the funds to good use curing REAL butthurt instead of Cabin Boy’s imaginary hurt fee-fees.

  14. Babble, babble, babble. Apparently, posting public, unsealed COURT documents and public tweets is misbehaving. If I were Bill, I’d be worrying about those sealed court docs that he has knowingly published. Tick tock.

    • Running circles around you and allowing you to prove yourself a clown is not misbehavior. But that may be too hypertechnical for Brett… err, Bill. Yeah, Bill.

    • At the zoo near one of my residences, there is an old, grizzled male orangutan who, if you should happen to make eye contact, will summon his mate over to the glass, turn her around, and perform a *most through* gynecological exam for all and sundry to witness. All he truly lacks is a speculum and a Pap smear kit to make it clinical.

      I am always reminded of Dear Retarded Cousin Bill, when the orangutan does this. Severe over sharing is the common theme, I think. Or, possibly, questionable personal hygiene, though I don’t actually know if the ape reeks or not…

  15. “Who knows me better? My niece who has known me for 28 years? Or some cowardly anonymous jagoff who sent her a note about how TUFF he is?”

    Looks like Bill’s socks are false-flagging. Again.

    I’ve known William M. Schmalfeldt, Sr., for over five decades. Does that make me the ultimate authority on Cousin Bill? Bill seems to think so…

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